Teen wants to cook, but...

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old DD likes to cook and likes to try some complicated recipes. I am a million percent in favor of her doing this, BUT she blows up the entire kitchen and then sort of peters out on cleaning up, so I'm hectoring her to clean up or finishing up that task for her. To boot, there is also sometimes collateral damage that in both of her last attempts has had me fishing non-food items out of the disposal. Once was a bunch of pieces of glass (as fun as it sounds, I promise!) and tonight a kitchen item that will have to be replaced.

She is a really good kid and I love her and want her to pursue this interest. Telling her she can't cook seems like cutting off my nose to spite my face, but pulling things out of the disposal and being angry is also not great. I feel so bad.

What has worked in letting your teens do something that you know isn't going to be the way you do it, but also keeping the peace.

[Anonymous]

Teach her tools to clean as you go. It’s - in my opinion - the only way to cook, and you’d be giving her an important skill she’ll value when it’s her kitchen.

[Anonymous]

I totally feel this. My kids are 14 and 19 and in my head I hate whenever they head into the kitchen to make something because I know what it disaster they will leave behind. Sometimes I’m supportive, sometimes I’m cranky about it. But I will tell you that my older kid somewhere along the way was able to start picking up line cook jobs and doing really well at them (we were shocked! Apparently she’s not a disaster everywhere!). Just today we visited the food truck that she’s working at making about 15 different menu items and one of the only staff allowed to run the grill, open and close the place etc. So if you can tolerate the mess they have to generate to get there I say let them experiment and learn their way around the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

The broken stuff I’d deal with. She’s learning, it’s hard, she should help you solve the problem, but mistakes are to be expected.

Petering out on clean up? That’s a hard no from me. Remind her up front the kitchen needs to be clean when she’s done, and establish consequences if it’s not done.

[Anonymous]

Get a sink strainer to make sure things don't go into the disposal unnoticed. Teach her to clean as you go - basin of hot soapy water that bowls and utensils go into after a particular stage, periodic pause to wipe up the counters and wash everything in the basin.

[Anonymous]

I agree about teaching her but you need a meaningful consequence for not cleaning up by X time so you don’t have to do the hounding/anger thing. Maybe turn off the wifi/data for 24 hours? I would rather have a consequence I can impose cleanly, and then clean up myself, than have to hound/nag.

[Anonymous]

As others have said, I would teach her to clean as she goes, but I would help her with the clean up (not do it for her) but help her so it doesn't feel so overwhelming. Even season adult cooks get discouraged with the kitchen clean up after a nice meal.
It's great that she wants to cook, so you want to keep her motivated.

[Anonymous]

Teach her to clean as she goes. Explicit in this is reading the whole recipe and understanding it and doing as much prep as she can in advance using the same tools, cleaning completely from the prep, then doing the cooking. When she's better, she can learn how to time the prep so if something is simmering for 10 min, she can chop the cilantro garnish, but that comes with time.

[Anonymous]

I have a daughter just like this! She’s 16 now and much, much better about cleaning up (snd is a wonderful cook.) it was a pain, though!

[Anonymous]

No cleaning up after = no cooking next time
that's what I've had to tell my DD

and if she forgets, I call her back into the room to clean it up

[Anonymous]

Cook with her and help her clean.

The cook is not supposed to clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cook with her and help her clean.

The cook is not supposed to clean.

Uh no. You’re not getting what’s happening. In reality adult cooks clean up as they go so there aren’t dirty cutting boards and counter spills all over the kitchen. This saying applies to AFTER meal clean-up. This means the cook doesn’t clean up the plates and store leftovers. Everyone cleans up as they go and yes, it’s a learned skill. That means the teens need to practice and actually learn how to cook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14 year old DD likes to cook and likes to try some complicated recipes. I am a million percent in favor of her doing this, BUT she blows up the entire kitchen and then sort of peters out on cleaning up, so I'm hectoring her to clean up or finishing up that task for her. To boot, there is also sometimes collateral damage that in both of her last attempts has had me fishing non-food items out of the disposal. Once was a bunch of pieces of glass (as fun as it sounds, I promise!) and tonight a kitchen item that will have to be replaced.

She is a really good kid and I love her and want her to pursue this interest. Telling her she can't cook seems like cutting off my nose to spite my face, but pulling things out of the disposal and being angry is also not great. I feel so bad.

What has worked in letting your teens do something that you know isn't going to be the way you do it, but also keeping the peace.

Tell the kid she can't use your kitchen if she can't clean up after herself. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cook with her and help her clean.

The cook is not supposed to clean.

Uh no. You’re not getting what’s happening. In reality adult cooks clean up as they go so there aren’t dirty cutting boards and counter spills all over the kitchen. This saying applies to AFTER meal clean-up. This means the cook doesn’t clean up the plates and store leftovers. Everyone cleans up as they go and yes, it’s a learned skill. That means the teens need to practice and actually learn how to cook.

Nope. Cooks don’t need to clean. Everybody that consumes cleans. It’s not a secret the cook is cooking, swing in early and do some so it’s not a lot at the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The broken stuff I’d deal with. She’s learning, it’s hard, she should help you solve the problem, but mistakes are to be expected.

Petering out on clean up? That’s a hard no from me. Remind her up front the kitchen needs to be clean when she’s done, and establish consequences if it’s not done.

+1 and also, +1 to PPs saying teach her to clean as she goes. That comes down to reading the recipe, planning and using your time wisely.