Anyone NOT want their mother at the hospital during delivery?

[Anonymous]

OP: Who you have with you is such a personal and individual decision and you should do what will be most comfortable for you. You know what is best for you and have the right to ask for it.

I love the PPs suggestion of asking her to stay with DC#1 while you give birth. She feels needed and important and you get to have your birth experience the way you want it.

[Anonymous]

OP, when your mom says stuff like "there is no way you'll keep the grandmother away," I'm hoping the selfish, me-me-me nature of this statement makes it easier for you to say, as kindly as you can:

"Mom, I love you and you're going to be a big part of the baby's life. However, I don't want you at the hospital, and this is not about you, so my decision is final."

If she pushes back against that, just stay firm. She's not the boss of you anymore and doesn't call the shots! And I"m sure you don't want to hurt her feelings, but she's hardly thinking about yours with all that "just try and stop me" talk and business. Sounds like she's a bully who is still bullying you. That doesn't make her a bad person, but it probably DOES make her a bad person to have anywhere near a childbirth scene.

BTW, I also did not have my mom present at my first. I love her very much, but it was an intimate thing between DH and me and our baby. We didn't regret that in the slightest. My mom was angry with us but got over it right fast when she held that baby the first time.

[Anonymous]

If your mom shows up at the hospital, they will keep her out of the room if that's what you want. I had both my mom and my MIL waiting outside the delivery room while I was in labor with my first, but they were kept in the waiting area, away from the room, until I was ready to see them. So, in a worst case scenario just tell the nurses that the only person allowed in the delivery room is DH, they'll respect your wishes

[Anonymous]

Nothing to add, OP. Just wanted to commiserate. When DH and I told my mother that we'd like a few days alone as a new family before she and my father came in from out of town, we were also told how selfish we were and that we were saying they weren't going to be good grandparents. (This was after my mother said our wishes didn't matter, that she was coming at the first contraction regardless.)

We've been really torn up about it--we love my folks and don't want to alienate them. But we've had to recognize that they're the ones being unreasonable and selfish and that this is proper time and place to start drawing boundaries.

Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

"this is proper time and place to start drawing boundaries"

EXACTLY this. My BF said that our wedding was the place to start drawing boundaries with my in-laws. I wished I had listened! You have to set a precedent.