How to keep bored widowed dad occupied

[Anonymous]

My dad is a widower. He is very healthy and sharp, but we have become a huge part of his social life. I am happy to feed him dinner some evenings, but then I feel guilty if we tell him that we will be out.
We are going on vacation next week and he asked to come along for part of it.
I feel guilty any time I need to tell him we're unavailable.
How can I gently set boundaries while also being supportive and available and help to structure his time?

[Anonymous]

This is very difficult.

My father found friends going to daily church services (long before covid). Volunteer work can often involve meeting great people. If he’s a churchgoer there probably are groups for men and got special interests.

Wish I had more to suggest.

[Anonymous]

How long has he been a widower?

[Anonymous]

Is he able to go on senior bus tours?

[Anonymous]

OP, predictability is nice. The first & third Friday of the month (or whatever). Something he can plan around. At this point, he doesn't want to miss out on time with you. And if things are too random, there's always the chance for it to happen.

[Anonymous]

I would set up regular dinners certain days per week.
If he was widowed relatively recently, I would extend him some grace and let him come on vacation if possible.
For help structuring his time, that's tough. Mostly he'll have to figure that out on his own. Maybe if you have some mixed age activities at your church, neighborhood gathering, etc you can invite him along and hope he makes some connections.

[Anonymous]

If he is healthy and sharp, I am surprised he isn’t invited out by the local widow groups. How long has he been a widow?

[Anonymous]

Get him a dog, he will meet people when he takes it for a walk.
Go with him to local activities for older people.
Encourage him to volunteer with Americorps Senior: https://www.americorps.gov/serve/americorps-seniors
Suggest he take a class at a local college.
Get him on the board of something local that he has a connection to -- library, volunteer organization

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is healthy and sharp, I am surprised he isn’t invited out by the local widow groups. How long has he been a widow?

That lady with the red pen is going to come by and tell you that he is a widower not a widow.

[Anonymous]

There's this guy who runs a blog called the Tech Enhanced Life. He has groups of people called Longevity Explorers who try out different products intended for the aging, and give feedback. Would your dad be interested in something like this?

https://www.techenhancedlife.com/content/longevity-explorers

[Anonymous]

Enjoy your dad and be happy that he wants to be around you and your family.
If he is healthy and financially solvent chances are he will have his choice of available women if/when he is interested and then you will miss having him around!

[Anonymous]

My dad found a new wife. Best thing ever.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all. It has only been six months, so I want to give him plenty of time to hang out with us if he needs it -- but it's also really hard when we have plans and I have to tell him no, then I worry about if he's lonesome, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. It has only been six months, so I want to give him plenty of time to hang out with us if he needs it -- but it's also really hard when we have plans and I have to tell him no, then I worry about if he's lonesome, etc.

part of the issue is probably the isolation of Covid. I hope In person things open up more and your dad can do some of them. What did he like to do prior to Covid?

If it were me, I would let him come on your vacation.

How does he react when you say no? How often does he ask verses how often do you you invite him in a week?

If he had a friend or group of friends, perhaps you could contact them and tell them he is ready to do things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad found a new wife. Best thing ever.

Good for him.