I want to be the closest person to DC

[Anonymous]

Me and DH, that is. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t feel comfortable with a nanny even though we could easily afford one to help me. I want to be DC’s primary attachment figure and I feel like that entails doing all the mundane, tiresome day to day kid related tasks (baths, feeding, wake ups, putting to bed) not just the fun activities. Is this irrational? Does anyone else feel this way or is it hormones talking?

[Anonymous]

How old is your DC, OP?

[Anonymous]

You really need to put your ego aside. You have to change your mindset to what’s in your child’s best interest. And for us, that was an educated, experienced nanny. I love that my kids love our nanny and that takes nothing away from DH or me. And I have plenty of time for the mundane stuff!!

Plus, since I wanted to breastfeed and switched to a job where I work from home most of the time, anything but a nanny was out.

[Anonymous]

No. No I never felt that way.

Further, you’re going to have lots of time to do wake ups, bath time, meals, etc even with a nanny.

Good luck, OP. I think you’re in for a rude awakening. Children are actually people with their own needs, desires, personalities, and paths. Try to think of what’s best for them - not you- and remember, if you do your job right, they will happily leave you at 18.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Save the nanny money for the inevitable therapy bills later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me and DH, that is. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t feel comfortable with a nanny even though we could easily afford one to help me. I want to be DC’s primary attachment figure and I feel like that entails doing all the mundane, tiresome day to day kid related tasks (baths, feeding, wake ups, putting to bed) not just the fun activities. Is this irrational? Does anyone else feel this way or is it hormones talking?

If you aren’t going to work out of the house, why would you need a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Save the nanny money for the inevitable therapy bills later.

+1. For OP and her poor kid.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s your hormones and those are very irrational thoughts. The more people your child has that love him/her the better off she will be.

I never felt the way you do, but I was at times jealous of my nanny… it was irrational and I am (and always have been) the most important person in my children’s life… I am just not the ONLY person.

[Anonymous]

Do other mothers not really have a problem with other caregivers being the primary attachment? Even just from the difficulties you’ll have at night time and on weekends from this? OP I can relate. I went to part time work and hired a fabulous nanny for three days a week because of this. Mostly working mothers house on this board who justify their choices just as we justify ours of course. Just do what feels right for you and you’ll all be fine.

[Anonymous]

Stop thinking about yourself, OP, and what you want. Think about your baby. It’s time to put the me, me, me Crap on the back burner.

And never, ever, look to your child for validation of your importance. Giving a child that responsibility is unfair and will blow up in your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s your hormones and those are very irrational thoughts. The more people your child has that love him/her the better off she will be.

I never felt the way you do, but I was at times jealous of my nanny… it was irrational and I am (and always have been) the most important person in my children’s life… I am just not the ONLY person.

Wow, the misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your DC, OP?

9 months! And to clarify, I don’t want to be the ONLY person in DCs life. But I was raised by nannies and definitely recall being closer to them than my own mother, which is sad in hindsight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do other mothers not really have a problem with other caregivers being the primary attachment? Even just from the difficulties you’ll have at night time and on weekends from this? OP I can relate. I went to part time work and hired a fabulous nanny for three days a week because of this. Mostly working mothers house on this board who justify their choices just as we justify ours of course. Just do what feels right for you and you’ll all be fine.

Other caregivers are never a child’s primary attachment. The kids know who lives with them and who goes home at five. They know who hears them in the middle of the night and who’s their family. And I write this as someone with the most wonderful nanny in the world and my kids adore her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s your hormones and those are very irrational thoughts. The more people your child has that love him/her the better off she will be.

I never felt the way you do, but I was at times jealous of my nanny… it was irrational and I am (and always have been) the most important person in my children’s life… I am just not the ONLY person.

Wow, the misogyny.

Um, OP asked if it was the hormones, implying she is pregnant (or possibly post partum) so this was a reasonable response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop thinking about yourself, OP, and what you want. Think about your baby. It’s time to put the me, me, me Crap on the back burner.

And never, ever, look to your child for validation of your importance. Giving a child that responsibility is unfair and will blow up in your face.

Lol what exactly do you think an infant wants?