Unexpected Grief

[Anonymous]

Summer has been so busy with family travel and prep for DD’s college move I haven’t had time to think. Dropped DD off at college yesterday without tears. Am now collapsing into tears every other hour. I miss her so much. Can’t walk by her room without sobbing. Her favorite cookies bring tears to my eyes. For some reason the impending grieving was not on my radar or at all anticipated. Anyone have advice for coping? Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. I know it's hard. Congrats on successfully launching your daughter! Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. This is so hard. Hard, but perfectly normal. Not just that your DD is gone - It's also the end of an era.

Go ahead and cry. It will pass, but not necessarily quickly.

[Anonymous]

OP Sending Hugs.

This is a new chapter, not an ending.

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen this with several moms, you’ll hopefully adjust to it in a few weeks

[Anonymous]

I know . . . it's hard. You've had your cry; now, don't wallow in it. Close her bedroom door. Read an absorbing novel. Clean closets and drawers. Call a friend. Start a new TV show. Cook something delicious while playing your favorite music. Go for a walk and listen to a podcast. Send a care package. Keep a gratitude/happiness journal: item 1 -- your daughter is starting a new adventure -- that's a wonderful thing.

[Anonymous]

Do you have other kids? I was mostly fine but I have two younger kids. I imagine when the youngest goes off it will be hard

[Anonymous]

You have survived the worst of it. When you talk/text, don’t mention your sadness. Once you hear how happy she is, you will feel better.

[Anonymous]

What They Don’t Tell You About Dropping Your Kid Off At College
https://www.scarymommy. com/dont-tell-you-about-dropping-kid-off-at-college/

[Anonymous]

I can so relate to you! I have only one child, and the weekend I dropped her off was so difficult. Our home was eerily quiet, and the same when I came home as when I left it. There was no one to cook for or to eat with. I wondered and worried about her.

BUT: I also started to enjoy the calm of not having to plan two lives. I enjoyed the freedom of eating when I wanted, what I wanted, where I wanted (without as much attention to nutrition, truth be told!). I realized how often they come home (for more than a month at Christmas time). And that was like a big celebration/having a VIP visit.

I have not been entirely successful at filling up my life, the way everyone advises. I still work full time, and with one less helpful person around, my weekends are full with my own chores and what used to be hers. I miss her often, but am less saddened when I see something that reminds me of her that I was freshman year. I just text her a photo, so she knows I am thinking of her. I look forward to our weekly phone calls (set something up, that works for her, so you know when you will hear how she is).

I loved being the mom of a little one, so don't really expect this phase of my life to be as fun. BUT. I am getting a lot of joy and pride in seeing what she is accomplishing, how excited she is about her future, the adult she is growing into.

So yes, experience your grief, one phase of parenting is ending. But you will still see your child a lot over the next few years, she still needs you and will bring you joy. Good luck with the adjustment, many have gone before you and should lend support.

[Anonymous]

I was in your shoes 2 years ago after we dropped off DS at college. It was rough. Give yourself the space to grieve this transition. I promise that you will get through it.

[Anonymous]

My DDs class lost two classmates in a car accident shortly after graduation (not that it matters but it was weather not alcohol related). When I have started to feel sad about her departure, I remind myself what a blessing it is to be able to see your kid launch and pursue their independence and interests. This is a blessing not everyone gets. I am not suggesting that you need to deny your feelings of loss, but it may help temper them if you note that watcing a capable, prepared young adult strike out on their own is a gift that not all parents get.

[Anonymous]

True. I know a mom with a special needs child, who will never attend college. She worries about how her daughter will get by when she is older. She would LOVE to launch her daughter to an exciting internship or year of study abroad.

The mother's days never change, and her daughter never grows up. She envies families who move through the healthy stages of development.

[Anonymous]

It is sad and give it time, but agree that distraction is key! Plan some activities for you, lunches with friends, pick up a hobby you used to love prior to kids.

I have been very surprised that I’m not as much of a mess as I expected given my sudden empty nest. My biggest issue is that DH drives me nuts lol.

I’m fortunate because my kids text me a lot to let me know what’s going on but it’s going to be a long time before parents weekend in October!

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same place, OP. I dropped my ds at college last week and have randomly sobbed ever since. I am in physical pain because I miss him so much. I hope it will get easier.