Had to cut off visits bw kids and family member due to non-vaccination

[Anonymous]

My sister lives nearby and is single without kids. She loves my kids dearly and it means everything to her to spend time with them. The problem is that she refuses to get vaccinated. She is not allowed in the house but we have been doing weekly visits in masks on our screened in porch. Now that school is starting, we have Delta, and she started working in an office a few days a week, I am no longer comfortable with 2 hour visits on the porch (even in masks). My in-laws visit frequently and are over 70 (higher risk for breakthrough infection plus FIL has medical issues and lives in senior housing). My husband works in a health care field. Her lack of vaccination puts too much risk on us (kids health, kids school, husbands work, in-laws health). We had an argument last week after I told her the porch visits wouldn’t work anymore and I asked why she was so afraid of vaccination. It got heated. She is not talking to me. I am incredibly sad but feel very strongly that I can’t knowingly have my kids in contact with an unvaccinated adult.

Not sure what I’m asking for but wondering if others are dealing with this. She will never change her mind on vaccination.

[Anonymous]

I’m about have this conversation with my BIL and SIL and I know it will be equally ugly. I’m not sure we have a choice. Stay strong. This is hard. I don’t understand the vaccine hesitancy (mine are also childless, so maybe that has something to do with it).

[Anonymous]

You are fine. She can either get the vaccine and see the kids or she does not. Keep your kids safe. She does not have the right to endanger your kids and it is your job to determine what is acceptable risk.

I will say now that the vaccine has been formally approved look for a lot of employers, restaurants, concerts, airlines, etc to start requiring vaccinations.

[Anonymous]

You are definitely not the only person experiencing this. In case you missed it, this WaPo Op-Ed may provide some relief to feelings of isolation: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/20/family-rift-sister-covid-vaccine-refusal/

I am not experiencing what you are, though I have had/have some much lesser strains of vaccine hesitation in my family which led me to limit visits early in my DC's life. I also have an "invisible" chronic auto-immune disease, so I know something about feeling a much higher level of anxiety around COVID than someone who "appears" as healthy as I seem.

I don't really have any advice beyond saying that this time is really hard. I personally have made decisions about what risks I'm willing to take for me and my family, and which I am not. And I refuse to debate/justify them even to my physician parents (luckily, they have been willing to agree even when they disagree). You've made your risk calculation based on what you know about your situation and the available data. It doesn't sound like you made it willy-nilly...so this post is just to tell you that it's okay.

A lot of DCUM-ers will disagree with you. Heck, it's possible I'd make different decisions in your situation. At the end of the day, none of that matters. You're doing what you believe to be right for you and your family, you're not doing anything that actively harms anyone else, and in the end that's okay.

[Anonymous]

I'm lost. How do you think in others getting the vaccine will protect your kids?

[Anonymous]

I'm a SIL, and got vaccinated as soon as I could, and literally two weeks to the day after my 2nd shot, was holding my nephew in my arms.

Before his older sister was born, I got the Tdap shot. They mean the world to me. And other people mean the world to their loved ones. That's why I got vaccinated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm lost. How do you think in others getting the vaccine will protect your kids?

Welcome to Planet Earth 2021. Is it your first time here? I will help you since you are lost. People who are vaccinated are less likely to get Covid and spread Covid. That will help protect kids and others. You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

Ditch that idiot, OP. You've got to teach her a lesson.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am willing to accept a lot of risk in my life as long as I have done the basic things to mitigate obvious known risks. I ride on a bicycle with a helmet and I only ride in cars with seat belts and air bags. I do these things even though I know that I could still die in an accident while taking these precautions. But just because I could still die taking those precautions is not a reason to refuse the precautions which lower the risk. I look at vaccination the same way.

Her argument is that she could still infect them while vaccinated so getting vaccinated has no value. I would be willing to accept the small risk of her having a breakthrough infection as long as she had taken the basic precaution (vaccination) to reduce that risk.

I don't want to teach her a lesson, I just want the most basic steps to reduce the risk taken. I can never eliminate risk but I want to mitigate it and keep living our lives without fear.

[Anonymous]

What you can tell her: that you have decided you don't feel safe with the masked/porch visits anymore.

What' you can't do: push and prod and poke her about getting vaccinated. It's her choice.

If she wheedles/whines/pushes, you go back to what your decision is: "I know it's difficult, but we are being cautious and doing what we feel is best, under the guidance of our pediatrician."

You're in charge of you, and have every right to draw boundaries and be clear. But don't go poking the bear--her decision not to get vaccinated is her right. You do you, and if that means she doesn't see you/your kids, that's her decision.

[Anonymous]

Just be matter of fact in your explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am willing to accept a lot of risk in my life as long as I have done the basic things to mitigate obvious known risks. I ride on a bicycle with a helmet and I only ride in cars with seat belts and air bags. I do these things even though I know that I could still die in an accident while taking these precautions. But just because I could still die taking those precautions is not a reason to refuse the precautions which lower the risk. I look at vaccination the same way.

Her argument is that she could still infect them while vaccinated so getting vaccinated has no value. I would be willing to accept the small risk of her having a breakthrough infection as long as she had taken the basic precaution (vaccination) to reduce that risk.

I don't want to teach her a lesson, I just want the most basic steps to reduce the risk taken. I can never eliminate risk but I want to mitigate it and keep living our lives without fear.

Bottom line your sister is an idiot. You want that garbage around your family that's on you.

[Anonymous]

She has a point in that she could infect you vaccinated. I am vaccinated and have been curious about this point. Unlike you my worry would be my kids infecting her as your family is more likely to be asymptonatic and of all of you she is more likely to suffer worse effects getting covid from you. If that happened it would still be her fault for not getting the shot. I'm wondering if she was vaccinated, would you allow her to visit you unmasked and/or inside your home?

[Anonymous]

Vaccinated people can be symptom free but can pick up and carry the virus. Until my kids get vaccinated we are being very cautious about who they get exposed to. I’d be fine with her wearing a mask and sitting on the porch. Hopefully her company will soon mandate vaccinations but again no one is risk free.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, right there with you. My sister and her husband also refuse to get vaccinated, and my kids are under 12.

Love them dearly, but it's hard not to be disappointed.