girl/boy hanging out in bedroom with door closed
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Anonymous
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My 11 year old DD has a good friend from preschool, a boy, same age. Nice kid, etc. However, they've started hanging out some and they often want to hang out in the bedroom with the door closed. As soon as they closed the door this weekend, I realized this did not make me comfortable, and that I need to have a conversation with DD about this. I just went up and opened the door and told them to go hang out in the yard. DD gave me a glare (I can't do anything right these days anyhow) and said why??, but they left and went outside.
Anyone btdt? How do you have that conversation? She hangs out with her girl friends behind a closed bedroom door all the time, and I know she thinks of this boy in the same vein. |
Anonymous
| Shrug. Just say it’s a rule. Just like we aren’t allowed to eat in the tub or shower on the roof, when an opposite sex guest is over, door stays open and/or they go to the common room. She can probably discern why. If she pushes, you can say it makes you, the parent, uncomfortable. Your house, your rules. |
Anonymous
| That was always my rule growing up (door stays open), and I've handed it down to my teens as well. They understand it, and understand that it protects both them and their guests. |
Anonymous
| I can take a glare from a child. Because I'm the adult in charge. |
Anonymous
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It’s a house rule, whoever the young guest is, male or female. |
Anonymous
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Just curious, what if she turns out to be gay or bi?
L |
Anonymous
| She's 11, surely that's old enough to just be honest with her and set the rule if you want to? And I agree with PP that it's less about gender and more "anyone I think you might have sexual contact with" and probably "or who I think might want you to drink or do drugs," right? And if she pushes back on the fairness of that, try to be honest. Maybe "I understand your perspective, and you may be right, but I am doing the best I can as a parent and this is my decision for now. We can revisit it at X time." |
Anonymous
| Why did they have to go in the yard instead of keeping the door open? Telling them to go stay in the yard makes them sound like dogs. |
Anonymous
| We tell them to hang out somewhere else, it doesn’t matter the gender. It makes it easier to keep them outside or in the finished basement. Totally separate issues with our kids but it has worked out with this too. |
Anonymous
NP and yeah, I’m thinking about that one. DD told us she is but agrees that she’s too young to date or have sexual contact with anyone. We have open discussions. She also mentioned that she has friends that feel the same way but haven’t felt comfortable telling their parents so she’s grateful she can talk to us. We respected their privacy and didn’t ask which friends. So…when she asks about sleepovers, what do we do? We have said no because of Covid for a long time and now this. And now I’m thinking about her with friends behind closed doors. |
Anonymous
| No opposite sex friend in the bedroom. Play in the living room. Need privacy? Take a walk or go to the mall. |
Anonymous
| Have you talked to your 11 year old about sex? What do you think they are doing that requires privacy? |
Anonymous
| If you know she thinks of this boy the same as her girl friends, I wouldn’t think much of it. I remember hanging out with my best guy friend in my bedroom when I was 12 or 13 and my parents making a big deal out of it and it turned out he was gay. We were just listening to music. |
Anonymous
Music is a gateway to sex. |
Anonymous
My bi DD is 12. She's not allowed sleepovers with bi girls or lesbians and the rules are different for spending time with her bi friends and straight boys vs. straight girls vs. gay boys. It's complicated but always comes down to implenting the same boy/girl rules I grew up with, just now there are more players. |