How to get friend's parent to MYOB?

[Anonymous]

An admittedly odd question: DC has a friend who (we believe) undermines DC in many ways, which we recognize as quite detrimental to DC's sense of self. It goes deep. And best we can tell, Friend's apparent psychological quirks are shared with Friend's parent. Lately, Friend and the parent are attempting to insert themselves -- in insidious ways -- into our family deliberations over serious matters. Thus far, we have politely asked the parent to beg off, thanking them for concern, etc.

Short of a restraining order, which probably doesn't even apply here, how can we get these people to MYOB?

[Anonymous]

Why are these kids still getting together? Why do the parents know anything about your family deliberations?

[Anonymous]

Need more detail on this they are doing this

[Anonymous]

Simple, spend zero time with these people. End of story.

[Anonymous]

This makes no sense. Kid is detrimental to your kid? They stop hanging out. Parents can't MYOB? They don't get involved in your life. Wtf this isn't difficult.

[Anonymous]

They are teens. Parents can only do so much to intervene in the relationship.

How do they know -- DC shares with Friend, Friend shares with their parent. That's how.

No need to be unkind here. I am asking for help amidst a struggle.

[Anonymous]

Ban the friend from your house and ask your kid to disengage from them at school.

If you're at a break point - transitioning from elementary to middle or middle to high - see if you can pick a different school from the bully.

[Anonymous]

You are doing the right thing with the parents, but the challenge is with the teens. The more you try to keep them apart, the more your DC will want to spend time with their DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are teens. Parents can only do so much to intervene in the relationship.

How do they know -- DC shares with Friend, Friend shares with their parent. That's how.

No need to be unkind here. I am asking for help amidst a struggle.

Order DC not to share privileged family info with the other child, and do not socialize with that child's parents. How is this complicated?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the issue is more that your kid seems to disagree with you guys and you are doing the classic "blame a friend's influence" thing.

[Anonymous]

You tell your kid not to share family information with this friend. You don't discuss family matters if the friend is around. If by chance the friend's parent again brings something up which is none of their business, you tell them in no uncertain terms (to hell with politely) that it is none of their business.

More importantly, you seem to think this friend is a bad influence over your kid. That's the fundamental problem you should be addressing. Deal with that first and if your kid awakens to friend's games, then the rest of it becomes moot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are teens. Parents can only do so much to intervene in the relationship.

How do they know -- DC shares with Friend, Friend shares with their parent. That's how.

No need to be unkind here. I am asking for help amidst a struggle.

NP. Except that you didn’t tell us anything.

-“What should I wear next wednesday?”
-“We don’t know, where are you going?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are teens. Parents can only do so much to intervene in the relationship.

How do they know -- DC shares with Friend, Friend shares with their parent. That's how.

No need to be unkind here. I am asking for help amidst a struggle.

Order DC not to share privileged family info with the other child, and do not socialize with that child's parents. How is this complicated?

+1 If DC does not comply, loses time with friend.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, it sounds like they think they know better or are flippant about something you want to address. They do not get to raise your kid and if they are telling her how you are wrong it will add strains on an existing problem. Are you hesitant, against or unable to take time away from this group? It doesn't sound like you could convince them that they are hurting the situation if they view you as misguided.

[Anonymous]

Depends. Are the other parents telling you they are concerned about your child's mental health or safety because of things she is telling their child. Or are they concerned her second ear piercing makes her look cheap and will be shunned by the proper kids.