Anyone else’s kid shed their belongings before college?
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Anonymous
| Rising freshman dd has started donating massive amounts of her stuff, mostly clothes, and is saying that she’s going to take everything she owns with her to college. Is this normal? She has no signs of depression. |
Anonymous
| That is strange. I wanted to take ALLLL my clothes to college and I had a lot. Wouldn't have shed. Is she pretty minimalist? Have you talked about turning her room into something else? This post makes me kind of sad tbh! |
Anonymous
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Nope, not normal. A half a dorm room is not big enough for "all" a teen's belongings. Her roommate will hate her, unless she's adopting a minimalist lifestyle.
Just tell her no, she has to leave some stuff at home. |
Anonymous
Clearing out excess stuff before you go off to college? That sounds good to me. |
Anonymous
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Wait. I'm confused. Is she giving everything she owns and is meaningfully to her away (clothes and belongings) before leaving for college or is she just donating clothes to Goodwill (or where ever) and taking stuff to college?
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Anonymous
^meaningful |
Anonymous
OP here. She is giving away many things to Goodwill. Of the rather small amount of things she’s not bringing to Goodwill, she plans to bring almost all of it with her to college and leave a very, very small portion at home. |
Anonymous
| I'm also confused ... this sounds like an organized young woman who doesn't want to deal with tons and tons of stuff. |
Anonymous
| Mine got rid of all the clothes (and shoes, so many shoes) she dodn't like or were too small. Taking the rest? Not a chance it would fit in a dorm room, so no. Not to mention she is heading south, and is leaving winter gear here (for Thanksgiving and winter break) |
Anonymous
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I tried to do that and my mom wouldn’t let me. But I had a really controlling mother who chose all my clothes in high school and restricted my access to transportation so I couldn’t buy my own things (before debit cards, Internet shopping, etc). If I could have gone to college with only things that reflected who I actually was and what I actually liked, I would have barely taken anything.
Has your DD been stuck in an identity forced on her by family or by the culture of your town or her high school? In other words, is she a really sporty kid in a town that chafes against anything that’s not girly, or a thrift store shopper but you only buy her preppy clothes? Or maybe she is going somewhere very different than home and just wants a fresh start. Sounds great to me! Get her a copy of the Marie Kondo book. I think she would enjoy it and it might help her explain to you where she’s coming from. |
Anonymous
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Is she giving away things you find meaningful or that she does? I went through this with my sentimental mother who can’t part with anything. One example, I had a favorite Jean jacket in 6th grade. I loved it so she saved it. I didn’t care about it by college but refused to throw it out or let me donate. I’m in my 40s and had an argument with her recently when I found it in her basement and was sneaking it out. There is no attachment to that old jacket. She thought my tween daughter would want it. No.
I got rid of everything. Yearbooks, prom dresses, you name it. I am a minimalist who can’t stand clutter. My sister is the same and we think part of us are the way we are because our parents saved everything. So really look to see if she’s depressed and these are warning signs or if she’s doing a massive clean out. |
Anonymous
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I did a lot of that! I would have done more but my mom thought I was crazy. It just dragged out—every time I’d come home for Christmas or summer I’d take a few more boxes to the thrift store or fill up another garbage bag.
When HS was over, I wanted it to be over. |
Anonymous
| Can you tell us what you feel is the small amount of clothes she has left? Like, how many pairs of pants and shirts did she keep? More than 5? |
Anonymous
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I didn’t do that, but it makes a lot of sense - once you go to college, you don’t really ever come home again. And if you do come back to live, at 22 what do you need from your 16-18 years?
You end up collecting a lot of new stuff on college, and your tastes change. If you don’t want your Dd giving it all away right now, maybe box it and donate in a year or so when you fee more confident she really doesn’t want it? |
Anonymous
| OP here. She’s keeping the sentimental stuff (taking half of it with her and leaving the other half at home). But she’s getting rid of a ton of stuff. 15+ bags so far. |