Small fish in big pond/big fish in small pond? Discuss.

[Anonymous]

Here's a question for parents: would you rather have your kid be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond or a medium fish in a medium pond? Or do you care? Does the answer matter if your kid is of above-average intelligence, or average?

I've been thinking about this lately because I'm planning to buy a house in a different school district, but haven't decided which. I'm moving because of the schools and because of the commute and because after 10 years in my house, I'm mostly ready to move on. the school I'm in and the schools I'm considering really vary in perceived quality/ranking.

My (very young) daughter is considered smart by those who know her and her father and I both have high IQ's and masters degrees, plus we're involved in her education, so she's likely to be smart. But I hesitate to put her into one of the "pressure cooker" schools I hear about. Part of me thinks it might be nice for her to have the opportunity to not be just one of hundreds of super-smart, super-achieving kids. If I can afford a home in one of the top-5 Fairfax high school boundaries, or I could afford a closer-in home in one of the middle-of-the-pack high school boundaries, I'm tempted to go for middle-of-the-pack. I'd have a better commute and she could shine or be a normal middle-of-the-road achiever.

I went to a middle-of-the-pack school in a better-than-average school district (like Fairfax is) and being a smart kid, I got to shine a bit. And it was nice. But I would have been fine as an average kid there, too.

A couple of my friends intentionally bought houses in the best school districts, because of the "best" schools. But what happens if their kids aren't above-average? What if they're just normal? Or smart, but not stellar-smart? Is is hard to be an average kid in a school where average is considered "loser?"

[Anonymous]

I think you're over-thinking this.

Seriously. All the schools you're considering are objectively excellent, compared with the rest of the country. In fact, I'd guess that the real differences are likely pretty marginal, and in many (most?) cases a matter of perception more than anything real. The whole test-scores-as-measure-of-excellence standard is pretty sketchy in my opinion. If your child is indeed smart and has the support and engagement of her smart and educated parents, she'll do great wherever she is.

My advice: don't worry about the labels ("best" schools) and don't assume you can predict big fish/small fish this far out. Just pick a home you absolutely love in a neighborhood that makes you happy and feels like a community that "fits" your family. And the shorter the commute, the better, as that will mean more peace of mind and family time for you all over the years.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. I think you're over thinking this. I mean that in a good way--you probably want what's best for your child and you probably do a lot of thinking (that's better than some folks).

You're child's experience will be unique. I don't think there's any one fish- and pond-size ratio that is perfect across the board. Some children will thrive where they are big fish and some will never reach their potential without a challenge. Some need a mixture.

Life happens. Don't worry about the labels. Even schools that aren't a great mix for a child can be made better with parental involvement and constructive communication. Choose any one of the schools in this area and your child will have a wonderful education. Rather than look for schools that are "rated highest," I'd look for a home you like in a neighborhood that has other kids in a school district where you don't have a long commute. Parental involvement goes a long way. Less stress and more time with your family is a HUGE thing.

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Not to "pile on" but I agree with the PPs. Your child will no doubt have a good school experience at any of the area schools ... bright children can bloom even in a dark closet. Fortunately, that won't be necessary! Selecting a neighborhood, community, and commute that works for your family will only enhance your ability to be involved in your child's education and that is the number one thing you can do to ensure your child maximizes her potential. Best wishes!

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand your concerns. It's the sort of thing I was trying to get at in another thread about TJ (http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/94740.page). I don't have any great answers, but if I were in your shoes, I would only worry about fish vs. pond size if my child was at one extreme or the other. In other words, if my child was clearly the absolute top student in the school, I'd worry that she's not being challenged enough. And if she were near the bottom of the academic ladder, I'd worry that the school was too much for her. But if she's somewhere in the middle, I'd consider it a good match and trust her to find her own niche.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I probably am overthinking. I do that. I asked the question because as a single mom on a decent-but-not-huge income, I won't be able to afford a house or a neighborhood or a commute that I love. I'll be settling no matter what I decide - $350K or so doesn't buy much around here. I'm just trying to figure out if I should settle for a more expensive, smaller townhouse with a slightly worse commute and much better school or a more expensive, smaller townhouse with a slightly better commute and slightly better school. Our current high school is 23rd out of 24 in Fairfax (has been going steadily down in the rankings since I moved in), plus my commute to DC is long, so I figure I can maybe improve on those two things. In an ideal world, I'd live in Clarendon or Capitol Hill for the walkability and urban neighborhood feel, but the home prices in both make that an impossibility.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'll wade in here and confirm that it's OK to be concerned if you have a child who is moderate/bright -- but not an intensely driven superstar -- and you send that kid to a pressure cooker public.

We have a few family friends who live in the Walt Whitman cluster and their kids have been lost in the pressure-to-excel shuffle. Their young teens are capable and likely brighter than the average U.S. teen, however it's not their life's desire to win the Intel Science Talent Search and then go to MIT. Whitman hasn't been the best fit, and one family is switching to a private high school after 1 year.

That's just one data point, and I agree with others that you can't really know what your DC will be like @ 14. But I don't think you're wrong to think about this issue ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

OP here - is it really that unusual to think about high schools when your kid is still a toddler? I was under the impression that people did that all the time, when they make the "where to buy" housing decision. Strength of the local schools is a huge factor in housing prices, or you wouldn't see a big differential between nearly identical houses in Woodson area and houses in Annandale high school area.

[Anonymous]

No, of course it's not unusual to think about high schools while your child is still a toddler...it's because we are trying to give our children the best educational opportunities out there and that entails thinking ahead, WAY ahead, especially in this hypercompetitive, status-conscious NoVA world we inhabit.

Agreed re: Woodson v. Annandale pyramid...Truro and Mantua are certainly prime examples of the pricing phenomenon. Look at Willow Ponds or Canterbury Woods too...Mantua and CW are both GT centers. Best of luck.