Is it too soon to make a move? Should I even make a ( subtle) move?

[Anonymous]

2 years ago I worked with a guy that I liked. He was married, so nothing happened between us, and I ended up taking a job elsewhere and my feelings for him faded as I moved on with my life and dated available men. Fast forward to now we are again working in the same place. I had no idea he was working at the same hospital until some of the other nurses were talking about the cute pharmacist and lo and behold it was him. I made sure to tell him hello. and we've been friendly with each other, even having lunch together. Old feelings are still there for me. He's no longer married. His wife passed away suddenly not long after I changed jobs.
So here's my question is 2 years after losing a spouse too soon to want to date again? Would it be bad form for me to hint at that? Should I keep it quiet and just continue our friendship and see what happens, assuming he'll make a move if he's interested?


Not worried about workplace dating we aren't in the same dept and have no conflicts there, and I know of several couples where I work.

[Anonymous]

I’m a widow, and the length of time before dating can vary greatly from person to person. You could keep having lunch and see what happens

[Anonymous]

Keep having lunch, keep looking good at work, invite him for drinks after work, see if he accepts.

[Anonymous]

2 years is long enough to receive offers from people. So if he doesn’t suggest things, he shouldn’t be surprised that women make the first step.
Go ahead, OP

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the answers. Does it seem it's okay to gently pursue then?

Lunch has been more incidental than intentional such that if we happen to be on break at the same time and run into each other we'll go together, but it's not like we're calling each other ahead of time.

Would it be okay to call him and ask to meet for lunch? Or maybe offer to pick something up for him or stop by with a coffee?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the answers. Does it seem it's okay to gently pursue then?

Lunch has been more incidental than intentional such that if we happen to be on break at the same time and run into each other we'll go together, but it's not like we're calling each other ahead of time.

Would it be okay to call him and ask to meet for lunch? Or maybe offer to pick something up for him or stop by with a coffee?

Yes, it's socially acceptable. OP, only a nice woman like you could ask this. Posters have come on here in the past bemoaning the fact that their fathers moved on mere months after the death of their wives... So you're fine

[Anonymous]

Interesting he hasn’t asked you out… Do you flirt with him, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting he hasn’t asked you out… Do you flirt with him, OP?

I wouldn't say flirt explicitly flirt no. I did compliment his haircut and he's kept that up. I also told him one of his shirts looked nice, made his eyes stand out, and he's worn it a lot since. Not sure if that qualifies as flirting or means anything at all.

[Anonymous]

Do you know that he's not dating anyone now?

If you've had lunch several times when you run into each other by accident, but he has never even asked you to lunch or suggested it, it seems possible he might not be that into you or might be dating someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know that he's not dating anyone now?

If you've had lunch several times when you run into each other by accident, but he has never even asked you to lunch or suggested it, it seems possible he might not be that into you or might be dating someone else.

Oh please! If he didn't want to eat lunch with her he wouldn't especially more than once. If he had zero interest in her and was seeing her he'd mention the girlfriend. It also seems he cares about OP's opinion given the shirt thing.

I think someone else had a good idea about asking him to do something outside of work. What do you talk about during lunch ? Is your conversation work-related or general or do you get into more personal things? Do you know him enough to know if you have anything in common?

[Anonymous]

I don't know if he has a girlfriend. I haven't asked and he hasn't said so.

We talk about work, politics, TV shows, food, weekend plans, our dogs, podcasts, and random stuff we saw on the internet.

I know we both like hiking and Mexican food.

[Anonymous]

So invite him to take a hike this weekend and then stop for Mexican food afterwards. Outdoorsy and casual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So invite him to take a hike this weekend and then stop for Mexican food afterwards. Outdoorsy and casual.

I was just about to post the same thing but PP beat me to it. And if he says no, you will get the idea that he's not interested/has interests elsewhere/is not ready for next-level companionship.

~a widow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So invite him to take a hike this weekend and then stop for Mexican food afterwards. Outdoorsy and casual.

I was just about to post the same thing but PP beat me to it. And if he says no, you will get the idea that he's not interested/has interests elsewhere/is not ready for next-level companionship.

~a widow

Agree with these two. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So invite him to take a hike this weekend and then stop for Mexican food afterwards. Outdoorsy and casual.

I was just about to post the same thing but PP beat me to it. And if he says no, you will get the idea that he's not interested/has interests elsewhere/is not ready for next-level companionship.

~a widow

Agree with these two. Good luck!

+3 Do this and report back to us! It sounds like fun! A bucket of Dos Equis and Mexican food after a good hike is a great date.