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Anyone NOT want their mother at the hospital during delivery?
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Anonymous
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My mom was standing outside the delivery room, ear to the door, during my entire delivery of my first. It was stressful. (I didn't want her in the actual room.)
This time around, I would prefer not to have her at the hospital at all. Instead, come up after the baby is born. (She is three hours away.) She is going to HATE this, and told me I was being selfish by not including her more the first time around. Any advice here? I don't find her helpful, more stressful to be around. 
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Anonymous
| Me! Just be brutal. Say, repeatedly, mom, this isn't about YOU. Please stop making this about you. Stay calm and consistent and let her sulk. She'll get over it. |
Anonymous
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I'm with you. I am pregnant with my first, and I don't understand people wanting to have anyone other than a partner in the delivery room.
Did your mom have anyone with her? Thankfully, my mom feels the way we do. She had only my dad in the delivery room both times. Couldn't you just call her AFTER the baby is born? That's my plan. Why do you have to put everyone on alert when you're going into labor? Just let them know once the baby arrives. |
Anonymous
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I had neither my mom nor MIL at my delivery with my first. I wanted to have a drug-free labor, and I think that seeing me in pain and not being able to do anything would have been too difficult for them. They would have been rushing around trying to "comfort" me or chit-chatting and driving me crazy in the process. I have NO regrets with not having them there, even though they were both miffed.
Look, if you find your mother's presence stressful, you don't need that while in labor. Would she be capable of being in the room and being a quiet bystander? If not, then stand firm. I understand the desire to be present for the birth of a grandchild -- being present at any birth is truly amazing -- but seriously, it is not about her. She'll get over it. |
Anonymous
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I am very close with my mom but felt the same way, I only wanted DH with me in the delivery room.
My mom is a worrier and I didn't need to be calming her down! We did let my parents come to the hospital to meet the baby that night, once we were both cleaned up. They are about 90 minutes away so we called once we were admitted and they came to our house (they have a key). We have a pet so it was nice to have them there during the two days we were in the hospital, and my mom got the house all ready for us when we came home, with home cooked meals, she had cleaned it and done laundry, etc. So that was nice. For number 2, I assume we will need my parents to do the same thing - come to the house and take care of our first while we are at the hospital. But I totally understand not wanting her at the hospital. Maybe suggest she wait at your house? Give her something constructive to do? Let her call family members, etc.? She probably just wants to be involved and help out. |
Anonymous
| I also have a mother who is stressful to be around and having her anywhere near the hospital would have been a nightmare. Luckily, she didn't try to come, so it was a non-issue. I did have to fend off my MIL however. We told her that we would call her "when the time came." We waited to call her, however, until I was already close to pushing, so there was no way she could get there before the baby was born. She arrived 1-2 hours after the baby was born, which gave us a perfect amount of alone time. If you don't have a scheduled c-section/induction, this may work for you. Good luck! I never cease to be amazed at how much grandparents can think this is all about them! |
Anonymous
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It may shock some of you on this board but there are women in this world who are close to and have good relationship with their mothers. My mother WAS my birth partner. She was the one who went to the classes with me bc my husband's work schedule did not allow him to participate in a 12 week class and she was in the delivery room with me. If not for the fact that she is now four hours away by car and I have no way of know when I will go into labor I would gladly have her with me for the second.
In fact, the experience of having my mother with me for my first pregnancy and birth totally healed the tiny fractures that had developed between us during my late teens early twenties - we are truly best friends again. BTW, OP if you think that you mom will not be helpful, then I agree that there is no reason to have her there. |
Anonymous
| 17:53 What exactly is the point of your post? Did you misread the title? The OP didn't say she didn't have a close relationship with her mother, but we are so happy for you and your special bond with yours. Now go away. |
Anonymous
Try and make me. |
Anonymous
Wow, you're so helpful!  Are you going to teach your kid to talk to you that way?
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Anonymous
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I absolutely adore my mother, have a close and wonderful relationship with her, and wanted her NOWHERE NEAR THE HOSPITAL when my first child was born. Like a PP above mentioned, my mom is a worrier, and I felt like I had to worry about her worrying about me - I would MUCH rather have just called her with the good news so she could be excited without the 18+ hours of crushing mom anxiety.
For my second, we appointed her the grandparent in charge of older sibling, so it kept her away from the hospital, which was a much more comfortable way to go for me. I didn't feel like I had to hurry up and get the baby out - pressure to perform - and didn't need to envision her sitting there, wringing her hands. |
Anonymous
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Ditto--love my Mom, I have a great relationship with her and actually sort of expected that she'd want to be in the hospital with us (not in the room but in the building--or at least the next day). But she said that she'd rather just come when we get home (she lives a plane ride away). And I agree, OP, that is a little less stressful--I kind of would rather it just be DH and me.
What to tell her? Can you call her once you're in labor? Is that too mean? Then maybe she won't make it in time? Or maybe just tell her that you really appreciate her support but you desperately need her to help with your other DC? Or prepping the house for when you get home? Something like that? |
Anonymous
| OP, can you persuade her that it would be more helpful for her to stay with your first? |
Anonymous
| Be straight with her OP. It's your birth experience. Can you ask her to take care of your first child while you are in the hospital? that would seem to be a pretty important role! |
Anonymous
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This is the OP. Thanks everyone. Truth be told, I don't want her coming at all until a few days after the birth. She just keeps saying "there is no way you are going to keep the GRANDMOTHER away" even though I haven't indicated my wishes yet.
sigh. |