Is yelling ever normal/acceptable?

[Anonymous]

I am extraordinarily difficult to anger - I will get upset sometimes but I never raise my voice and don’t have a temper. DH tends to yell and get really mad when something frustrates him. As an example, we’ve been frequently losing internet lately and whenever this happens he will curse and yell. Is this normal? It’s not directed at me so I’m not afraid, but it’s unpleasant. Am I just weird and lacking in emotions or is this an emotional regulation issue?

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s normal to yell in anger and frustration. Your reaction is also normal. Both within the range of normal.

[Anonymous]

I yell a lot when I’m frustrated at home or in the car. Normal.

Now let’s talk about why you’re suddenly asking this after you’ve married someone. This yelling cannot be new behavior.

[Anonymous]

No it’s not acceptable. What kind of trashy family were you raised in?

[Anonymous]

Lil John

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I yell a lot when I’m frustrated at home or in the car. Normal.

Now let’s talk about why you’re suddenly asking this after you’ve married someone. This yelling cannot be new behavior.

The second part of that interests me too. I think his reaction is in the range of normal, and not inherently problematic since it’s not directed at you, but I can understand it being unpleasant. Is his new behavior, or one you knew about before you got married? If it’s the latter, why is it suddenly an issue now?

[Anonymous]

When someone cannot hear you it is absolutely okay to yell. And if they still can't hear you, throw a MF in there. That'll get their attention.

[Anonymous]

Occasionally yelling is pretty normal, I think. I wouldn't want to live in a home where people yell at each other, but occasionally expressing high frustration or anger by raising your voice is probably healthy. My DH and I both do it at times, but we don't really yell at each other, just in each others general direction to express our feelings, usually about a frustrating situation.

I will say that kids alters your thinking on this. I'm much more cognizant of yelling with a small kid in the house, and it encourages me to react calmly to things more often. That said, it's also really nice when my kid isn't home and I can respond to something annoying as loudly as I want with worrying about scaring her. Sometimes swearing or yelling about something really stupid is the best way to get over it.

[Anonymous]

He needs to learn to regulate. Not ok.

[Anonymous]

Yeah normal .

[Anonymous]

I think it’s like porn/masturbation. No one is particularly proud that they do it, but pretty much everyone will admit that they do. So it’s normal, but maybe not really acceptable. Some amount is typical, but too much is problematic and damaging to a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Unless it’s some life and death emergency where you need to get someone’s attention, yelling is not ok. I wonder about some of you your families of origin. I don’t yell, DH doesn’t yell, and I grew up in a family where no one yelled.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what's normal but yelling by itself doesn't bother me. I understand strong emotions and needing to vent them somehow. But the "word choice" matters so much more.

[Anonymous]

My husband’s yelling is eroding our relationship to the point I want to sleep in a different room. I told him countless times I’m fed up with his snoring, the way he looks at me, his yelling, and the venom his father puts on him.

[Anonymous]

It might not be abnormal, but I don't like it which is why I always weeded out yellers. When I was a kid my dad was a yeller and I think we all walked on eggshells trying to avoid his next explosion.

My ex was a yeller, and even when it wasn't directed towards me I would hide because I hated it so much. I realized it was messed up when he was yelling one day, I apologized to the housekeeper, and she said she came in my room to check on ME. Now I'm with a non-yeller, he has his moments and so do I. But we either take a breather/time out/pause button and never yell at each other.