Husband screams when frustrated, but not at me

[Anonymous]

This has been happening with increasing frequency the past couple of years. It happened again tonight.

DH will make a mistake, or something frustrating will happen, and he just absolutely loses it. Screams the f word at the top of his lungs several times in a row while stomping his feet. Like a big tantrum. The reaction seems out of proportion to the event. Tonight it was because he accidentally broke a lamp.

He never screams like this at me. He did scream like this once after discovering our elderly cat peed on his desk, and was yelling, “where is she?” I grabbed her and hid in the bathroom with her until he calmed down because I was afraid he would harm her in his irrational state.

When I have told him that I don’t want to be around him when he acts like this, he gets mad and tells me he has a right to express his anger.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely say loudly “Oh F” if a lamp fell over and broke or an animal peed all over my furniture.

Seems like a normal response to me. And any tv show or movie.

Like you said, he’s not calling you a curse word.

Hopefully it’s just a load superlative at the bad situation and some complaining. Then move on, rise it and try to not let the accident happen again.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I don't think he does have a right to behave this way in front of you. I know I could not live that way. Hate yelling.

[Anonymous]

You’re both right. He has a right to express his feelings, but he also needs to understand how unpleasant and threatening this behavior is to others. He may not be violent towards you, it’s definitely an implicit threat of violence.

I would tell him the same thing I would tell a child: you can scream as much as you want in your room with the door shut. You don’t get to subject other people to listening to it.

If you don’t have children, please resolve this issue before having kids, or break up. I grew up with a father who had similar outbursts and it affected me deeply. Even if you are not being hit, the threat of violence hangs in the air. It’s not a good way to grow up.

[Anonymous]

How often is this happening or how accident-prone is he?

He should prob turn the volume and stomping down a notch.

[Anonymous]

This would be understandable for a mom, given all the pressure, sexism, and stress out society puts on Women with children.

But a grown man should not behave this way at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be understandable for a mom, given all the pressure, sexism, and stress out society puts on Women with children.

But a grown man should not behave this way at all.

Actually, nobody, male or female, should express themselves in a way that’s so unpleasant and threatening to the people around them. A grownup goes to another room and then screams.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not be okay with screaming, at all.

[Anonymous]

What? The dude is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be understandable for a mom, given all the pressure, sexism, and stress out society puts on Women with children.

But a grown man should not behave this way at all.

Oh look honey the man haters are here. You had a perfect opportunity to say something constructive and you blew it. It’s okay for woman to scream and misbehave, but men shouldn’t?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely say loudly “Oh F” if a lamp fell over and broke or an animal peed all over my furniture.

Seems like a normal response to me. And any tv show or movie.

Like you said, he’s not calling you a curse word.

Hopefully it’s just a load superlative at the bad situation and some complaining. Then move on, rise it and try to not let the accident happen again.

+1 I think your husband went a bit over the top but if I broke a lamp or a cat peed on my desk I'm sure my husband would swear out loud but he would not have a nuclear meltdown. He has never sworn at me except under his breath so I can live with it.

[Anonymous]

Mine reacts like this too, but not at me or the kids. It was how his mom expressed frustration. I don’t know how to unlearn it but he’s considering therapy.

[Anonymous]

This sounds stressful to deal with, OP.

Maybe he has a mental health challenge or ADHD, which can be associated with difficulty regulating emotions? Maybe he is dealing with stress at work?

I don't want to scare you, but are you sure that he would never become violent toward you?

[Anonymous]

unmanly

[Anonymous]

My DH does this, too. I can hear him pounding on the desk, cursing, yelling .. at no one. We both WFH.

The kids kind of get scared when he does it. They mentioned it during dinner one night, how when dad gets frustrated mad he jumps up and down, pounds things, and "acts like a toddler" - those are the exact words they used.

I think he got the picture. He seems to have calmed down a bit after that.

It's not a good look.