I'm a lesbian and just found out yet another one of my exes is transitioning

[Anonymous]

Basically I'm a lesbian in my late twenties. I am pretty femme and I am only attracted to butch lesbians, always have been and while I have tried to find more femme girls attractive because there's way more of them, it just never quite works.

I am after discovering that of the five girls I've dated, now four of them have transitioned and are on testosterone. Only one is still cis and frankly, it's actually really getting to me. I feel like no matter what I do, I am going to end up with a trans "husband" and that's not what I want out of my life. It hurts so much seeing all of these incredibly intelligent, gorgeous, rebellious women flatten themselves into this caricature of a man. Every time I see another one post a 'guys I have something to tell you, here are my post t pics and my new pronouns' thing on their insta...my heart just sinks. I honestly feel like I'm just going to be left either alone the rest of my life or dating a feminine girl that I'm not attracted to because that's the only way to avoid this situation. Looking back at pictures with my exes used to be fun memories for the most part and now I just feel like I'm looking at pictures of people who don't exist anymore because the girl I dated now has a beard and lives the life of a straight man.

I feel like my community is being hollowed out around me and all that's left is transguys who want this artifice of a straight relationship, bi women and various brands of queer. I don't want to be judging other people's decisions about their lives but it sucks feeling like I'm the last of a dying breed here.

Rant over. Just feeling very grim this evening having seen another of my exes make one of these posts.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry that must be very hard. They are xes for a reason! You just need to find that one person , chin up!

[Anonymous]

Oddly enough, I was JUST having this conversation with my friend who is a "butch" lesbian. She was saying in the past few years as transgendered issues have become more acceptable, she's seen a lot of fellow butch lesbian transition. Her guess is that they've always identified as male but that outlet wasn't there. Her pet peeve is that people have started to assume that she's transitioning or is not cis, which she is.

Sorry OP, I don't really have any advice but to tell you your type is still out there!

[Anonymous]

As a straight woman who is not particularly into girl stuff, I’ve always appreciate butch lesbians for being at the forefront of challenging what it means to be a woman. I’m also sad to see many of them transitioning to men. And, yes, I know it’s not about me and my desire to have other people challenge gender norms for me. Sigh. But I do appreciate that we are moving to a world where everyone can be who they want to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a straight woman who is not particularly into girl stuff, I’ve always appreciate butch lesbians for being at the forefront of challenging what it means to be a woman. I’m also sad to see many of them transitioning to men. And, yes, I know it’s not about me and my desire to have other people challenge gender norms for me. Sigh. But I do appreciate that we are moving to a world where everyone can be who they want to be.

NP. Are they, though?
I’m an older soft-butch lesbian and I am really skeptical that the desire to transition is truly borne out of “just being myself.”
All this transitioning seems very binary-reinforcing and serves “blending in” much more than being accepted in society as a butch lesbian.
And I also wonder what the long term is like for butch lesbians who transition. Are straight women really interested?
As a gay women, I do not find myself attracted to trans men who have medically transitioned. I can’t imagine my straight girl friends being very interested either.
OP I hope this fad ends soon. There’s going to be a backlash. I really hope that butch lesbians will reclaim space for themselves.
Also, where are you? Maybe get out into some different circles. I don’t think this is happening equally everywhere.

[Anonymous]

So interesting that you cis lesbians are demanding that society accept you for who you are and without any judgement yet here you are judging other people who demand to be accepted for who they say they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So interesting that you cis lesbians are demanding that society accept you for who you are and without any judgement yet here you are judging other people who demand to be accepted for who they say they are.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a straight woman who is not particularly into girl stuff, I’ve always appreciate butch lesbians for being at the forefront of challenging what it means to be a woman. I’m also sad to see many of them transitioning to men. And, yes, I know it’s not about me and my desire to have other people challenge gender norms for me. Sigh. But I do appreciate that we are moving to a world where everyone can be who they want to be.

NP. Are they, though?
I’m an older soft-butch lesbian and I am really skeptical that the desire to transition is truly borne out of “just being myself.”
All this transitioning seems very binary-reinforcing and serves “blending in” much more than being accepted in society as a butch lesbian.
And I also wonder what the long term is like for butch lesbians who transition. Are straight women really interested?
As a gay women, I do not find myself attracted to trans men who have medically transitioned. I can’t imagine my straight girl friends being very interested either.
OP I hope this fad ends soon. There’s going to be a backlash. I really hope that butch lesbians will reclaim space for themselves.
Also, where are you? Maybe get out into some different circles. I don’t think this is happening equally everywhere.

this, it's the one issue that is never discussed with respect to trans acceptance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a straight woman who is not particularly into girl stuff, I’ve always appreciate butch lesbians for being at the forefront of challenging what it means to be a woman. I’m also sad to see many of them transitioning to men. And, yes, I know it’s not about me and my desire to have other people challenge gender norms for me. Sigh. But I do appreciate that we are moving to a world where everyone can be who they want to be.

NP. Are they, though?
I’m an older soft-butch lesbian and I am really skeptical that the desire to transition is truly borne out of “just being myself.”
All this transitioning seems very binary-reinforcing and serves “blending in” much more than being accepted in society as a butch lesbian.
And I also wonder what the long term is like for butch lesbians who transition. Are straight women really interested?
As a gay women, I do not find myself attracted to trans men who have medically transitioned. I can’t imagine my straight girl friends being very interested either.
OP I hope this fad ends soon. There’s going to be a backlash. I really hope that butch lesbians will reclaim space for themselves.
Also, where are you? Maybe get out into some different circles. I don’t think this is happening equally everywhere.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a straight woman who is not particularly into girl stuff, I’ve always appreciate butch lesbians for being at the forefront of challenging what it means to be a woman. I’m also sad to see many of them transitioning to men. And, yes, I know it’s not about me and my desire to have other people challenge gender norms for me. Sigh. But I do appreciate that we are moving to a world where everyone can be who they want to be.

NP. Are they, though?
I’m an older soft-butch lesbian and I am really skeptical that the desire to transition is truly borne out of “just being myself.”
All this transitioning seems very binary-reinforcing and serves “blending in” much more than being accepted in society as a butch lesbian.
And I also wonder what the long term is like for butch lesbians who transition. Are straight women really interested?
As a gay women, I do not find myself attracted to trans men who have medically transitioned. I can’t imagine my straight girl friends being very interested either.
OP I hope this fad ends soon. There’s going to be a backlash. I really hope that butch lesbians will reclaim space for themselves.
Also, where are you? Maybe get out into some different circles. I don’t think this is happening equally everywhere.

You would be surprised. I know two adult cis women in relationships with trans men. Both of the men are attractive and good partners. There are also several trans male actors who are very easy on the eyes like the firefighter on 9-1-1 Lone Star.

[Anonymous]

This is interesting. I’ve always wondered what is the point of being a lesbian if you’re going to end up with someone who is very butch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting. I’ve always wondered what is the point of being a lesbian if you’re going to end up with someone who is very butch.

Because there are many ways to be a woman and butch women are hot.
Underneath the clothes and swagger they are still women.

[Anonymous]

Lesbian here. OP, I’m sorry. That sucks and is not a good feeling at all. I hear what you’re saying.

Good luck. Take a break from serious dating, have some fun flings post COVID, check the dc queer dating instas, and give yourself permission not to worry about long term for a few months. I hope you’ll feel more comfortable with your prospects soon!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting. I’ve always wondered what is the point of being a lesbian if you’re going to end up with someone who is very butch.

Because there are many ways to be a woman and butch women are hot.
Underneath the clothes and swagger they are still women.

+1

[Anonymous]

Some may be gender fluid or playing with gender like the one stripper described here https://slate.com/human-interest/2021/06/dom-lesbian-strippers-exotic-dancing.html