Chatting online nearly every day for 8 weeks

[Anonymous]

That’s not normal right? We’ve never met. It’s just a “friendship”. But we’ve “talked” everyday for the past 8 weeks. Neither of us is emotionally available and are 45+ miles apart.

[Anonymous]

How do you know this person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know this person?

Facebook groups - not in person at all.

[Anonymous]

Basically just a pen pal. I wouldn’t think too much of it.

[Anonymous]

What are you looking for out of this?

[Anonymous]

Is it text or phone or video chats? If you aren’t emotionally available, does that mean one or both of you are in a relationship? If so, how would your SO feel if they found out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it text or phone or video chats? If you aren’t emotionally available, does that mean one or both of you are in a relationship? If so, how would your SO feel if they found out?

All text. I’ve never heard his voice. I’ve sent him a video where I’m speaking but otherwise it’s all text and pictures (completely clean - nothing scandalous). I’m in the process of leaving my spouse who probably wouldn’t care if he found out - there’s no love lost between us. Online friend is not in the head space for a relationship (neither am I). But we do occasionally send each other more “what could have been” messages - usually after we’ve been drinking and it’s getting late at night.

But we do text ALL the time. Literally from morning to night. Probably not normal, right?

[Anonymous]

What matters more than if it’s “normal“ is whether it’s healthy. It sounds like you’re attaching expectations to this interaction but are unclear what they are. My concern would also be that there’s an absence of transparency regarding who this person is and no way for you to verify that. I would be careful for lots of reasons and it sounds like your radar is pinging. I’d listen to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What matters more than if it’s “normal“ is whether it’s healthy. It sounds like you’re attaching expectations to this interaction but are unclear what they are. My concern would also be that there’s an absence of transparency regarding who this person is and no way for you to verify that. I would be careful for lots of reasons and it sounds like your radar is pinging. I’d listen to it.

Yes, good point. I don’t know what my expectations are other than friendship. I did however have the thought that maybe I’m not the only person he’s “talking” to. Which in and of itself is fine but the transparency isn’t there so it’s making me feel a certain way this morning.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you’re both helping each other get through a transitional time. Enjoy it for what it is — a NSA Platonic text fest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’re both helping each other get through a transitional time. Enjoy it for what it is — a NSA Platonic text fest.

until it turns into Suck Fest ‘21

[Anonymous]

You indicated that you are married, at a vulnerable stage in your marriage, and are exchanging wistful messages with this other guy. You are under the impression he’s only 45 miles away from you, but you’ve never seen him or confirmed. In any event, dollars to donuts he will be in some kind of bind and you will offer to help. That’s called a “test.” Then the requests will become greater until you are paying his “rent” because he claims he’s facing eviction (not even a thing nowadays with covid), wiring him $ to help with his dream business or letting him move in “just for a few days.” Buyer beware.

[Anonymous]

Conditioning trick. Run away fast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it text or phone or video chats? If you aren’t emotionally available, does that mean one or both of you are in a relationship? If so, how would your SO feel if they found out?

All text. I’ve never heard his voice. I’ve sent him a video where I’m speaking but otherwise it’s all text and pictures (completely clean - nothing scandalous). I’m in the process of leaving my spouse who probably wouldn’t care if he found out - there’s no love lost between us. Online friend is not in the head space for a relationship (neither am I). But we do occasionally send each other more “what could have been” messages - usually after we’ve been drinking and it’s getting late at night.

But we do text ALL the time. Literally from morning to night. Probably not normal, right?

You’ve never heard his voice. That’s a huge red flag. Why did you send him a video of you speaking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it text or phone or video chats? If you aren’t emotionally available, does that mean one or both of you are in a relationship? If so, how would your SO feel if they found out?

All text. I’ve never heard his voice. I’ve sent him a video where I’m speaking but otherwise it’s all text and pictures (completely clean - nothing scandalous). I’m in the process of leaving my spouse who probably wouldn’t care if he found out - there’s no love lost between us. Online friend is not in the head space for a relationship (neither am I). But we do occasionally send each other more “what could have been” messages - usually after we’ve been drinking and it’s getting late at night.

But we do text ALL the time. Literally from morning to night. Probably not normal, right?

You’ve never heard his voice. That’s a huge red flag. Why did you send him a video of you speaking?

Yes - I was going to say this as well. Sounds like catfishing if you have sent video, and they have not.