Found out secondhand that my sister came out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a reason that is not clear to me, it sounds like she was nervous telling you about it. It’s a stressful conversation to have with some people.

This. Are you one of those people that makes a Big Deal about everything? My mom is like this, everything is a Big Deal, so I became very selective with what I shared because it was too stressful. If you're a Big Dealer, try not to make it as such this time, just say you look forward to meeting the girlfriend and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a reason that is not clear to me, it sounds like she was nervous telling you about it. It’s a stressful conversation to have with some people.

It's pretty clear to me!

[Anonymous]

I think that's really weird. Extended family knew before you?? Odd.

[Anonymous]

People are projecting so much s**t on OP that I imagine these answers are useless to her.

[Anonymous]

Some people don’t “come out”… anymore than you announce you are heterosexual.

6 months is not that long.

If she did tell you what would you had actually said.

[Anonymous]

Look back over your life with her. Did you ever squeal on her or share a confidence out of turn? You don't even seem to like your sister very much, actually, the way you write about her. You cannot force a sibling to be closer to you than to another sibling. You have no control here. You can try to forge a stronger bond by communicating with her better than you have in the past, but maybe it is what it is. This isn't about her coming out, it is about you being upset that you don't know her well enough to know first.

[Anonymous]

It’s not about you. My daughter told us a while back. It was not a big coming out announcement, we said okay and I think she had already spoken about this to her friends for a while. She wanted to let us and her siblings know and then move on. Nothing has changed. She is still the exact same person with her same personality, hobbies and interests.

As far as I know, she hasn’t told anyone else in the family. They are very liberal and accepting and we have gay members of the extended family. I haven’t said anything. I’m not hiding but it’s not my business to share. I’m sure she would much rather talk to her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins about her sports teams than her sexual preferences anyway. Well, maybe not some of her cousins but they could be discussing for all I know.

[Anonymous]

22:28 again. I would not text your support. I would send s a text and keep it casual. - Hey mom told me about Laura. I’d love to meet her. Let me know when you are up for grabbing drinks.

Or whatever you would say if you found out your sibling was in a new relationship.

[Anonymous]

OP, just ignore it until she decides to check in with you- then support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are projecting so much s**t on OP that I imagine these answers are useless to her.

This happens all the time on here. So laughable.

[Anonymous]

This is funny. Last year, I shared milestone news with my sister (whom I don't consider myself close to), whereas I told my brother quickly (whom I do consider myself close to). I thought she would have been excited for me. But... she proceeded to ghost me and we haven't spoken since. [I actually checked in once, as I thought something had happened to her, but she gave me a curt response.]

If you love your sister, just text her. Maybe she didn't feel close enough to tell you. That doesn't mean this is about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just ignore it until she decides to check in with you- then support.

+1. Or at least give yourself a few days before reaching out. Given she was in no rush to tell you, you don’t have to rush to acknowledge it either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That post was all about you. Wow.

I can guess why your sister doesn't share things with you. Really.

Lol isn’t that what most of this forum is- cheap therapy sessions?

OP I understand the feeling of being left out- I’m one of three siblings and live across the country from the other two and they see each other all the time and are much closer. When my brother got engaged my parents didn’t even tell me- I learned from his fiancé’s Facebook post!

Just call her, if she doesn’t pick up leave a nice message and the ball is in her court.

With the meanest therapists in the world!

[Anonymous]

Or, you could treat this news as “cool she’s in a relationship again” and treat it like every boyfriend she’s had before. Does it have to be “a thing”? Was it a big deal the last time she was together with someone?

Follow her lead. She’s still the same person.

Oh, and this has nothing to do with you. She’s an adult, and dating someone. This is not really noteworthy unless your family has some kind of weird collective approvals process.

[Anonymous]

My reaction is, it is not a big deal. She is dating someone for 6 months. Maybe she will only date women from now on, maybe not.

I think there is no need for an announcement any more than for an announcement that she is heterosexual.