girl/boy hanging out in bedroom with door closed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you know she thinks of this boy the same as her girl friends, I wouldn’t think much of it. I remember hanging out with my best guy friend in my bedroom when I was 12 or 13 and my parents making a big deal out of it and it turned out he was gay. We were just listening to music.

Music is a gateway to sex.

Not when the boy’s not remotely interested!

[Anonymous]

Bedroom doors open when friends are over. Boy or girl. Doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what if she turns out to be gay or bi?
L

NP and yeah, I’m thinking about that one. DD told us she is but agrees that she’s too young to date or have sexual contact with anyone. We have open discussions. She also mentioned that she has friends that feel the same way but haven’t felt comfortable telling their parents so she’s grateful she can talk to us. We respected their privacy and didn’t ask which friends.

So…when she asks about sleepovers, what do we do? We have said no because of Covid for a long time and now this. And now I’m thinking about her with friends behind closed doors.

My bi DD is 12. She's not allowed sleepovers with bi girls or lesbians and the rules are different for spending time with her bi friends and straight boys vs. straight girls vs. gay boys. It's complicated but always comes down to implenting the same boy/girl rules I grew up with, just now there are more players.

That sounds... incredibly complicated. It seems almost all of my DD’s closest friends are questioning their sexuality and the labels they use are constantly in flux. I can’t imagine having to verify everyone’s status before every proposed sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Doors open or camera.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what if she turns out to be gay or bi?
L

NP and yeah, I’m thinking about that one. DD told us she is but agrees that she’s too young to date or have sexual contact with anyone. We have open discussions. She also mentioned that she has friends that feel the same way but haven’t felt comfortable telling their parents so she’s grateful she can talk to us. We respected their privacy and didn’t ask which friends.

So…when she asks about sleepovers, what do we do? We have said no because of Covid for a long time and now this. And now I’m thinking about her with friends behind closed doors.

My bi DD is 12. She's not allowed sleepovers with bi girls or lesbians and the rules are different for spending time with her bi friends and straight boys vs. straight girls vs. gay boys. It's complicated but always comes down to implenting the same boy/girl rules I grew up with, just now there are more players.

That sounds... incredibly complicated. It seems almost all of my DD’s closest friends are questioning their sexuality and the labels they use are constantly in flux. I can’t imagine having to verify everyone’s status before every proposed sleepover.

I can’t imagine either. We may stick with no sleepovers. Especially since DD said more than one of her friends are questioning and haven’t discussed with their parents. I’m not going to get into a detailed conversation with DD about how each friend feels before each get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doors open or camera.

Ew, c’mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shrug. Just say it’s a rule. Just like we aren’t allowed to eat in the tub or shower on the roof, when an opposite sex guest is over, door stays open and/or they go to the common room. She can probably discern why. If she pushes, you can say it makes you, the parent, uncomfortable. Your house, your rules.

+1

Not everything needs consensus or even a thorough explanation. Some things are just house rules. Done.

[Anonymous]

My sister is gay. She used to have her "best friend" from school. sleep over and my parents did not have a clue.

I was not living in the house at this time so I didn't realize what was going on either.

So. Is it ok for same-sex to have sex but not opposite sex at this teen / tween age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 11 year old DD has a good friend from preschool, a boy, same age. Nice kid, etc. However, they've started hanging out some and they often want to hang out in the bedroom with the door closed. As soon as they closed the door this weekend, I realized this did not make me comfortable, and that I need to have a conversation with DD about this. I just went up and opened the door and told them to go hang out in the yard. DD gave me a glare (I can't do anything right these days anyhow) and said why??, but they left and went outside.

Anyone btdt? How do you have that conversation? She hangs out with her girl friends behind a closed bedroom door all the time, and I know she thinks of this boy in the same vein.

Why is she hanging out with doors close ALL THE TIME?

She's 11. She might have a little tantrum, but good time to set the rules, specially if you're not comfortable!

[Anonymous]

Just tell her that the door stays open when friends are over, regardless of gender. Make it easy to follow and implement.

[Anonymous]

10 yo son has a girl bff. They've been best friends since they were 2 and regularly hang out at each other's house and have sleepovers. We've had the leave the door open in the bedroom rule since they were 4 (when regular hangouts and sleepovers started for them) and have kept it a standard rule. Enforce the rule and make it the same for both genders for consistency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can take a glare from a child. Because I'm the adult in charge.

Same here. I have boys and don't allow them to play with their friends with the door closed. For me, it doesn't matter the sex of the child. If I'm the adult in charge, then I need to at least be able to hear what they are doing in my house. If they are outside in plain view or running around, I don't check on them as often, but I do check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It’s a house rule, whoever the young guest is, male or female.

+1 All bedroom doors stay open all the time whenever there is a non-family member in there. No exceptions. Bathroom doors may be closed but there should only be one person in there at a time.

[Anonymous]

DS 13's best friend is a girl he's known since daycare.
They're at each other house pretty much every weekend and they still have sleepovers. When they're hanging out in the bedroom they've always had to keep the door open and since they started middle school they have to sleep in separate rooms at sleepovers. We've kept these rules consistent and always remind them that if they're ever broken then hangouts and sleepovers will stop. They've followed the rules every time, they're both good kids and as long as they stick to the rules I'm happy for it to continue.