Any moms who took a step back from big job?

[Anonymous]

Would love to hear from any moms who took a step back from a very demanding job with long hours. I work in marketing (currently VP level) and work 50+ hour weeks and am just so burnt out and over it. Things were slow for a while during the first few months of Covid but since the end of 2020 they have picked back up and it feels like the work just never ends no matter how much time I have put in. We are consistently understaffed and the expectation is just that we will work as much as needed to get it all done. I make around $225K including bonus which is about 40% of our income so I am very hesitant to walk away from working completely because we have a comfortable lifestyle and are able to save a lot for our kids’ college.

I also like working and never wanted to be a stay at home mom. For me personally, doing my job is easier than being home with my kids full time. I have spent quite a bit of time looking for part time jobs that just don’t seem to exist in the field of marketing, and if I were to change completely to something else and get paid less than half of what I currently make for more flexibility, I want to be sure I am actually able to work much less - which is also hard to find.

Has anyone taken a step back from a big job and are you happy you did it or do you regret it? Did you stop working completely or what kind of job did you pivot to?

I really want more time with my kids but don’t know how to make it happen without walking away completely, which really isn’t the best financial decision for us.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t try to find part time; they are rare for substantive work worth doing.

Try to find somewhere with 40 work weeks. That would feel part time to you and really make a difference in your family life. Imagine leaving the office/computer at 5 pm and not thinking about work until after daycare drop off! It’s amazing.

[Anonymous]

I did the classic "law firm to government lawyer" pivot in my early 30s. It was a huge pay cut but worth it.

Then I worked my way up to a senior position and was getting burned out again by my late 30s, with no where left to go on the salary scale but ever-increasing work. I pitched, and received, a telework schedule that had me coming in once or twice a week. It required me giving up some supervisory duties, which I don't miss but which makes my resume less impressive.

I'm job hunting again now, may take a lateral if the telework package is good. I have female peers with kids who are in the same boat and have gone part time, or remained full time but wholly remote. We all want to work but we're "over" the culture of constantly doing more with less.

Anyway, there has got to be a middle ground between your current job or quitting. It might be a different role at your employer, a different schedule that includes telework or part time, or you may need to change jobs or even fields.

FYI, I am the breadwinner in our family, I earn significantly less than you, and we have a nice life in the burbs. You can take a step back and still have nice things.

[Anonymous]

I had a stressful, 55+hr/week job with good pay. I tried dropping back to PT for a while because it became too hard to manage with three kids and a husband who travels 50 percent of the time. The PT became pretty much FT during COVID, however, so I quit. I’ve been working in a school recently and I’m likely going to pursue a master’s in education. It’s a better fit for my life at this point and I’ve enjoyed being around kids and not sitting at a desk all day. I made good money before, but was so burned out and unhappy.

Be brave!!!

[Anonymous]

I hear you saying your employer is disrespectful of the strain of understaffing. That suggests you just need a new job.

[Anonymous]

I moved my position to part-time which was fine at first, but then it crept back up to 40+ hours/week even though I technically was only supposed to be working 25. And yet, I was still getting paid part-time wages. So I quit. I freelance for myself when I have time. I don't regret it because in order to keep advancing in my career as it was, I would have to manage large teams of people and I have zero interest (nor much skill) in doing that. I like doing the actual technical work better. Kids are still early elementary so we'll see what I decide. I kind of want to pivot to something more creative and less lucrative, but hopefully I can gain some traction because freelancing allows my spouse to lean in and make more money. All this also means we have a pretty relaxed lifestyle and I spend lots of time with my kids. Helps they are in school too.

[Anonymous]

I did my move when I was younger - in my early 30s. Off ramped for 18 months and then jumped back on. I have friends now like you though, Chief Legal Officer at a huge multinational, gave it up to raise three boys. What was initially a temporary step back is now a 4 year pause and honestly she is never getting back to where she was. She has lost the drive and aspiration for it. I know she misses it sometimes. I know another lawyer, same story. She claims she is fine and is busy enough. But doth protest too much with her. I know she is not. This move you’re going to make is a tricky one, and think through whether you’d be okay with the ultimate trade offs

[Anonymous]

I took steps back from a big job path 15 years ago when my oldest was a baby. I was a full-time associate at a DC nonprofit. After I stepped back, I have alternated between part-time jobs (50 - 60% FTE) and working as a consultant, or both.

I definitely like the work-life balance. But I make much less money -- maybe half as much -- than I might have had I climbed up the ranks. And I have fewer professional accomplishments. I see staff who were interns under me who are now the heads of big units in nonprofits and in govt, and I think, that could have been me. And I've been out so long, I don't see a feasible path back in, which is a bit scary. So I have some regrets, but I still think I made a good choice for me. My spouse is the primary earner -- this path would not have been feasible if I were a single parent.

The upside is that I am available at home a lot, and I still have some earnings and some engagement in a profession. If I compare myself to the SAHM path, I am in better shape financially and professionally. But yes, I am much less accomplished than someone who stayed at work, which makes total sense.

OP, can you do what you do as a consultant? Then you could take on a workload of your choosing. Its definitely less stable, but more flexible.

Working part-time at an org with a full-time/overtime hard-charging culture is hard. I had a salaried part-time position for several years, was paid a proportionate FTE for fewer hours worked, but people in my org seemed to see me as slacking off. Being seen as someone who mommy-tracked herself was a liability in my org. If there were an organizational culture that could view a part-timer as someone who is contracted for fewer hours and then is rightly done with their work after working those officially shorter hours (plus some unpaid overage, but not 20 hours overage, which sometimes happened), it would be more feasible.

I've had a few officially part-time jobs in other fields as my 'day job' for a stable bit of earnings, and then do some consulting on the side in my profession to engage with what I'm interested in, as a way to make it work financially. Places I have found that offered actual part-time jobs are schools or small offices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did my move when I was younger - in my early 30s. Off ramped for 18 months and then jumped back on. I have friends now like you though, Chief Legal Officer at a huge multinational, gave it up to raise three boys. What was initially a temporary step back is now a 4 year pause and honestly she is never getting back to where she was. She has lost the drive and aspiration for it. I know she misses it sometimes. I know another lawyer, same story. She claims she is fine and is busy enough. But doth protest too much with her. I know she is not. This move you’re going to make is a tricky one, and think through whether you’d be okay with the ultimate trade offs

Maybe in the long run she doesn’t care if she gets back to where she was. She has time for her boys. Not everyone lives to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did my move when I was younger - in my early 30s. Off ramped for 18 months and then jumped back on. I have friends now like you though, Chief Legal Officer at a huge multinational, gave it up to raise three boys. What was initially a temporary step back is now a 4 year pause and honestly she is never getting back to where she was. She has lost the drive and aspiration for it. I know she misses it sometimes. I know another lawyer, same story. She claims she is fine and is busy enough. But doth protest too much with her. I know she is not. This move you’re going to make is a tricky one, and think through whether you’d be okay with the ultimate trade offs

Maybe in the long run she doesn’t care if she gets back to where she was. She has time for her boys. Not everyone lives to work.

Well first you can stop projecting. And do you wake up thinking to yourself I’m doing to go be an ass on DCUM today?
Second I would say It’s not that she doesn’t Care to get back…. It’s that she is Choosing not to get back… it definitely matters to her to some degree and she does think about it and talk about it. But she is home for her boys for now. As I said it is a trade off.

[Anonymous]

I did. I highly recommend it if you can afford it. When I decided to step back at 45, we paid off our house and learned to live on DH's income. That took about a year so when I quit, we were ready. However, DH lost his job during covid so we've been spending down our cash savings (not investments or retirement) for the last year. Yes, I'm going back to work. I've been impressed with my options and most seem pretty manageable and not the do or die thing I was doing before. If you can swing some time off even, it might give you some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Don’t take part time. At your level, it won’t be part time. I tried to go 80% when my first was an infant and I never worked just 4 days. Other senior women tried to warn me it would be 80% of my normal job, not 32hrs and they were right.

A few years later I switched from client facing to back office and now I work 40-45hrs with less travel, more flexibility instead of 50-60hrs on other people’s timelines. My job is a “dead end” now in that I like my teams, but don’t want to lead the department. That’s ok, it’s a job I enjoy and can see myself spending 8-10 years doing .

[Anonymous]

Np. I was freelancing but my two contracts dried up due to covid. I was making $145 when I was salaried and nearly that as a contractor. Now interviewing for jobs that pay less (110-130). Don’t feel great about it. I feel like women are pushed into compromising career and salary growth too often. My kids are 8 and 12. The younger one has had no imperson school so it’s been helpful not to be working during covid. But I’m ready to be back. My husband makes 130. Our house payment is low but we have dreams of a better house.

[Anonymous]

Yes, was a big law attorney at a so called top firm. I stayed home with my kids for 6 years and had no trouble getting back in with a less demanding job after the time away. No regrets. Like you I was so burned out.

[Anonymous]

I have not done this personally, but did go into gov't after being a litigator and I greatly value the stability. So, a few thoughts.

You sound very either/or in your post, as in, you either continue on this path or you quit. But the realities is that you probably have lots of other options.

I agree with others that part-time at your current company won't really be part-time.

I think you need a long range plan for a transition to something else as well as just...pulling back at your own job. Are other people at your level working as much or more or is this an internal pressure? What if you just started telling your team, your clients, etc. that you aren't available after 7pm? What is YOUR value to the company, etc.? That type of evaluation may give you some clarity.

I think you should find a life coach/executive coach that will help you map out what you want to do next.

I agree with a PP that the chronic understaffing is disrespectful. If you leave you should tell them that point blank.