We're staying in a hotel for IL visit!

[Anonymous]

Thanks to all PPs who have made a great case for staying in a hotel when visiting family!

For the first time in ages, I'm excited to be visiting my ILs! They really do mean well and try to be great hosts, but it has historically ended up just being super uncomfortable in lots of ways. MIL sleeps on the couch watching TV all night, which we can't hear from our very nice guest room but which also makes us feel like we can't go into the kitchen/living room area until she wakes up hours after we do. She and FIL bicker nonstop. They are getting older and understandably get tired from cooking/driving/organizing, but then get really cranky about it AND loudly and persistently refuse to accept help or do things differently. And they like to have everyone over when we're in town which ends up turning into a super loud get together that goes on until two in the morning. We've been independent adults and parents for a long time now, but there's always the feeling of them trying to turn everyone back into kids once we're there.

So now, we have our own space to retreat to when we're tired, we can still see them every day and visit them at the house, and we can take them to restaurants so they don't need to cook (at least not as much - they'll probably want to host a bit). It really feels like a return to sanity. My DH is happy too - he was astonished that there wasn't more fallout, but so far so good. I know there are those who always say that the whole point is to maximize togetherness, but in our situation that has really just caused enough needless stress that people who really do love each other haven't made the best of the time they've had.

They moved to a huge beautiful house with plenty of guest rooms a few years ago "for our visits" and we had really been more worried about offending them than taking care of our own comfort, but we finally bit the bullet and booked the hotel - it's our first post covid visit so MIL is calling it a "vacation", but we are going to be doing EVERY visit like this from now on.

I don't dare to be quite this happy about it in front of them, so I'm getting it out of my system here!

[Anonymous]

Awesome, OP! Good for you! Have a great visit.

[Anonymous]

Congrats! We recently made this leap with my ILs as well and it's so much better for all involved. And, contrary to fears, does not result in less time together overall. On the contrary, when we get together, we actually spend time together instead of just being scattered throughout their house trying to avoid each other.

I told my DH we're doing it when we visit my family as well the next time, and if my mom puts up a fight, I will tell her it's either we stay elsewhere or we don't come. It's just so much better for everyone's mental health, plus it means my DH and I get to feel like we are actually on something resembling a vacation, which makes it easier to stomach using so much of our limited vacation time visiting family. My mom is just going to have to deal -- I wish I'd stood up to her on this issue years ago.

[Anonymous]

That’s great, OP! The point is to enjoy your time together, and if staying in a hotel makes for more comfort and peace, do just that. There’s no point in cramming and feeling uncomfortable!

[Anonymous]

If there is plenty of room, I don't get why you stay in a hotel. But enjoy your visit.

[Anonymous]

Woohoo! Good for you and your husband, OP. I visited my parents in June, and hadn't seen them in three years due to Covid, and noticed that they're definitely bickering a lot more and are less functional. I'm trying to get them to downsize... which I'm sure will be a massive undertaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is plenty of room, I don't get why you stay in a hotel. But enjoy your visit.

It’s explained in OP’s post…

[Anonymous]

I am so deeply, deeply jealous. My husband and his family have an absolutely terrible time on every one of our visits to the west coast - his parents can’t handle children, it’s the west coast and his parents sleep in until 11 and my kids wake at around 5ish for the first few days, they have all kinds of insane rules about their home yet it’s incredibly dirty and messy, in a way ours never ever is, our kids aren’t used to the kind of social neighborhood that is near my in laws and struggle with all the kids in the street time and rules, my in laws can’t watch the kids at all, nobody gets along, far too much screen time, really it’s the worst - annnnnnd we just have to do it all again. Like it’s not absolute hell. I’d love to not go, but that’s not fair to my kids. I’d give anything for this hotel scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is plenty of room, I don't get why you stay in a hotel. But enjoy your visit.

I knew the martyr would show up quickly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is plenty of room, I don't get why you stay in a hotel. But enjoy your visit.

Maybe try reading the post again, for comprehension this time.

[Anonymous]

Congrats on making the decision. We started staying at a hotel a few years ago. My parents were really upset but DH and I love it for ALL of the great reasons that you mentioned above. Enjoy your “vacation.”🤪

[Anonymous]

Guests owe their hosts their best selves. Too much togetherness sabotages this ~

and vice versa

[Anonymous]

Yay! At some point people get too I'll or cranky to be able to host line in guests. This is a better way!

[Anonymous]

[b]

Anonymous wrote:If there is plenty of room, I don't get why you stay in a hotel. But enjoy your visit.

And I don’t get why you don’t read.

[Anonymous]

**checking hotel listings near parents**