Regret inviting another mom to group dinner

[Anonymous]

There is a mom I went out of my way to invite to participate in a group dinner with other moms for the upcoming preschool reopening. FWIW, I don't need friends. I've lived in the area my whole life and find it hard fitting in time for family and friends as it is. She made me feel really stupid and acted very disinterested. I backtracked and said "no worries, you don't sound interested, I am just telling you about it but no pressure to come." I really regret asking her but also felt like it's not nice to make a conscious decision not to tell someone about something so many people were included in and she had not heard about yet. I want to let it go. What is a better way to deal with this situation or something similar in the future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a mom I went out of my way to invite to participate in a group dinner with other moms for the upcoming preschool reopening. FWIW, I don't need friends. I've lived in the area my whole life and find it hard fitting in time for family and friends as it is. She made me feel really stupid and acted very disinterested. I backtracked and said "no worries, you don't sound interested, I am just telling you about it but no pressure to come." I really regret asking her but also felt like it's not nice to make a conscious decision not to tell someone about something so many people were included in and she had not heard about yet. I want to let it go. What is a better way to deal with this situation or something similar in the future?

You should not regret an act of kindness. Forget her and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a mom I went out of my way to invite to participate in a group dinner with other moms for the upcoming preschool reopening. FWIW, I don't need friends. I've lived in the area my whole life and find it hard fitting in time for family and friends as it is. She made me feel really stupid and acted very disinterested. I backtracked and said "no worries, you don't sound interested, I am just telling you about it but no pressure to come." I really regret asking her but also felt like it's not nice to make a conscious decision not to tell someone about something so many people were included in and she had not heard about yet. I want to let it go. What is a better way to deal with this situation or something similar in the future?

You should not regret an act of kindness. Forget her and move on.

+1 Well put. Maybe the mom is just socially awkward, but you did nothing wrong by trying to include her.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she was awkward because a dinner with Covid rising made her uncomfortable and she didn’t know how to respond.

[Anonymous]

You’re overthinking this. You mentioned it to her, she’s not interested, you’ve done your job, everyone move on.

[Anonymous]

It was really thoughtful for you to be inclusive. Totally agree to not give this any worry.

[Anonymous]

OP-no one “makes” you feel anything. You have the power to choose how to react to her. Sounds like she was unable to handle a friendly gesture on your part. That’s all about her, and it’s pretty sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-no one “makes” you feel anything. You have the power to choose how to react to her. Sounds like she was unable to handle a friendly gesture on your part. That’s all about her, and it’s pretty sad.

+1. Also, recommend that you spend some time thinking about why you were unable to simply shrug her disinterest off.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the question, is she coming or not? It sounds like a big dinner so I don’t see how it will be an issue. It’s not a date, just talk to other people.

[Anonymous]

There is no way you could have known ahead of time that she would not be gracious. Please do not let this deter you from being inclusive in the future.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're hurt you're not the social magnet you thought you were, with all your friends. You really don't need everybody to like you. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

It sucks when you extend a pity invite but the person acts like they actually have rights and preferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sucks when you extend a pity invite but the person acts like they actually have rights and preferences.

+1 Op thinks everybody is just dying to hang out with her and just can't understand why the other mom isn't interested.

[Anonymous]

I think you are just suffering the minor discomfort of having your assumption proved wrong. You invited her thinking you were heroically including some who was feeling left our of your circle, which is a nice thing to do and made you feel good and you likely subconsciously anticipated feeling even better when she beamed her acceptance; instead you encountered someone you didn't even have you on her radar, so more than just not getting the buzz you naturally anticipated, you actually experienced an unexpected negative emotion, which can be jarring. Like when someone doesn't like a gift you thought they'd love.

She did nothing wrong; you did nothing wring; you just read the room incorrectly. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-no one “makes” you feel anything. You have the power to choose how to react to her. Sounds like she was unable to handle a friendly gesture on your part. That’s all about her, and it’s pretty sad.

She was disinterested. That doesn't suggest she was "unable to handle the gesture." Was she supposed to fake it? No. How OP felt about it comes from OP's expectation not being met. Very common. This is not the other person's fault, nor does it make the other person socially awkward.