Think I hired the wrong nanny

[Anonymous]

We made an offer to a nanny we really like based on her personality and experience, despite two things we didn’t think are ideal - first, her commute would be an hour each way with traffic, and second, she has 3 young kids of her own. While interviewing her we were completely transparent about the hours we need and the fact that we want someone reliable and dependable who will stay with us for several years since DH and I have intense jobs and no local family support. The nanny said it was no problem, she is used to commuting and the hours were fine.

When we made her the offer she kept asking about the hours to confirm what we need and asked if there is any flexibility to work a little less, which I explained there is not since DH and I need to leave for work on the earlier side (7:45/8am) and we need someone who can take our older child to school. She made a comment about how it’s a lot of hours for her with the commute but she will find a way to make it work because she needs the money (she is currently only working part time and wants more hours). I asked her twice if she is sure this really works for her and she said it’s fine, but I kind of got the vibe that she isn’t sure how she will work it out because she said she needs to figure out logistics for her own kids.

I feel like making her an offer was a mistake and that she isn’t going to be happy once she starts because of the hours and commute. My kids have been through a lot of change lately and I really don’t want them to start getting attached to someone who leaves (we recently moved to a new house and our nanny of 5 years left us, plus both of my kids are starting school for the first time).

What would you do in this situation? Tell her we changed our minds and that it won’t work out? Give her a chance and see how it goes even if it makes our lives really hard if she leaves after a few weeks? I have already asked her if she is 100% sure this is the right opportunity for her and there is no way she will say no because she wants the money.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, I think you made the wrong decision as well. Telling you it's a lot of hours for her and that she'd make it work was a red flag. She needs the money asap. I can see her eventually being late here and there then letting you know it won't work for her anymore.

When is she supposed to start? If she hasn't yet and I had the financial means, I'd personally keep looking, find a replacement and give the nanny 1-2 weeks' pay.

[Anonymous]

What is her childcare arrangement for her own kids.

[Anonymous]

This will not work. She will find a new job and quit on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is her childcare arrangement for her own kids.

Right now she works 4 days per week from 12-6 and it sounds like her mom helps outa couple days a week and then maybe they have a sitter the other two. She mentioned her aunt isn’t working right now so she was going to see if she could help a bit. I think the bigger issue for her is the mornings and getting two of her kids to school.

[Anonymous]

I think you're inviting problems with this situation. I'd reconsider.

[Anonymous]

I think you hired the wrong nanny, too. I’m sorry, OP.

I would rescind the offer.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s terrible of you to rescind an offer when she was upfront with you and has done nothing wrong to warrant it. It would be even more awful if she has quit her part time job in reliance on this offer. Plenty of people commute for work; she has indicated to you that she will work it out. Give her a chance to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s terrible of you to rescind an offer when she was upfront with you and has done nothing wrong to warrant it. It would be even more awful if she has quit her part time job in reliance on this offer. Plenty of people commute for work; she has indicated to you that she will work it out. Give her a chance to do so.

PLUS 1

[Anonymous]

I would analyze her commute to see whether from her place to yours (and vice versa), it's a reliable hour, or whether it's actually more. Some high traffic routes are more prone to accidents and therefore delays than others. For a few years, my husband has a long reverse commute that was actually quite dependable and way less stressful than sitting for less time in traffic and dealing with accidents.

If it looks like a nightmare commute, it might work for the summer while you both look for a different situation, but it won't work once school starts.

In any event, nothing stops you from hiring her for the short term if you need it. Your kids are resilient. Don't worry about that aspect.

[Anonymous]

^ of course if you decide it's just short-term, please tell her!

[Anonymous]

More importantly is she someone you can trust with your kids? that is so hard to find so I would stick with her.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here and I would never advise anyone to hire a nanny with that commute time. This is an emotionally demanding job and they will burn out quickly and start job hunting. The fact that she hasn’t started yet and is already looking for you to be flexible and adapt to her needs is a bad sign. She’s probably a fine nanny, but she needs a nanny family who has wiggle room to help her make it work. You are looking for someone who can be flexible for you to accommodate how inflexible your jobs are. It’s not a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Seems like she needs less commute and more flexible job. Maybe she will change her mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I would never advise anyone to hire a nanny with that commute time. This is an emotionally demanding job and they will burn out quickly and start job hunting. The fact that she hasn’t started yet and is already looking for you to be flexible and adapt to her needs is a bad sign. She’s probably a fine nanny, but she needs a nanny family who has wiggle room to help her make it work. You are looking for someone who can be flexible for you to accommodate how inflexible your jobs are. It’s not a good fit.

Thanks for your thought, this is OP. How would you want an employer to handle the situation in this case? I really feel awful since we think she is great as a nanny and if the circumstances were different there would be no issues.