How to keep bored widowed dad occupied

[Anonymous]

How about service clubs? Lions, K of C, etc. Volunteering is great. Does he go to church? Some have men’s breakfast clubs. My mom did Red Hats for years, maybe there is a mens version.

[Anonymous]

I’d let him come along for the part of the vacation he asked about. Assume he’s helping with his portion of expenses?

[Anonymous]

My 93 year old father volunteers at the old person home twice a week. Seriously, he is a greeter. Also gives communion on Sundays to those who cannot make it to church. He says it keeps him young. He also volunteers on the School Board at the church.

And, it was tough after mom died until he found a companion, because even though his days were busy, his evenings were lonely. Now he has a companion, and although I think they spend way to much time drinking, he isn't lonely, isn't dependant on me, and at 93, he can do whatever he darn well pleases!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. It has only been six months, so I want to give him plenty of time to hang out with us if he needs it -- but it's also really hard when we have plans and I have to tell him no, then I worry about if he's lonesome, etc.

You're a good daughter, OP, and you're showing your dad great love and care by inviting him over for dinner often and spending time with him in other ways. You also deserve and need to have time alone with your husband and kids. My dad outlived my mom for 10 years and never remarried. It was very hard at first, but my sisters and I were focused on helping him reach out to old friends and start making new friends through volunteering and classes. Connecting with old friends was key, and that eventually led to a sweet and supportive romantic relationship for him. But we had to start with just getting him to pick up the phone and call a friend to set up a time for coffee. Unfortunately, many men of that generation just don't know how to do that.

[Anonymous]

Since it’s only been six months it’s not a surprise. Loneliness can be brutal and he is lucky to have you nearby. But he needs to find other outlets to deal with his loneliness. Does he play golf or have other hobbies? What are his interests and can he expand on them in terms of time commitment. Volunteering is a great way to spend time with people. Not to be forgotten is that if he is in good health there are plenty of women who are looking for male companionship.

[Anonymous]

You have to set boundaries that work for you so you don't enable him to give up on having a life of his own. Great ideas on here. Encourage whatever he might enjoy-senior outings, volunteer-work, etc. A dog can really help if he wants one and loves animals. I think the way someone worded it wasn't ideal, though the sentiment was probably fine. Do not just buy someone a dog. He needs to want it and chose it otherwise you could contribute to the overcrowding of shelters.

Make aure he understands your limits. If you love having him for dinner twice a month, tell him and then help him come up with other ideas.Don't over-extend yourself to rescue him from loneliness, because you could enable him to limit his efforts to expand his social circle. Don't fall prey to guilt. Making new friends and keeping up old friendships exercises the brain and boosts mental and physical health. You can support him and love him without feeling burdened and overwhelmed. Know your limits, set them and make them clear. Otherwise his expectations with keep increasing.

[Anonymous]

If he's still sharp, how about a part time job?
If he has a particular skill such as a language, gardening, computers, music, teaching would be great. As a volunteer in schools or as a paid gig or hourly thing. The county extension office has master gardener programs with lots of older ladies.
Take a water aerobics class at the local gym, plenty of widows there.
Volunteer at the local animal shelter.
Become a handy man and fix things for people in the neighborhood, meet your neighbors.
Join a church, join the choir.

[Anonymous]

Consider the Osher Lifelong Learning Program (OLLI). It is at American University and a few other local universities

[Anonymous]

Get him a PornHub subscription

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh it’s still such early days; this is temporary. He’ll find his way in time. I would let him join you on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh it’s still such early days; this is temporary. He’ll find his way in time. I would let him join you on vacation.

Nooooooooo. You do not let him join you unless you plan to do this everytime. My widowed mother was grateful at first and then everything became an expectation. We enabled her too much and years later the woman desperately needs friends because she scared off her old ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad found a new wife. Best thing ever.

Was she a rescue? I hope so, as I would hope he didn't have her specially bred and delivered, also so much $$$. You are so correct, the best thing is "new wife." And now you don't have to worry about him- she can and he is now occupied.

[Anonymous]

This is the saddest post. Your Dad is grieving and alone for the first time in his entire adult life. The pain of losing a spouse is tragic, and widows and widower are just expected to move on. Please be there for him. He really should have been invited on your vacation. He certainly doesn't sound like he's a problem to you. This is a definite and tangible thing you can do, please do it. He will learn, over time, to slowly adjust to being alone, but for now, you have this time to be there for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him a dog, he will meet people when he takes it for a walk.
Go with him to local activities for older people.
Encourage him to volunteer with Americorps Senior: https://www.americorps.gov/serve/americorps-seniors
Suggest he take a class at a local college.
Get him on the board of something local that he has a connection to -- library, volunteer organization

All these things, but until he's ready, and he will be, be there for your Dad. Let's not get into "boundaries" right now. Grief has no boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad found a new wife. Best thing ever.

+1

So did mine, and very quickly. This is probably what will happen, OP. Your dad needs someone to take care of him and the widows his age move fast