Found out friend is separated - etiquette question

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure this is the forum for it, but since there isn’t a friends forum I guess I’ll put it here. If you’re meeting up with someone you haven’t seen in a while, and they have separated from their spouse, are you supposed to acknowledge it in some way? What’s appropriate? “Im sorry it didn’t work out” or some such? I do not want to make it seem like I am probing for details but I don’t want to come off as rude/ unfeeling if I don’t acknowledge it at all.

[Anonymous]

“I was sorry to hear about your separation. I’m not trying to pry, but please know that I’m here if you want to talk about it.” Or, if you’re not close enough for the latter, then just say the first sentence and be prepared to move on if that’s what it seems like she wants.

[Anonymous]

"I'm sorry it didn't work out" ??!! It's not someone she went on 2 dates with. Oh my that is not what I would say.

[Anonymous]

Acknowledge and move on unless you’re meeting just them. In that case, acknowledge and wait for their lead.

[Anonymous]

“ I know you’re dealing with some stuff. Don’t feel any pressure to talk about it with me I just wanna let you know that I am here and available if you ever do want to talk.”

[Anonymous]

It depends how you found out that they were separated? Did they post the news on FB or was it gossip? Honestly, I would wait until they brought it up and then I would ask how they + kids are doing?

[Anonymous]

I would let them tell you about it first, then if you do genuinely want to be there for them, say that. Please don't say things like there are two sides to every story if they decide to vent to you about the drama going on. Just listen and validate.

[Anonymous]

I would start small talk and the. Ask a sincere “how are you doing?” No need to say you are sorry to hear they are separated if you do not know the details, but letting them know they can share if they want is good. I also ask if there is anything I can do, more nights out? Movie at home for company? Childcare? Just support them. Sometimes in these cases they are treated like social outcasts even if it’s no ones fault

[Anonymous]

I had people both say nothing and say "I heard you and Brian broke up - do you want to talk about it?" and sometimes I'd say "Yes, I have a lot to tell you," and other times I'd say "No, today I just want to focus on us" depending on my mood.

I was never offended by people who said nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure this is the forum for it, but since there isn’t a friends forum I guess I’ll put it here. If you’re meeting up with someone you haven’t seen in a while, and they have separated from their spouse, are you supposed to acknowledge it in some way? What’s appropriate? “Im sorry it didn’t work out” or some such? I do not want to make it seem like I am probing for details but I don’t want to come off as rude/ unfeeling if I don’t acknowledge it at all.

In my case, my friendship with this woman was pretty casual. I let her bring it up and that felt like the right thing to do. With a closer friend I would have said something.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks all! I don’t know either person in the couple well, the person met my spouse at an event recently and subsequently texted them about it as an FYI. Turns out our younger children will be going to be starting kindergarten at the same elementary school, and I am sure we will see them at some point.

[Anonymous]

“I heard about you and Larlo. How are you holding up?”

Clears the air, gives them a chance to discuss/get support if they want it, and offers an easy out if they don’t want to discuss. “Oh, it’s all worked out fine. How have you been?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I heard about you and Larlo. How are you holding up?”

Clears the air, gives them a chance to discuss/get support if they want it, and offers an easy out if they don’t want to discuss. “Oh, it’s all worked out fine. How have you been?”

This is what you say. Not some big falling all over yourself nonsense about whether they want to discuss it.

[Anonymous]

I just had this experience. I am friends with both parents but closer to the Mom. To her I generally asked how things are going and how the kids are doing. I saw the Dad separately and didn’t ask and he didn’t bring it up. He seemed happy where she seemed more down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all! I don’t know either person in the couple well, the person met my spouse at an event recently and subsequently texted them about it as an FYI. Turns out our younger children will be going to be starting kindergarten at the same elementary school, and I am sure we will see them at some point.

Wait, so this is an acquaintance, and not a friend?!

You say nothing.