Would you turn down a great job offer to help a terminally ill parent?

[Anonymous]

How did you decide? We’re there any regrets? Did taking on a new role while caring for a parent put too much demand on you?

[Anonymous]

Yes. No regrets. I figured if I can get one great job offer, I can get another.

[Anonymous]

Yes I absolutely would and I say that from the perspective of someone who lost a parent 2 months ago. Terminal illness is like having a newborn baby, you can never get that time back and unless it’s literally keeping the lights on no job should take precedence. Sorry for your loss OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you decide? We’re there any regrets? Did taking on a new role while caring for a parent put too much demand on you?

But I also think that a loving parent would understand if their child made a different choice and took the job. This is a complicated question and depends on a lot of other factors that we don’t have details on. It is extremely stressful to care for a terminally ill parent, even without concerns about having passed up an important life opportunity. If you really want to spend time with your parent and be there for them, I would try to find some compromise by taking the job but asking for some time off up front and maybe help paying for in-home help or something. My parent recently died and strongly preferred at the end to be in a facility with skilled caregivers as opposed to being at home.

This is a really tough thing to go through, OP. Best wishes and love to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you decide? We’re there any regrets? Did taking on a new role while caring for a parent put too much demand on you?

I did and it was absolutely the right decision. I have no regrets at all.

[Anonymous]

Yes....but I would also explain it to the company and see if they would consider it again after the parent passes on.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

Not the same scenario, but I took several months FMLA off work to care for a dying parent, and would do it again in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would. I’ve had a terminally ill parent. Looking back I always question if I did enough for them at the end. It’s not a regret you want to live with op.

[Anonymous]

What if you’ve not had a great relationship with your parent? My mom is terminally ill. I’ve been helping her with her appointments and care for almost 3 years. Growing up she was not very kind to me, but became an amazing grandmother so it helped things get better for awhile. Even as I’m caring for her, she is entirely focused on my sisters wellbeing. My sister doesn’t help at all. I struggle already with memories of how my mom has treated me and how she still favors my sister. It’s been hard, but up to this point I have been in the best position to support her. However work has always been a respite and distraction from my family. I feel I will live with regret no matter what decision I make.

[Anonymous]

I would not - but my parents would never expect me to. They have openly agreed that some of the choices they made to not prepare for retirement and aging were their own mistakes and that they don't want to be a burden on me.

Having said that, I am still planning to do what I can because they're my parents. I just won't derail my own life for them. I'd be more inclined to uproot my life to help my ILs. I guess it comes down to I am willing to expend the effort for someone who I know would do it for me but less inclined for someone who has shown that they wouldn't.

I regret that I don't have more respect for my parents but that's been decades in the making.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did that, no regrets. It was a no brainer for me as I was always incredibly close to my dad. He passed recently and I’m glad I spent so much time with him towards the end.

[Anonymous]

Yes, no regrets and now that I’m getting back into the work force I’ve been open about why I took a year away and have found interviewers are very understanding and many will tell me they have dealt with similar situations or are currently dealing with something similar.

I spent a lot of time with my dad towards the end and I’m glad- honestly I just wish I’d appreciated that I was able to more at the time.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and with the passage of time, many years for me now, I can barely remember the job offer.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not. But my family is fairly screwed up. My mom already died unexpectedly. I don’t have regrets. I see my dad on a limited basis and have no interest in seeing him more if he is dying.