Is it odd or normal to bring along friends when visiting?

[Anonymous]

I have a family member who when visiting, often brings along friends - sometimes just a couple friends, sometimes an entire family, etc. I'm always a little put off by the imposition even though I never show it - I would like to be welcoming and easy-going and "the more the merrier". But I guess I also have always just thought it kind of odd.

But now, I'm thinking.... IS IT ACTUALLY ODD? I realize my perspective might be screwed up. Growing up, I was a latchkey child and I wasn't really allowed to have friends over or to go over to see friends, and I never knew how unusual that was until I was an adult. I had friends over about maybe once a year and only when I was 17/18. And my family member always had a friend over, or was always at a friend's house - like every single day.

Also we have opposite personalities - my family member is very extroverted, a people person, and I am more on the introverted side.

So is the habit of bringing along friends when visiting normal or strange?

[Anonymous]

Very ode

[Anonymous]

Odd

[Anonymous]

Dropping by for a visit in the afternoon type visit I could roll with. If meals or staying the night is involved then noooooo.

[Anonymous]

Clearly they crave company all the time and don't do well unless they're surrounded. It would be nice if they warned you ahead of time to expect X number of people, but it's not "odd" once you understand they can't help themselves in this regard. What's not appropriate is to show up for an actual meal with unplanned guests, like a PP said. Then you need to tell them not to do this again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dropping by for a visit in the afternoon type visit I could roll with. If meals or staying the night is involved then noooooo.

Usually these visits are very last minute, so not always a meal but sometimes yes, a meal. And no, no overnights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly they crave company all the time and don't do well unless they're surrounded. It would be nice if they warned you ahead of time to expect X number of people, but it's not "odd" once you understand they can't help themselves in this regard. What's not appropriate is to show up for an actual meal with unplanned guests, like a PP said. Then you need to tell them not to do this again.

They always ask me in advance if it's ok to bring them along for the visit, usually the day before or the morning of.

[Anonymous]

Entirely person dependent. I have some older relatives who often travel with friends so they don't have to travel alone, and I totally get it. I have also known people who's friends became like family over time. In fact, I know my closest friends' family quite well and when they are in town visiting, we will almost always go out to eat with them or even invite them to our house because we like to see them. We have known them for years. I could imagine also visiting one another's families together as well, though we've never done it. It would be fun to see them in their hometowns. We probably wouldn't stay with them unless they invited us specifically and we knew there would be lots of room.

But the key in all of these situations is that the friend are never an imposition. Either it's very clear why the friends are coming along (and it's just one person), or everyone already knows each other and there's no awkwardness. I think this more questionable when someone is bringing around lots of people, they don't think about whether it's going to impose on their hosts, and people don't know each other. That seems really presumptuous to me.

[Anonymous]

Well, stop being surprised by this known factor!

“Aunt Tilde, we’d love to see you next Saturday for dinner…oh, great! Glad you can make it. Will you bringing a friend?”

Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, stop being surprised by this known factor!

“Aunt Tilde, we’d love to see you next Saturday for dinner…oh, great! Glad you can make it. Will you bringing a friend?”

Problem solved.

No, it's never a surprise. They always do take the step to ask if it's ok if they bring their friends first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Entirely person dependent. I have some older relatives who often travel with friends so they don't have to travel alone, and I totally get it. I have also known people who's friends became like family over time. In fact, I know my closest friends' family quite well and when they are in town visiting, we will almost always go out to eat with them or even invite them to our house because we like to see them. We have known them for years. I could imagine also visiting one another's families together as well, though we've never done it. It would be fun to see them in their hometowns. We probably wouldn't stay with them unless they invited us specifically and we knew there would be lots of room.

But the key in all of these situations is that the friend are never an imposition. Either it's very clear why the friends are coming along (and it's just one person), or everyone already knows each other and there's no awkwardness. I think this more questionable when someone is bringing around lots of people, they don't think about whether it's going to impose on their hosts, and people don't know each other. That seems really presumptuous to me.

Right, I don't think it would feel like an imposition if I knew the friends well. But they are always different people, and more often than not, I DON'T know them well at all. At most I may have met them once or twice at their wedding or at some function.

[Anonymous]

I have one friend and one SIL who are like this. They are both very extroverted and constantly go go go. They can’t say no to anyone and invite everyone everywhere.

We joke that if we are making restaurant reservations with my SIL that we just add two to the total “just in case”.


It’s weird to me, but I’m an introvert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, stop being surprised by this known factor!

“Aunt Tilde, we’d love to see you next Saturday for dinner…oh, great! Glad you can make it. Will you bringing a friend?”

Problem solved.

No, it's never a surprise. They always do take the step to ask if it's ok if they bring their friends first!

Then what on Earth is the issue? If you don’t want extra guests, open your mouth and say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, stop being surprised by this known factor!

“Aunt Tilde, we’d love to see you next Saturday for dinner…oh, great! Glad you can make it. Will you bringing a friend?”

Problem solved.

No, it's never a surprise. They always do take the step to ask if it's ok if they bring their friends first!

Then what on Earth is the issue? If you don’t want extra guests, open your mouth and say no.

It's not an issue. Just wondering if people would consider it odd, but obviously your answer is no, it's normal. We live in different states and are a couple hours apart so it's not like a local visit either.

[Anonymous]

Odd.

Odd to do to you. Odd for the friend.

I’d be curious what they are saying to the friend. Want to go? Pls go? I don’t even get how it comes up unless he’s visiting from far away and trying to see tons of old friends all in the same week and has to double up.