Help me tell my sister to stop giving us her leftovers

[Anonymous]

My sister and I aren't close, but we're friendly. I don't like or want confrontation, but I need to text her and tell her to stop (or maybe wait and hope this is over??)

My sister is moving out of her house. Over the last month, she gave my (11 year old) son an old wooden train track set with those wooden train cars. She left them on our front door and texted that she knew [my son] loved to play with them and wanted to "gift" them to him. He outgrew those several years ago and we got rid of our own set several years ago. My son is a hoarder and when he saw the text and the trains, brought them in and played with them. Got bored really quickly, but refuses to give them away because his aunt gave them to him as a gift.

A week later, my son has all these dog toys that are ratty and old. He said my sister gave them to him to play with our dog. Our dog doesn't play with these kinds of toys - never have.

Last week, my sister dropped off a huge bucket of legos. Again, texting him that she left him a gift at our house because she knew he loved playing with legos.


I want to text her and say,

Sis, thank you for thinking of us, but please don't drop off any more things from your house. We don't need the extra stuff.

Is that too harsh?

[Anonymous]

Just donate it and take the tax write-off.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is too harsh, but I would also ask her not to give your son gifts without checking with you first. That is a very normal request for any parent to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just donate it and take the tax write-off.

This is an answer since you hate confrontation, but if the items are to be donated then your Sister should be the one doing it. It's your time and effort. Also, wondering what type of write off you would get for old ratty dog toys and a bucket full of Legos. Also you have the issue of your son wanting to keep everything.

[Anonymous]

If this is a recent thing attached to her move, then it may end once she’s done moving so it may end on its own.

[Anonymous]

Love you! No more dropping stuff at our house! I'm in the middle of purging too. Xx

[Anonymous]

Change your son’s phone number. Don’t tell her.

[Anonymous]

Voice of dissent here. Your sister is moving, which is super stressful. Be kind and accept the stuff. Deal with your son’s hoarding by telling him “you can keep as much as will fit in (designated area). Everything else we will donate.” Your sister isn’t creating your son’s problem, but she is providing an opportunity for you to address it directly.

You can get a pickup from your front door, so donating isn’t much of a burden.

Err on the side of kindness!

[Anonymous]

Leave a box outside for her to fill up and then leave it out with the trash.

[Anonymous]

If your son has hoarding tendencies, I would address those pronto. My son is the same, because my husband is a borderline hoarder, and I have always done my best to train him not to accept random stuff, and help him sort and give stuff away or recycle it. For him the hurdle is sorting - he has ADHD and it really messes with his capacity to organize.

You should tell your sister that you're dealing with these issues, and tell her not to make matters worse. No donations to your house.

[Anonymous]

Call her and be upfront; tell her you would be more than happy to come over to help her or come over to pick up and go through anything she thinks he might like and bring it home to him.

It may be she doesn't know he has hoarder tendencies or she doesn't see that as a problem or that she thinks he doesn't have enough stuff. If you go over and pick up everything she puts aside for him, you can go through it first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to text her and say,

Sis, thank you for thinking of us, but please don't drop off any more things from your house. We don't need the extra stuff.

Is that too harsh?

Or maybe "please check in with me before you offer things to Larlo. We are working on cleaning out his room this summer."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love you! No more dropping stuff at our house! I'm in the middle of purging too. Xx

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Voice of dissent here. Your sister is moving, which is super stressful. Be kind and accept the stuff. Deal with your son’s hoarding by telling him “you can keep as much as will fit in (designated area). Everything else we will donate.” Your sister isn’t creating your son’s problem, but she is providing an opportunity for you to address it directly.

You can get a pickup from your front door, so donating isn’t much of a burden.

Err on the side of kindness!

Sister doesn't get to dump stuff on someone else because she's stressed.

Op, text her and tell her no more drop offs. Tell your son if anything else is dropped off it won't be coming in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to text her and say,

Sis, thank you for thinking of us, but please don't drop off any more things from your house. We don't need the extra stuff.

Is that too harsh?

No, it’s not too harsh. It’s clear. And clear is kind. Send it now.