Tell me about having a live in nanny

[Anonymous]

We are considering a live in nanny because DH and I need to leave for work early most days and think it could be easier. We were hesitant at first because we don’t love the idea of having someone in our space 24/7 during the week but I would love to know about others’ experience.

What does your nanny do when they are off - stay in their room or hang out in the main house? Do they cook their own meals or do you cook for them? Do they eat with you? Do they go out with friends after hours and come back late?

From what I gather from my two friends with live ins, it seems very personality dependent. One friend, whose nanny is very quiet and reserved by nature, disappears into her room at 6:30pm when she gets off and doesn’t emerge until she starts working the next morning. Another friend who has a pretty lively nanny said the nanny asked to eat with them but cooks her own elaborate meals and isn’t always so great at cleaning up after herself, and often wants to hang out and chat when the kids are in bed (she finds it to be too much but her kids love the nanny).

[Anonymous]

Your nanny isn’t a prisoner. While she’s off duty you’re going to have to expect her to be in your home. You don’t sounds like a good candidate for a live in nanny.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny lives in our converted garage apartment. She “goes home” twenty feet away but keeps her regular nanny hours and has her own kitchen. She also goes to her daughter’s every weekend otherwise my kids would want to see her and she’s too sweet to say no to them.

I couldn’t have it any other way. It works for her and it works for us.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the family.

With some, I'm careful to be out of the common areas after work. With others, I'm welcome anytime.

If you want the nanny to disappear, look for that desire and make sure that she has a bedroom, kitchenette, bathroom and living room area (which may be in her bedroom or be a separate tv area).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny lives in our converted garage apartment. She “goes home” twenty feet away but keeps her regular nanny hours and has her own kitchen. She also goes to her daughter’s every weekend otherwise my kids would want to see her and she’s too sweet to say no to them.

I couldn’t have it any other way. It works for her and it works for us.

You should have taught your children that the nanny's living quarters are off limits to them at all times. She is not paid to take care of them if off hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the family.

With some, I'm careful to be out of the common areas after work. With others, I'm welcome anytime.

If you want the nanny to disappear, look for that desire and make sure that she has a bedroom, kitchenette, bathroom and living room area (which may be in her bedroom or be a separate tv area).

If her living quarters are in basement make sure it has plenty of ight so she doesn't feel that she is living in a dungeon.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this is a good idea unless you have a full apartment and not a basement. Maybe if the basement is super nice and a walk out.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a live-in nanny in NYC. They had a little room off the kitchen that they lived in during the week, and then went home on weekends, unless they were from another country in which case they did their own thing on weekends based out of that room.

What does your nanny do when they are off - stay in their room or hang out in the main house? none of them hung out with us, but my mother was the type to refer to nannies and housekeepers as "the help" and would never have let them hang out with her. I am pretty sure they only time they sat in the living room was for their interviews.
Do they cook their own meals or do you cook for them? They make/buy/bring their own food. They clean up after themselves. I think our housekeeper would make a plate in the kitchen for the nanny, and then we'd eat in the dining room.
Do they eat with you? Never.
Do they go out with friends after hours and come back late? Probably. It was a non-issue. As long as they were available for their hours who cares what they do out of the home on their time off?

**I am now married with kids and we have a nanny and specifically wanted someone live-out.

[Anonymous]

We had one. It only works well in a large house where they have their own space. I gave up after 3 months.
Now we have live out

[Anonymous]

We had live in nannies for twelve years in two houses. Both had a separate apartment complete with private bath and kitchen. Our first house had a private entrance but the second one did not. We are very laid back about sharing our space with others, so if our nanny wanted to chat or hand out she could, but this set up gave everyone as much privacy as they needed. When our kids were young, it was amazing to be able to leave for work and let them have a more relaxed morning. Live ins aren’t for every family, but for ours they were the perfect solution. We are still in contact with all of our former employees, too — they left on good terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny lives in our converted garage apartment. She “goes home” twenty feet away but keeps her regular nanny hours and has her own kitchen. She also goes to her daughter’s every weekend otherwise my kids would want to see her and she’s too sweet to say no to them.

I couldn’t have it any other way. It works for her and it works for us.

You should have taught your children that the nanny's living quarters are off limits to them at all times. She is not paid to take care of them if off hours.

And what if the nanny tells them “you’re always welcome” and “you can come over anytime you like”? Do I teach my kids that nanny is a liar?

[Anonymous]

Totally depends on your personality and theirs. Can be great in terms of ensuring reliability (no commute), bonding with the family, etc. Could be great.for the nanny to enjoy a home or neighborhood she otherwise couldn't afford, etc. Could be a nightmare if your personalities don't line up. We have a live in right now and I hate it. She is always there, always wanting to chat. Always making a mess. Can't wait for our contract to be up!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny lives in our converted garage apartment. She “goes home” twenty feet away but keeps her regular nanny hours and has her own kitchen. She also goes to her daughter’s every weekend otherwise my kids would want to see her and she’s too sweet to say no to them.

I couldn’t have it any other way. It works for her and it works for us.

You should have taught your children that the nanny's living quarters are off limits to them at all times. She is not paid to take care of them if off hours.

And what if the nanny tells them “you’re always welcome” and “you can come over anytime you like”? Do I teach my kids that nanny is a liar?

You tell nanny when hired that children are not allowed to visit her in her quarters ever and they are never to call on her on her in off hours. You are the mother and have
Full responsibility for taking care of your children when nanny is off duty. She probably goes away on weekends so she can get away from you and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny lives in our converted garage apartment. She “goes home” twenty feet away but keeps her regular nanny hours and has her own kitchen. She also goes to her daughter’s every weekend otherwise my kids would want to see her and she’s too sweet to say no to them.

I couldn’t have it any other way. It works for her and it works for us.

You should have taught your children that the nanny's living quarters are off limits to them at all times. She is not paid to take care of them if off hours.

And what if the nanny tells them “you’re always welcome” and “you can come over anytime you like”? Do I teach my kids that nanny is a liar?

You tell nanny when hired that children are not allowed to visit her in her quarters ever and they are never to call on her on her in off hours. You are the mother and have
Full responsibility for taking care of your children when nanny is off duty. She probably goes away on weekends so she can get away from you and your kids.

Wrong again. And our nanny is actually an intelligent adult who can speak for herself. If she tells the kids they can visit her anytime, I know she means it.

Stop embarrassing yourself by pretending you know something you don’t.

[Anonymous]

It's totally personality dependent on you guys too. My husband gets irritated easily so live in is hard for us unless the person is overly considerate, ie treats the home like their own. For instance, the toilet paper holder was loose off the wall and or really peaved him she lived like that and didn't say anything, in his mind she wouldn't say anything until it fell off the wall. So anywho, we will be back to live out/day care as soon as covid is over. Too stressful.