Did you keep records from your divorce?

[Anonymous]

There's a topic in midlife concerns about people going through their parents paperwork (after they're dead or moved to assisted living or something) and learning some painful things that their parents hadn't told them about.

I have some paperwork from my divorce that does not paint my ex in a flattering light, but it explains why we got divorced. I kept it in case I needed it as ammunition during the divorce, but that's over now. Part of me thinks the kids have a right to know exactly what happened someday. Another part of me says toss it out and forget it. I'm over it myself, but would the kids ever want to see it?

I'd been thinking about how my mom, who also got divorced, never told us the details of why it happened. We had to learn about it from her sisters after we were adults. I feel like if I told my kids, when they were adults, what happened, they might not believe it unless I could show them the written proof. They might just think I was badmouthing my ex, which I have made a point of not doing.

Kids won't see this stuff for at least 10 years if ever.

I guess there is a remote chance we might still have a custody fight, but I doubt a judge would care about this information in that context. My ex will have a long track record of being a responsible co-parent since then, thankfully.

What do you think, keep or toss?

[Anonymous]

Why not keep it but keep it in a locked thing with a note that a friend should shred it when you die.

[Anonymous]

Whatever is in your divorce records is not the unbiased or total explanation of what actually happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever is in your divorce records is not the unbiased or total explanation of what actually happened.

I'm not talking about legal documents, who cares about that.

It's things like handwritten correspondence between my ex and the AP, copies of emails and text messages, etc.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]I'm not talking about legal documents, who cares about that. [/twitter]
FYI we bought an investment property with another couple and one of them was divorced - the loan officer definitely cared about that. She had been divorced for 15 years.

[Anonymous]

For what I paid, hell yeah I keep the paperwork. Not that I'll ever need it but it's a legal document that I feel needs to be saved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever is in your divorce records is not the unbiased or total explanation of what actually happened.

I'm not talking about legal documents, who cares about that.

It's things like handwritten correspondence between my ex and the AP, copies of emails and text messages, etc.

Def get rid of it or do something with it so the kids don't find it.

[Anonymous]

Toss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever is in your divorce records is not the unbiased or total explanation of what actually happened.

I'm not talking about legal documents, who cares about that.

It's things like handwritten correspondence between my ex and the AP, copies of emails and text messages, etc.

Def get rid of it or do something with it so the kids don't find it.

This. Be a mature parent. Kids don’t need to know your dirty laundry.

[Anonymous]

100% keep all the legal papers. Toss the hurtful stuff that you are "over" emotionally

[Anonymous]

We just moved and I went through my husband's papers to pare everything down into fewer boxes. His divorce papers from his prior marriage are in there. They are 25 years old now and decaying, actually (because he sucks at packing).

There were some unpleasant things for "me" to read. I don't want his kids seeing it someday, and I actually had a talk with him about that. He agreed, and dumped the papers. He went through two child support reconsideration motions. The only divorce paper necessary was the original child custody and support order. The rest is current salary and child-related expenses. And that's real time, not historical. There's really no need to keep anything other than the divorce decree. And I can't recall a time he has needed that, either. We didn't even need it when he and I got married to prove he was actually divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a topic in midlife concerns about people going through their parents paperwork (after they're dead or moved to assisted living or something) and learning some painful things that their parents hadn't told them about.

I have some paperwork from my divorce that does not paint my ex in a flattering light, but it explains why we got divorced. I kept it in case I needed it as ammunition during the divorce, but that's over now. Part of me thinks the kids have a right to know exactly what happened someday. Another part of me says toss it out and forget it. I'm over it myself, but would the kids ever want to see it?

I'd been thinking about how my mom, who also got divorced, never told us the details of why it happened. We had to learn about it from her sisters after we were adults. I feel like if I told my kids, when they were adults, what happened, they might not believe it unless I could show them the written proof. They might just think I was badmouthing my ex, which I have made a point of not doing.

Kids won't see this stuff for at least 10 years if ever.

I guess there is a remote chance we might still have a custody fight, but I doubt a judge would care about this information in that context. My ex will have a long track record of being a responsible co-parent since then, thankfully.

What do you think, keep or toss?

I threw mine out when younger DD hit snooping age/the age a judge would want to talk to her before making a ruling. I did that because I witnessed firsthand my dad physically abuse my mom multiple times and it was still devastating to read their divorce records. Some things you do not need in your head.

[Anonymous]

If you’re just keeping it to drop on your kids when they’re adults or after you pass you definitely need to get rid of it. Keep your divorce decree as you may need to go get a mortgage but get rid of all the other stuff. You’re divorced, the information is no longer relevant. My son is happy that we got divorced and I’m not sure what it would do to him and his relationship with his dad to know why. Don’t push your emotional pain on your kids.

[Anonymous]

I kept the proof of my wife’s affairs in case she someday lies to my children as to why we got divorced. I have no intention of using it against her unless I have to and one day in the future I hope I can just burn it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re just keeping it to drop on your kids when they’re adults or after you pass you definitely need to get rid of it. Keep your divorce decree as you may need to go get a mortgage but get rid of all the other stuff. You’re divorced, the information is no longer relevant. My son is happy that we got divorced and I’m not sure what it would do to him and his relationship with his dad to know why. Don’t push your emotional pain on your kids.

+1.