Think I hired the wrong nanny

[Anonymous]

Three children would be more concern to me then commute. If they get sick like all kids do, whoever watches them may not want to stay with sick kids, and she would have to take time off. Unless of course their dad can watch them some of the time.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I reached out to the nanny on Friday to see if she has time to talk and she texted me back that she is on vacation until Sunday (yesterday). I texted her that I am very concerned that the hours and commute will be too much for her and she won’t be happy, so I am thinking this may not be the best opportunity for her but would like to discuss to see how she feels. She didn’t respond after that so I texted her again last night to see if she has some time to discuss today. I can tell she has read both texts, but she hasn’t responded.

I will keep trying to reach her but get the impression she may just not call me back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I reached out to the nanny on Friday to see if she has time to talk and she texted me back that she is on vacation until Sunday (yesterday). I texted her that I am very concerned that the hours and commute will be too much for her and she won’t be happy, so I am thinking this may not be the best opportunity for her but would like to discuss to see how she feels. She didn’t respond after that so I texted her again last night to see if she has some time to discuss today. I can tell she has read both texts, but she hasn’t responded.

I will keep trying to reach her but get the impression she may just not call me back.

Then that's your answer. Hope you have another suitable candidate.

[Anonymous]

It's odd that she can't find a nanny job (even a PT one since she already has another PT job) closer to home.

Is this outside of the DC area?

[Anonymous]

Can you implement a 30-day trial period?

School will be back in session and traffic will increase so both you and nanny will getter a better taste of the commute and a true sense of how logistics play out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I reached out to the nanny on Friday to see if she has time to talk and she texted me back that she is on vacation until Sunday (yesterday). I texted her that I am very concerned that the hours and commute will be too much for her and she won’t be happy, so I am thinking this may not be the best opportunity for her but would like to discuss to see how she feels. She didn’t respond after that so I texted her again last night to see if she has some time to discuss today. I can tell she has read both texts, but she hasn’t responded.

I will keep trying to reach her but get the impression she may just not call me back.

She was on vacation. You texted her with bad news while she was supposed to be enjoying her time with her children. I wouldn't text you back either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I reached out to the nanny on Friday to see if she has time to talk and she texted me back that she is on vacation until Sunday (yesterday). I texted her that I am very concerned that the hours and commute will be too much for her and she won’t be happy, so I am thinking this may not be the best opportunity for her but would like to discuss to see how she feels. She didn’t respond after that so I texted her again last night to see if she has some time to discuss today. I can tell she has read both texts, but she hasn’t responded.

I will keep trying to reach her but get the impression she may just not call me back.

She was on vacation. You texted her with bad news while she was supposed to be enjoying her time with her children. I wouldn't text you back either.

I disagree completely. The nanny was texted with potentially bad news that she could have turned around. I think the nanny non-response is a red flag.

Yes, I absolutely would have texted my potential boss back no matter where I was or with whom if I truly wanted the job. Enjoying your children also includes the ability to clothe and feed them!!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t hire someone with 3 school aged kids with a long commute. Life happens and you’re going to end up letting her bring her kids frequently or she’s going to need lots of flexibility. If you need set hours and want longevity, hire someone younger or older. She sounds like she’s going to looking for a better position from day one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t hire someone with 3 school aged kids with a long commute. Life happens and you’re going to end up letting her bring her kids frequently or she’s going to need lots of flexibility. If you need set hours and want longevity, hire someone younger or older. She sounds like she’s going to looking for a better position from day one.

The women on this thread are so awful. Can you imagine if our employers felt that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t hire someone with 3 school aged kids with a long commute. Life happens and you’re going to end up letting her bring her kids frequently or she’s going to need lots of flexibility. If you need set hours and want longevity, hire someone younger or older. She sounds like she’s going to looking for a better position from day one.

The women on this thread are so awful. Can you imagine if our employers felt that way?

Most employers do feel that way, and in most jobs if you hire someone and the pressure of being a working single parent of three is too much and they end up stressed out or flaky and show up late or call in sick constantly, then you have to replace them and that costs…money. Which is just money.

If you hire a nanny who is a bad fit and she comes in stressed and hits your kids or yells at them or mistreats them in any of a million tiny, invisible ways, it can be deeply harmful. I am a nanny for a 5yo boy. When he was 2, his prior nanny use to tell him he was bad and a boogieman would come get him if he didn’t change. He still remembers and cries about it sometimes.

If you hire the wrong nanny and she calls in sick constantly, you may have to replace her and sever the bond your child has formed with an important caregiver. That can be damaging too, especially if it happened multiple times.

The stakes are different in this job and I don’t blame parents for wanting the best possible chance of the right fit and the right person. A mother of three with an hour long commute, no support system and only sporadic childcare is not it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t hire someone with 3 school aged kids with a long commute. Life happens and you’re going to end up letting her bring her kids frequently or she’s going to need lots of flexibility. If you need set hours and want longevity, hire someone younger or older. She sounds like she’s going to looking for a better position from day one.

The women on this thread are so awful. Can you imagine if our employers felt that way?

I do feel this way as a white collar employer, who doesn't??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I reached out to the nanny on Friday to see if she has time to talk and she texted me back that she is on vacation until Sunday (yesterday). I texted her that I am very concerned that the hours and commute will be too much for her and she won’t be happy, so I am thinking this may not be the best opportunity for her but would like to discuss to see how she feels. She didn’t respond after that so I texted her again last night to see if she has some time to discuss today. I can tell she has read both texts, but she hasn’t responded.

I will keep trying to reach her but get the impression she may just not call me back.

She was on vacation. You texted her with bad news while she was supposed to be enjoying her time with her children. I wouldn't text you back either.

I disagree completely. The nanny was texted with potentially bad news that she could have turned around. I think the nanny non-response is a red flag.

Yes, I absolutely would have texted my potential boss back no matter where I was or with whom if I truly wanted the job. Enjoying your children also includes the ability to clothe and feed them!!

Yep. I text with my care families fairly regularly on the weekends if needed and wouldn't have left the text on 'read' like that, vacation or not. Extremely simple to respond back. Nanny clearly doesn't want the job enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t hire someone with 3 school aged kids with a long commute. Life happens and you’re going to end up letting her bring her kids frequently or she’s going to need lots of flexibility. If you need set hours and want longevity, hire someone younger or older. She sounds like she’s going to looking for a better position from day one.

The women on this thread are so awful. Can you imagine if our employers felt that way?

I do feel this way as a white collar employer, who doesn't??

So in your view, it's ok to discriminate against women with children...or even just those of childbearing age since at any given moment they are potentially 9 months away from having children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t hire someone with 3 school aged kids with a long commute. Life happens and you’re going to end up letting her bring her kids frequently or she’s going to need lots of flexibility. If you need set hours and want longevity, hire someone younger or older. She sounds like she’s going to looking for a better position from day one.

The women on this thread are so awful. Can you imagine if our employers felt that way?

Most employers do feel that way, and in most jobs if you hire someone and the pressure of being a working single parent of three is too much and they end up stressed out or flaky and show up late or call in sick constantly, then you have to replace them and that costs…money. Which is just money.

If you hire a nanny who is a bad fit and she comes in stressed and hits your kids or yells at them or mistreats them in any of a million tiny, invisible ways, it can be deeply harmful. I am a nanny for a 5yo boy. When he was 2, his prior nanny use to tell him he was bad and a boogieman would come get him if he didn’t change. He still remembers and cries about it sometimes.

If you hire the wrong nanny and she calls in sick constantly, you may have to replace her and sever the bond your child has formed with an important caregiver. That can be damaging too, especially if it happened multiple times.

The stakes are different in this job and I don’t blame parents for wanting the best possible chance of the right fit and the right person. A mother of three with an hour long commute, no support system and only sporadic childcare is not it.

So now she’s going to abuse the kids because she has a long commute? Oh, yeah, that’s a perfectly logical train of thought. Just admit that you think it’s fine to discriminate against women but for some reason it would be a problem if you or OP were discriminated against for the same reason. After all, OP has children, too, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t hire someone with 3 school aged kids with a long commute. Life happens and you’re going to end up letting her bring her kids frequently or she’s going to need lots of flexibility. If you need set hours and want longevity, hire someone younger or older. She sounds like she’s going to looking for a better position from day one.

The women on this thread are so awful. Can you imagine if our employers felt that way?

I do feel this way as a white collar employer, who doesn't??

So in your view, it's ok to discriminate against women with children...or even just those of childbearing age since at any given moment they are potentially 9 months away from having children?

No, it's not "okay to discriminate." But I would not want an employee with 3 school aged kids and a long commute. Even if I don't think legally I should have the right to discriminate against them.