Found out secondhand that my sister came out
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Anonymous
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I'm always the last to know anything when it comes to one of my sisters- job changes, new boyfriends, etc. Not only do I find out well after my other sister and parents know, but often after extended family as well. Since we've become adults she's been closer to my other sister but we are in regular contact- she just never tells me anything of consequence when we talk (I don't typically ask if she's seeing anyone because I kind of hated when people asked me that when I was single). Sometimes I think she does it on purpose to make me the odd one out (she's always been very competitive).
Well this weekend I found out from my mom that my sister has been dating another woman for 6 months! Her first same sex relationship that i know of. I do NOT think this is a case where she would be afraid of my reaction- I'm pretty liberal and supportive of LGBT rights and we have a couple gay cousins and several friends as well. I asked my mom why my sister didn't tell me herself and my mom was like oh, she's been so busy and hasn't had the time to call so said I could tell you. I'm happy for her but I'm feeling confused and irrationally hurt finding out about such a big milestone in her life this way. It's also been a super stressful couple weeks for me so I think it's all just compounding. Since she doesn't have time to talk to me, do I just send a text expressing support and that I'm here when she has time? |
Anonymous
| Please don't make this about you. Just call her and congratulate her and catch up on her life. |
Anonymous
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That post was all about you. Wow.
I can guess why your sister doesn't share things with you. Really. |
Anonymous
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Sometimes when people have news, they don't want to spend a lot of time calling everyone in the family and letting them know. They give information to a family member who they expect to help spread the news instead of calling everyone. So you aren't on the first call list. I wouldn't make a big issue out of it.
My siblings are 20 months apart and I am 5 and 6.5 years younger. I am in my 50's and my siblings are both in their 60's. They have always been closer due to their age difference and only being one school year apart. When my brother moved to another city (almost 40 years ago), a couple of years later, my sister moved to be near him and they have been in that city ever since. They see each other regularly. I see them a couple of times a year. They are naturally much closer. We all talk to Mom at least once a week and we give her news. Prior to the pandemic, if they had news, I usually got it when I talked to Mom and vice versa. I rarely called either of them directly. Since the pandemic, we have family Zoom meetings once/week so that Mom can see all of us (and the grandkids, since we have the only kids still at home). Now we share the information directly via Zoom, but for nearly 30 years, I rarely spoke to either of my siblings directly. And yet we all love each other and we just assume Mom would pass the info around so that we we not have to call each other in addition to calling Mom (we are all very busy). |
Anonymous
Yeah OP sounds pretty dreadful. |
Anonymous
| This is not about you. My mom was the oldest of her first cousins. They were all 18 and 16 when I was born. My mom died when I was a teenager. As adults, they (all men) are super close and I tend to get news later. One told me once he wanted to get together to talk about something (I had a feeling what it was) but he never followed up. I later found out from another of the cousins that he came out to the family and was the biological father of a child with a lesbian couple he was close friends with. He hadn’t wanted to tell anyone in the family until his dad died. I was thrilled for him and did not care that he didn’t tell me personally. I saw him soon after and expressed my happiness about the child etc. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to “announce” this to everyone, even siblings. |
Anonymous
+1. Or just send a nice card. |
Anonymous
| I mean it doesn't sound like you are that close. You don't seem to ask any details about your sister's life or talk closely like a lot of sisters do. I can see why she didn't call you up and say "guess what? I'm dating another woman!". Call your sister to talk, but try to open up and have a close relationship instead of only exchanging pleasantries. |
Anonymous
| Maybe she's not treating like BIG NEWS, I'M OUT!! And it's just another relationship to her. Would you expect her to tell you if she had been dating a guy for 6 months? |
Anonymous
Lol isn’t that what most of this forum is- cheap therapy sessions? OP I understand the feeling of being left out- I’m one of three siblings and live across the country from the other two and they see each other all the time and are much closer. When my brother got engaged my parents didn’t even tell me- I learned from his fiancé’s Facebook post! Just call her, if she doesn’t pick up leave a nice message and the ball is in her court. |
Anonymous
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Maybe she's not ready to announce yet. Maybe she acknowledges the two of you aren't that close and that's why she hasn't told you.
As others have said, this is not about you. As YOU said, you're IRRATIONALLY hurt. |
Anonymous
| For a reason that is not clear to me, it sounds like she was nervous telling you about it. It’s a stressful conversation to have with some people. |
Anonymous
Seriously, it's rare that both a question and the answer to the question are contained so completely in one post. And not only does OP not recognize this, she attributes nefarious motives to her sister. |
Anonymous
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I get it op, but try not to take it personally.
Just let her know that you know and can't wait to meet her gf when she's ready |
Anonymous
Yeah OP sounds really nasty, no wonder the sister asked her mom to tell her! OP it’s clear your sister doesn’t want to deal with you personally, think real hard about why that is. |