Would you turn down a great job offer to help a terminally ill parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I would. I’ve had a terminally ill parent. Looking back I always question if I did enough for them at the end. It’s not a regret you want to live with op.

+1

[Anonymous]

I took the job, but with my father’s blessing. I let my new employer know and they were very kind in handling my need to run home a few times before he passed, and also gave me the month off when he died (4 months after I started). I was in my mid 20s and my dad wanted me to get my feet under me since he wouldn’t be around anymore.

Every family is different. My dad had come to terms with the situation and I took his word that I was doing what he wanted.

[Anonymous]

I guess I’m in the minority here. I would take the job. I lost my mom earlier this year. I started a new job three months before she passed. She absolutely wanted me to take the job. I lived close enough that I saw her regularly anyway. I actually went to work the day she died and the day after. It’s what she would have wanted me to do. People thought I was nuts, but it’s what got me though. Additionally, my family has always been very career- and education-oriented with work often being prioritized over family events.

[Anonymous]

I retired over a year ahead of my plan because both my parents were fading. I would fly and visit them every 2 weeks or so and I never could have done that working full time. They both had dementia so they didn’t recognize me but I’m very glad I made the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. No regrets. I figured if I can get one great job offer, I can get another.

Absolutely!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did and I have absolutely no regrets. It was a privilege to be able to be there for my dad. I have really wonderful memories of that wonderful, heartbreaking, difficult time.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely would. My mother died when I was a young adult and now in my 50s, I'm still haunted by whether I spent enough time with her at the end. I hope she knew how much I loved her.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn’t. I am not trying to sound awful (I recently lost my sister who I was very close to and she has a terminal illness) but life doesn’t stop because your loved one is ill. I did take off for 2 weeks before she passed to spend time with her, but I still had to be able to be present for my young kids so I did not spend quite as much time as I would have liked. However, I got to say everything I ever wanted to her.

Obviously I would make sure your new employer will give you some time off to spend with your parents. If they don’t, I would t want to work for them anyway.

[Anonymous]

I did it, and I don't regret it. Also, I got the job offer before the pandemic, and it's not as desirable for me now (because I don't want to take public transit now, can't work the evenings/ weekends the job requires because I was relying on my parent who got sick and died for evening and weekend childcare, was planning to relocate to DC and enroll my kids in free DC preschool, which ended up being closed for a year and a half). I actually feel like my parent's terminal illness saved me from a job that would have been a terrible fit. Silver lining to a pretty awful cloud.

[Anonymous]

I did turn down a dream job. Situation was a bit different in that one parent died unexpectedly and was caring for other parent. Job would have required a lot of travel (pre covid) and I thought I couldn't support surviving parent, get them transitioned to another care situation, spend time with my kids and regularly fly to Seattle for an exec job.

In the end I regret not taking the job. That said, at the time I can see why I thought it would have been unworkable. My spouse also has a very demanding job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I absolutely would and I say that from the perspective of someone who lost a parent 2 months ago. Terminal illness is like having a newborn baby, you can never get that time back and unless it’s literally keeping the lights on no job should take precedence. Sorry for your loss OP.

Same. It is why I keep my current job - because I know I can do it with my eyes closed. Jobs will always be there. A terminally ill parent has a timeline that you can't affect no matter what you do. It would be much better for me to be there for my parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you decide? We’re there any regrets? Did taking on a new role while caring for a parent put too much demand on you?

I did and it was absolutely the right decision. I have no regrets at all.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely would. My mother died when I was a young adult and now in my 50s, I'm still haunted by whether I spent enough time with her at the end. I hope she knew how much I loved her.

Me too. I hope I did enough and that my parents knew how much I loved them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you’ve not had a great relationship with your parent? My mom is terminally ill. I’ve been helping her with her appointments and care for almost 3 years. Growing up she was not very kind to me, but became an amazing grandmother so it helped things get better for awhile. Even as I’m caring for her, she is entirely focused on my sisters wellbeing. My sister doesn’t help at all. I struggle already with memories of how my mom has treated me and how she still favors my sister. It’s been hard, but up to this point I have been in the best position to support her. However work has always been a respite and distraction from my family. I feel I will live with regret no matter what decision I make.

Right there with you. Be gentle with yourself. You matter!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did and I would do it again. You will have other job opportunities but you only have two parents and they are irreplaceable.