Had to cut off visits bw kids and family member due to non-vaccination

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am willing to accept a lot of risk in my life as long as I have done the basic things to mitigate obvious known risks. I ride on a bicycle with a helmet and I only ride in cars with seat belts and air bags. I do these things even though I know that I could still die in an accident while taking these precautions. But just because I could still die taking those precautions is not a reason to refuse the precautions which lower the risk. I look at vaccination the same way.

Her argument is that she could still infect them while vaccinated so getting vaccinated has no value. I would be willing to accept the small risk of her having a breakthrough infection as long as she had taken the basic precaution (vaccination) to reduce that risk.

I don't want to teach her a lesson, I just want the most basic steps to reduce the risk taken. I can never eliminate risk but I want to mitigate it and keep living our lives without fear.

Someone pointed out on another thread that this is a 'black or white' type thinking when the situation is really grey. It's not that vaccines are/aren't 100% effective. They are not. But, that doesn't mean they are of no value. They reduce the likelihood of getting the virus, and if you do get it, reduce it's symptoms and likelihood of transmitting it to someone else. But, I know I'm preaching to the choir on this thread.

[Anonymous]

I think people should get vaccinated but honestly, your kids are far more likely to be exposed at school.

[Anonymous]

Just be short and straightforward. No vaccine, no visits. Don’t debate or negotiate. There is about another year of this. Case count could go down, she could start claiming she has natural immunity, whatever. No vaccine, no visit.

If someone refuses to get a vaccine they have no right to force themselves and their decision on others who are acting responsibly.

[Anonymous]

I'm in this same position. It is incredibly hard, but I am holding firm on not seeing my unvaccinated sister.

I just don't see why my family should have to risk getting unnecessarily sick because she won't be a responsible adult. But also I do not want it on me if one of my children got her sick.

The vaccines are not perfect and I know I can't fully shield my kids from Covid. But the standard I have set is that we will see people who are doing their very best to keep us and others safe - and "very best" means vaccinated if eligible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people should get vaccinated but honestly, your kids are far more likely to be exposed at school.

Just because there are other risks doesn't mean you don't mitigate those you easily can.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's good you asked. You may as well not ask again since I don't think asking will changer her behavior. She'll get over her anger towards you. Give that time (like maybe months). Stick to your plan. She should not be near your kids unvaccinated.

[Anonymous]

We (well, really my ex) is going through this now with one set of grandparents. In addition to refusing to vaccinate and thereby increased risk of them bringing something to my kids AND my kids exposing them, we are also worried that they will spout their anti-vaccine conspiracy theories to the kids and scare them about getting the vaccine when it is approved for kids.
My ex (it's his parents) made the call but I'm so relieved that we were on the same page.

He eventually compromised on a short, outdoor, masked visit (as opposed to the overnight stays in their house that they wanted.)

[Anonymous]

If you are fine with not seeing your sister for the rest of your life it's your choice to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people should get vaccinated but honestly, your kids are far more likely to be exposed at school.

This is true, but op needs her kids to go to school. Visits with her sister are inconvenient much easier to cut them off

[Anonymous]

It comes down to this (at least for me). My kids. Or my sister. And to elaborate, my kids health. Or making sister angry. Which of course may cause other family friction. Then it becomes family friction or . . . my kids. For me, kids every time.

Yes they could get sick from school or grocery stores or walking in the park even with everyone wearing masks and social distancing. But do you want to lay awake at night and wonder if you had done something different, would they be sick? Or instead say at least I’m glad I didn’t make anyone angry or cause tension in the family.

Not saying any of this is easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are fine with not seeing your sister for the rest of your life it's your choice to make.

NP. When I can get my kids vaccinated, I will likely allow them to see people who are not vaccinated, if only outdoors/on a porch/indoors with masks, whatever the landscape warrants at the time.

So it’s not “the rest of our lives,” it’s “until kids can also be vaccinated.” See the difference?

[Anonymous]

The best analogy for the unvaccinated is drunk drivers. You may get in a car accident with someone who is sober but it’s far more likely if the driver is drunk. Would you let your sister drive your kids somewhere if she was drunk? Would you give in if she became angry because drinking was her choice?

[Anonymous]

I'm going through this with extended family and have friends going through this with their siblings as well. It's not fun but I really applaud you for setting that boundary. I have friends trying to make compromises to keep family happy but they are so stressed and I think allowing for any wiggle room is just asking for trouble. Your sister has made a firm decision, so it is on HER, not you. I know it's sad but it's her fault that she can't see her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are fine with not seeing your sister for the rest of your life it's your choice to make.

I hate this narrative - people choosing to not get vaccinated are the ones making the choice. Everyone else is just trying to keep their family safe and keep their sanity.

[Anonymous]

I am a childless aunt and also a traveler. I got my first shot on Tuesday night. I did not want it, but I want to live the best life I can for as long as I’m able, and that means being able to see my nieces and nephews without adding undue risk and being able to travel freely again.

I sympathize with your sister and her reasons because I had them too. The vax fans are winning in terms of future societal norms, so here I am. DH is considering it now that he realizes how many local places are requiring proof of vaccination to even enter a bar or restaurant and that I’ll be leaving him behind to travel if he’s not able to enter a country without it.