Has anyone had a surrogate pregnancy in your 40s?

[Anonymous]

I’m 43 and would love to have a baby via surrogate with genetic testing.

Could anyone share their experience?

[Anonymous]

Yes, we used a surrogate (or more specifically a gestational carrier, GC - it was our own PGS-tested embryo) for our baby. I was 44 and couldn't physically carry a pregnancy; the embryo was from when I was 42. It was 100% worth it! The hardest part was getting started. Once we had our lawyer she walked us through the entire process alongside our RE so we essentially just had to follow instructions.

I guess I was most nervous about the relationship with the GC herself, not knowing what to expect and it being such a, well, bizarrely intimate relationship. But I think the women that are willing to do this for someone else are just so wonderful and generous by nature - and a good lawyer/agency will know how to match you with someone that fits your personality and vice-versa. I'm pretty reserved and down to earth and so was our GC. Three years later we're Facebook friends and have a lot of goodwill but that's about the extent of our continued relationship, which suits us both well.

One thing I know some people are really concerned about with a surrogate is the psychological consultation that's required. In various support forums I saw some women get very upset about that, viewing it as a sort of personal invasion and a 'test' by the state to determine their fitness to be a parent. But although it's the only time I've ever seen a psychologist, I actually found it really helpful and reassuring. Our doctor specialized in these sort of conversations. There was one with just me and DH, she had one with our GC, and then one with the three of us together. It was very matter-of-fact and she asked good questions and gave us good advice on things to think about.

Now in my late 40s totally enjoying having a little one. Definitely keeping me in better shape than I probably otherwise would've been. If you have specific questions happy to try to answer them for you. I'll also say that I found some of the threads on Resolve's infertility boards useful. They have a forum specifically for 3rd party reproduction: https://www.inspire.com/groups/finding-a-resolution-for-infertility/topic/third-party-reproduction/.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I had my child via GC. I was 43 when we started and 45 when the baby was born.
It took a while to get matched but we lucked out with an amazing repeat GC who also had several kids of her own. The process wasn’t as stressful as going through multiple failed transfers of my own.

[Anonymous]

I was 40 by the time my surrogate gave birth, but still (barely) in my 30s when I started looking for a surrogate through an agency. The owner of the agency told me that I was on the younger end of the spectrum for intended parents, so I think most are in their 40s (or 50s, or even older sometimes). Be aware that some agencies have age limits (I know of at least one that has a cutoff of 45, and more that have a cutoff at 50). But some agencies will work with anyone. YMMV.