Sister terrified of Covid

[Anonymous]

My sister is in her late thirties. She is completely terrified of getting Covid. She was vaccinated months ago but refuses to be around my elementary-school age children (she has no children) because they are unvaccinated. A couple of weeks ago I visited her and she insisted we all sit outside and she then eat at a different table from everyone, wearing a mask when not eating. She has no health conditions or co-morbidities and is a fit, healthy person. She won't visit our elderly parents (even though they live near her) from fear of Covid. I tried to tell her this is too much and she says I'm judging her and that she has her boundaries. It makes me feel sad that she is this way, but I don't feel there is anything I can/should do.

[Anonymous]

She sounds smart. Why should she take on extra risk when there are so many breakthrough cases just so you can socialize the way you want to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds smart. Why should she take on extra risk when there are so many breakthrough cases just so you can socialize the way you want to?

Oh boy, quiet troll!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds smart. Why should she take on extra risk when there are so many breakthrough cases just so you can socialize the way you want to?

Oh boy, quiet troll!

I’m not a troll. I just see no reason she should take a risk she doesn’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Covid isn't over - the Delta/Indian variant is out of control and she has the right to her boundaries.

What exactly can't wait until there is a higher level of vaccinated population or your children are vaccinated at the very least?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Covid isn't over - the Delta/Indian variant is out of control and she has the right to her boundaries.

What exactly can't wait until there is a higher level of vaccinated population or your children are vaccinated at the very least?

The adult level isn’t going to get much higher. Hopefully kids will be vax Before delta is out of control.

[Anonymous]

There's really nothing you can do. She seems excessively cautious, but everyone is entitled to their own risk tolerance. You make the choices that you are comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Does she have a history of anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Hmm.

I mean, she's behaving crazily. That part is obvious. The question is, is there anything you can do/say?

Most likely, the answer to that is no. Especially because (sorry) your "this is too much" approach was the wrong one, and you have probably wasted your shot.

I would say nothing (nothing!) for at least 2-3 weeks, probably more like a month or six weeks, and then if she still hasn't loosened the reigns at all try an "I'm worried about you" approach.

"Larla, I'm a bit concerned about you. Obviously, the last year and a half has been so scary and unpredictable, for everyone, and that's not something that's easy to just bounce back from. Covid is scary, and it's not like it's completely gone, so some care and risk management is warranted. But your caution at this point seems out of proportion to your risk. What's the nature of your concern? Do you want to talk about it? I'm happy to listen."

Then see if you can listen (non-judgmentally) and give her space to talk about her fears. If that works, you might at some point in the conversation be able to suggest perhaps she talk to a therapist. But you can't argue with her - you've got to just listen, and try to understand. it sounds to me like she's really struggling, and could use a sympathetic ear.

If that doesn't work, I'd give up. She's an adult, and she's free to behave how she wants.

Either way, you do have to drop the judgement, that's not going to help.

[Anonymous]

OP

Shut up and mind your own business.

If anything your sister is more compassionate than you are. Grow up.

She is not hurting anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have a history of anxiety?

This was my first thought.

I'm curious what reason she gives for not visiting your parents, since in that situation everyone would be vaccinated? While my risk tolerance is okay being with kids, I think you could could say it's on the high end of caution, but still rationale, to say you are not interacting with anyone not vaccinated.

I'm just curious if she is able to articulate to you what conditions she requires in order to forgo social distancing and mask wearing.

[Anonymous]

I have a relative who's like this, and she knows she's hurting her loved ones deeply. But it's her boundary and her level of comfort. You cannot reason with it. She might need a therapist to unpack her anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP

Shut up and mind your own business.

If anything your sister is more compassionate than you are. Grow up.

She is not hurting anyone.

Except herself with her out of control anxiety. But no, there's nothing you can do to change it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is in her late thirties. She is completely terrified of getting Covid. She was vaccinated months ago but refuses to be around my elementary-school age children (she has no children) because they are unvaccinated. A couple of weeks ago I visited her and she insisted we all sit outside and she then eat at a different table from everyone, wearing a mask when not eating. She has no health conditions or co-morbidities and is a fit, healthy person. She won't visit our elderly parents (even though they live near her) from fear of Covid. I tried to tell her this is too much and she says I'm judging her and that she has her boundaries. It makes me feel sad that she is this way, but I don't feel there is anything I can/should do.

You are weird. She sounds smart. Your children aren’t old enough to get vaccinated. I am vaccinated but I do not socialize indoors with anyone who is not vaccinated, including unvaccinated children. Stop criticizing her for being careful.

I do visit my parents, but only outside, both for my sake and theirs.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing you can do about it, of course. I do wonder what is going to be enough for her since vaccination apparently is not it. Hopefully she will decide to rejoin society at some point in the future, but it might be a while.