My 13 year old is so literal. Is this personality or phase?

[Anonymous]

I can't remember if he was always like this.
I asked him what does he think "Don't judge a book by its cover" means. He said that it means you might like a book even if you don't like the cover. I told him to think more broadly, outside of books, what else could it mean? He said, "Well, you might like a magazine even if you don't like the cover." I said, "No, I mean, nothing to do with reading material. Is there a way to apply this expression to life generally?" He said, "I don't know." My 10 year old pipes up, "It means you might like a person or something else even if you don't like the way they look at first." 10 may have already been familiar with the expression; not sure. Maybe my explanation of what I was looking for was too vague. Just seemed like something 13 year old should've been able to answer.

Another thing my 13 does is focus on a minor detail that is said incorrectly but miss the actual point of something.
For example, when school was in session, I might ask him what time is his zoom meeting. He'll say, "Oh, I don't have one today." Turns out he does have a class meeting, but it's on google, not zoom. Or I'll ask him when is his next math quiz and he'll say there's not one scheduled yet, but it turns out he has a test tomorrow.

He asked me what 'convoluted' means. I told him it means complicated, or hard to follow. He said, "Oh, so if someone has a car that looks like every other car, it would be convoluted?"
I'm like, huh? He meant that it would be hard to follow someone if their car looks like everyone else's car.

This happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Figurative language is a challenge for many kids. It’s heavily emphasized in my 8th grade curriculum. Expressions like you mentioned are the type of thing many kids have to have explained to them or used multiple times in context before they can see the meaning. I am more surprised the 10 year old was able to apply it with no context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Figurative language is a challenge for many kids. It’s heavily emphasized in my 8th grade curriculum. Expressions like you mentioned are the type of thing many kids have to have explained to them or used multiple times in context before they can see the meaning. I am more surprised the 10 year old was able to apply it with no context.

OP here. Thanks. I wondered if it's just typical development.
My 10 year old is not gifted by any means, but he is good at that kind of thing. He'll come up with puns and plays on language that would not have occurred to me.

[Anonymous]

He's trolling you. I used to do that as a kid. Sometimes I still do that to people.

[Anonymous]

I was and am a more literal person and it seemed like my parents never figured it out. Eventually my brain caught up, but it took until I was an adult and had more experience.

[Anonymous]

I agree that he's trolling you. I used to get a kick out of doing this, too!

[Anonymous]

I don’t think he’s trolling you. My oldest is like this and it can be incredibly aggravating—you can ask if she has any homework due for math and she will say no, but in fact she has some assignment that for some technical reason was not called “homework” that is due. That’s just one example but she often misinterprets instructions because she thinks shout them literally not practically—she’s often the one that suffers tje consequences so it’s not something she’s doing on purpose. She is borderline for an ASD diagnosis. It’s very common in people with ASD. Like many personality traits, this comes on a spectrum.

[Anonymous]

So the zoom/Google and quiz/test definitely seems like a teenager trying to be a smart ass. The other stuff he could be messing with you or he just may have a harder time with figurative language. The fact that you are noticing it now and not when he was younger makes me think he's trying to be a PITA

[Anonymous]

Op, DD had trouble with nuance, figurative language. In HS she excelled at chemistry, and particularly liked math. Liked when there was only one true answer. She has a quirky sense of humor and sometimes, imo, can't read the room. She makes it work though and has lots of friends.

[Anonymous]

My DS is like this, though he is younger. Whereas his older sister at the same age seemed to intuitively pick up what figurative language meant. Seems to me to be a personality thing with him -- he is always very precise, has a good memory for facts, and says exactly what he means. I remember him doing the poetry unit at school and it was kind of hilarious -- he just could not understand why people would use all these similes and metaphors to describe something. His poem about a bear was basically a very precise description of a bear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think he’s trolling you. My oldest is like this and it can be incredibly aggravating—you can ask if she has any homework due for math and she will say no, but in fact she has some assignment that for some technical reason was not called “homework” that is due. That’s just one example but she often misinterprets instructions because she thinks shout them literally not practically—she’s often the one that suffers the consequences so it’s not something she’s doing on purpose. She is borderline for an ASD diagnosis. It’s very common in people with ASD. Like many personality traits, this comes on a spectrum.

OP, yes, this exactly. Sometimes the teacher will tell students who didn't complete their classwork to finish it at home, but as far as he is concerned, he doesn't have 'homework,' he has 'classwork to complete at home.' Then I adapted to asking: Do you have any schoolwork that you are supposed to work on tonight? LoL. I can't think of the precise example, but I remember another instance when I was calling something a "project" but the school called it something else and he never knew what I was talking about.

I don't think he's trolling me. I think he is genuinely answering the question he thought he was asked. I mean, he can certainly be a smartass, but these particular examples seem real and as I said, are just examples of a frequent occurrence.

[Anonymous]

He’ll make a good contract lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Is he otherwise bright? My guess is he’s either not as smart as your 10 year old (sorry, I feel bad saying this) or possibly on the spectrum?

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old is like this, but it isn't a new revelation.

He's been in speech therapy since he was very young for expressive language issues. One of his prime goals right now is "flexibility" in using language and understanding abstract/non-literal language.
So, while he may be just being a smart-ass teenager, he may also truly be struggling. DS is going into 7th grade, and this particular aspect of his issues really started to become more of an issue last year. Once they get into middle school, language arts and books really assume that you have that "language flexibility" and that you understand abstract language issues - before that a kid could easily skate under the radar with these problems.

So... if these are the only examples, then it just might be developmental or he might be a smart ass. But if this sort of fits into a bigger picture of communication challenges, it might be worth an evaluation by an SLP. Just be sure it's one who has experience with older kids and who focuses on language, not speech issues. You definitely don't want an SLP who primarily works with preschools or on articulation/speech issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’ll make a good contract lawyer.

For real. I’m a lawyer, and my DD is the same. I feel like I’m working the most difficult cross examination in the world because this kid will answer only the exact question asked. (Defense attorney’s dream.) Drives me bonkers.

And it’s totally not intentional. It’s how she truly perceives the world. Has an ADD-Inattentive diagnosis, but as some other PPs have hinted, I’ve often suspected she’s on the ASD spectrum as well.