how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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07/15/2021 12:22

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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Anonymous

Our nanny has increasingly needed schedule adjustments lately and it's starting to be a strain on my husbands and my careers. Some of her asks are totally legit - death in extended family etc - and some much more optional (her sister is a hair stylist and will do her color for free but only if she comes at a certain time, she wants to beat traffic for a weekend get away). I think she also may be starting fertility treatments as she's needed to come late several mornings for blood work.

All of this results in some sort of schedule adjustment needed about every other week or so. She's a great nanny overall so I want to keep her but I'm tired of double paying her for her guaranteed hours plus finding back-up care when needed or having to work late into the evening myself bc I had to stop work early that day to take over for her.

Is it fair to say that of course we can accommodate medical stuff and important events like weddings but given the volume we can't accommodate more optional things like hair appointments and beating traffic? She has a set number of PTO days which she uses for full days off and we've ignored the random hours off too....how do I now have the conversation to reset the expectation that those won't be paid (she doesn't make up the hours elsewhere....if we do a rare datenight or something she expects to be paid extra that week)?

I've always just given it to her but the recent increase in volume in asks is unsustainable without getting more stable backup care in place which is costly. I definitely don't want to fire her and I want to be a reasonable employer but my husband and I both have professions that don't give us a lot of flexibility to just skip meetings etc during standard work hours. I feel like all of our flexibility is going to meet her needs and absolutely none of it goes to meeting our own.

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07/15/2021 14:48

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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Anonymous

Have an honest sit down with her and let her know your concerns. This is not fair of her to expect you to alter your schedule so much to accommodate such silly things. It’s highly unprofessional as well. I would never in a million years ask my employers for time off for a hair appointment or to beat traffic. At this point, she is taking advantage of your generosity.

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07/15/2021 14:52

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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Anonymous

I would figure out what you can accommodate (say 1 request every 4-6 weeks, barring emergencies) and then stick to that. And tell her those requests for time off should be taken as unpaid leave, unless she wants to use her PTO. If it is affecting your work, then you need to address it. If it wasn't affecting your work, I'd say be more flexible, but this is the situation.

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07/15/2021 14:54

Subject: Re:how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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Anonymous

I would let her know that the first few times she needed time off, you didn't charge PTO because they were emergencies and you didn't expect the requests so frequently, but that since they have been so regular, you need to start charging PTO, leave without pay or if you want, suggest she make up the hours for a date night or something. IF you're guaranteeing 40 hours per week, she shouldn't get that if she's requesting the time off.

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07/15/2021 16:07

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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Anonymous

You give her a "free" day off if she's going to a wedding? I can't imagine...

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07/15/2021 17:07

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:You give her a "free" day off if she's going to a wedding? I can't imagine...

We just never really tracked it pre-pandemic (we only had her for 6 before it) and during it was such a wild time that we agreed to whatever because we were just thankful to have someone coming. So the precedent was never set that we would ever not pay her our set rate per week and now almost 2 years in it feels like we need to set a new norm around it but its also awkward.

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07/15/2021 18:05

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give her a "free" day off if she's going to a wedding? I can't imagine...

We just never really tracked it pre-pandemic (we only had her for 6 before it) and during it was such a wild time that we agreed to whatever because we were just thankful to have someone coming. So the precedent was never set that we would ever not pay her our set rate per week and now almost 2 years in it feels like we need to set a new norm around it but its also awkward.

Ok, but if she is starting fertility treatments like you think, she might not be coming much longer.

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07/15/2021 19:30

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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Anonymous

Accomodate medical appointments with advance notice.

Hair appointments and beating the traffic - nope.

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07/15/2021 19:43

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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Anonymous

Nanny: Would it be okay if I could leave at 3:30pm on Friday?
You: What’s going on?
Nanny: Well, my sister’s boss let her have the beach house for the weekend, and it would be great to get out of town early.
You: Yeah, that sounds like a great opportunity. Unfortunately I’m going to have to say no. Bob and I have to be at the office until our usual time.

I don’t think you need to have a conversation. You just need to respond in the moment and be okay with saying no.

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07/15/2021 21:15

Subject: Re:how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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Anonymous

Our nanny has never once asked to change her schedule although we have periodically asked he if she could stay late at times. She never even took a sick day until after her second covid shot. If she has a doctors appointment we know months in advance and it’s on our calendars.

You need to stop this nonsense now, OP.

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07/19/2021 11:38

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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Anonymous

This is crazy.

Our nanny has been with us 4 years and maybe asked for a slight schedule adjustment 3 times or so total. Her job expectations should be no different than yours.

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07/19/2021 11:50

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Nanny: Would it be okay if I could leave at 3:30pm on Friday?
You: What’s going on?
Nanny: Well, my sister’s boss let her have the beach house for the weekend, and it would be great to get out of town early.
You: Yeah, that sounds like a great opportunity. Unfortunately I’m going to have to say no. Bob and I have to be at the office until our usual time.

I don’t think you need to have a conversation. You just need to respond in the moment and be okay with saying no.

I don't ask the reason why. Whether or not I can get home earlier has nothing to do with what the nanny wants to go do.

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07/19/2021 11:55

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

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Anonymous

Every other week is way too often. We are very lax with our nanny on this stuff (she has been with us for nearly 3 years) - we don't really monitor the times she needs to duck out early for a dentist's appointment or leave a few hours early because she is heading out of town....within reason. That's the key. It doesn't happen all that often, and she always gives us lots of advance notice when possible. As a result, we don't feel taken advantage of. It sounds like you do, so unfortunately you'll have to push back and re-set expectations.

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07/19/2021 17:18

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny: Would it be okay if I could leave at 3:30pm on Friday?
You: What’s going on?
Nanny: Well, my sister’s boss let her have the beach house for the weekend, and it would be great to get out of town early.
You: Yeah, that sounds like a great opportunity. Unfortunately I’m going to have to say no. Bob and I have to be at the office until our usual time.

I don’t think you need to have a conversation. You just need to respond in the moment and be okay with saying no.

I don't ask the reason why. Whether or not I can get home earlier has nothing to do with what the nanny wants to go do.

No, the “why” matters. If our nanny asked to leave early to go to a funeral, for example, we would make the time. It does matter.

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07/19/2021 17:26

Subject: how often does your nanny ask for changes to schedule and how do you handle convo around pay

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny: Would it be okay if I could leave at 3:30pm on Friday?
You: What’s going on?
Nanny: Well, my sister’s boss let her have the beach house for the weekend, and it would be great to get out of town early.
You: Yeah, that sounds like a great opportunity. Unfortunately I’m going to have to say no. Bob and I have to be at the office until our usual time.

I don’t think you need to have a conversation. You just need to respond in the moment and be okay with saying no.

I don't ask the reason why. Whether or not I can get home earlier has nothing to do with what the nanny wants to go do.

No, the “why” matters. If our nanny asked to leave early to go to a funeral, for example, we would make the time. It does matter.

The reason does matter. Our first nanny of 7 years was super reliable and when she asked for schedule changes, it was pretty rare and always for medical reasons or to take care of her family when something really bad happened. Our current nanny (we moved and had to give up first nanny unfortunately) asks for time off for medical reasons which is fine but also asks for time off to much less valid excuses like wanting to be home to receive a package or because she's sad about something she saw on the news in her own country. We've been saying yes to almost everything since we've been working from home due to COVID, but if I had a less flexible job, I would just say I can't accomodate.