Nothing left to give since having a baby
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Anonymous
| Had my first DC 6 months ago. I LOVE her to the moon and back. She’s my joy and I am happy to see her everyday. No PPD or PPA. But I am also tired (even though we have help with chores, I do most of the baby care and baby still wakes up twice to eat at night post sleep training). And at the end of the day once baby goes to bed, I just don’t want to interact with anyone anymore. I have no patience with DH- I used to be a very supportive spouse, would listen to him when he needed emotional support and needed to vent about something- now I’m counting the seconds till he is done talking so I can decompress in silence with a book or tv. I also used to do little nice things for him like back rubs and I just don’t have it in me anymore. DH hasn’t said anything but I know I’m not treating him like I used to. Is this normal? Will it pass? Or is this the new normal? |
Anonymous
| The first year is hard. It does get a bit easier once everyone gets more sleep. By 6 months, your baby shouldn't need to be fed at night. Work on dropping the night feed. |
Anonymous
|
This is sort of the new normal for few years.
Baby should not be waking at night anymore though. Make sure to give baby a nice dinner before bed. I loved the Baby Bullet for making and freezing my own creations, like pasta with beef and cheese, or fresh cooked veggies. Also liked Giant baby food - maybe it's called Beechnut. |
Anonymous
| Normal. You just made a person and kept it alive with your own body for over a year, if you count nursing. That’s a huge energy outflow and you need to learn how to replenish yourself in new ways. Don’t feel like you always need to give. |
Anonymous
|
1) your baby is six months old. Wean those nights feeds (keep a dreamfeed). You need sleep.
2) why on earth are you doing most of the baby care, then worrying about not giving your husband enough attentio? Assuming you are working he needs to be doing half. HALF. Just look at all the posts on this site about useless husbands - nip this in the bud now. |
Anonymous
|
Everyone in the family is allowed to have needs - including you.
Read about the Gottman Stress Reducing Conversation. It’s important for people to get emotional support from their spouse, but it’s also important to set boundaries around those so everyone can be their best self. Set a time after you’ve had a chance to unwind, keep the conversation to 20 minutes, and you also get a chance to talk. How is your H supporting you? Family really shouldn’t be about the wife and mom giving to everyone nonstop. You’re not an infinite resource, you’re a human being. |
Anonymous
| Yes, this will pass and is normal for this stage with a new baby. |
Anonymous
| He’ll live. They always need a lot of attention and will take as much as you can give. He can adjust to the new normal. |
Anonymous
This advice will lead the spouse to either cheat or ask for a divorce. |
Anonymous
| You’re touched out by the end of the day. Totally normal with a baby and small kids who literally touch you on and off all day long. |
Anonymous
What do you recommend, then? Because women can’t just give, and give, and give to make everyone else feel special. It’s just not humanly possible. At some point, husbands either need to adjust their own expectations, or do their fair share so that women have the bandwidth to give them attention. |
Anonymous
+1. The baby should be able to sleep through the night by this point. Ours slept 8PM-7AM. Maybe check with your pediatrician to see why your baby might not be sleeping through the night and still needs night feedings. They might suggest more food during the day instead? Best of luck. Promise you, it does get better, but you’re exhausted right now. Another suggestion, are you part of any New Mom groups? If not, I would try to join one. Makes a big difference knowing you’re not alone with all these issues! |
Anonymous
For another point of reference OP, my EBF babies reached that point, but not at 6 months. One SSTN at 7 mo, one at 8. |
Anonymous
| You say you don't have PPD or PPA but...are you sure? It can manifest exactly as you're describing. Regardless, whether it's PPD/PPA or not, consider seeking help to work through what sounds like are building feelings of resentment toward your spouse. |
Anonymous
I gave the advice and we are going strong 15 years with two tweens. He’s fine LOL. |