It is fine to make plans when someone hasn’t confirmed, right?

[Anonymous]

I have this friend who never gives a firm yes. It is always tentative. She will ask me to do something at the very last minute like when she is on the way out the door and I’m usually unavailable with no notice. Then I will throw out a date for next week and she says she will let me know. Then I try to confirm a meeting place and time and she never actually confirms.

So today we had maybe plans. I want to take my kids somewhere and it is a 2 hour drive.

I know it should be totally fine since she didn’t confirm but I feel bad like I am somehow flaking on her.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's fine.

[Anonymous]

I think you should do the thing with your kids but let her know you're not available anymore.

[Anonymous]

Yes since it is today I think you re fine to make a different plan. I would text something like. Hi Jane, sorry today did not work out for you. Hope we can get together soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes since it is today I think you re fine to make a different plan. I would text something like. Hi Jane, sorry today did not work out for you. Hope we can get together soon.

I just think it is rude to not confirm by the morning of. I actually just texted her and she said she will let me know after everyone is up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes since it is today I think you re fine to make a different plan. I would text something like. Hi Jane, sorry today did not work out for you. Hope we can get together soon.

I just think it is rude to not confirm by the morning of. I actually just texted her and she said she will let me know after everyone is up.

after everyone is up? As if she’s going to let the kids dictate the decision? Wow, very rude. I know easier said than done, but I would start using the same mantra with her, “if we can’t make firm plans today our family will have to cancel”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes since it is today I think you re fine to make a different plan. I would text something like. Hi Jane, sorry today did not work out for you. Hope we can get together soon.

I just think it is rude to not confirm by the morning of. I actually just texted her and she said she will let me know after everyone is up.

I'd appreciate knowing by xx so we can make other plans. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes since it is today I think you re fine to make a different plan. I would text something like. Hi Jane, sorry today did not work out for you. Hope we can get together soon.

I just think it is rude to not confirm by the morning of. I actually just texted her and she said she will let me know after everyone is up.

I'd appreciate knowing by xx so we can make other plans. Thanks.

That was x : xx

[Anonymous]

not to be snarky, but maybe she just doesn't want to make plans with you? if she doesn't make a firm plan with you, just don't follow up and don't show up

[Anonymous]

She is social shopping -
if nothing better comes up, she is fine getting together with you

Do what you need to do for you - do not be so needy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not to be snarky, but maybe she just doesn't want to make plans with you? if she doesn't make a firm plan with you, just don't follow up and don't show up

I don’t think this is it. Our kids get along well.

She ended up confirming a time and place so now we are getting ready to meet her.

I met her in a moms group pre Covid and she was always non commital back then too. Even if kids were in preschool, she would have to see if she wanted to clean the house or meet up for coffee. I didn’t think anything of it back then because a group was getting together and maybe she was coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is social shopping -
if nothing better comes up, she is fine getting together with you

Do what you need to do for you - do not be so needy.

I’m not needy. I don’t double book so if I think I am meeting a person, I keep the time open for that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not to be snarky, but maybe she just doesn't want to make plans with you? if she doesn't make a firm plan with you, just don't follow up and don't show up

I don’t think this is it. Our kids get along well.

She ended up confirming a time and place so now we are getting ready to meet her.

I met her in a moms group pre Covid and she was always non commital back then too. Even if kids were in preschool, she would have to see if she wanted to clean the house or meet up for coffee. I didn’t think anything of it back then because a group was getting together and maybe she was coming.

OP. Sis. So...you wanted to take your kids somewhere, but since she lowered herself to hang out with you, you scrapped the plans you had for someone who couldn’t commit to the morning of?

Seriously? You actually hang out with someone who tells you she has to decide if she wants to clean the house (or scratch her arse) vs. make plans with you? WHY?

[Anonymous]

I would have responded back and said “Hmm. Let’s just reschedule. I’ll take the kids to x today and you and I can find another time.” And going forward, firm up the plan the night before, and if she can’t commit then say you will reschedule. Don’t let her keep you hanging until the last minute. After a couple of instances, maybe she’ll get the hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not to be snarky, but maybe she just doesn't want to make plans with you? if she doesn't make a firm plan with you, just don't follow up and don't show up

I don’t think this is it. Our kids get along well.

She ended up confirming a time and place so now we are getting ready to meet her.

I met her in a moms group pre Covid and she was always non commital back then too. Even if kids were in preschool, she would have to see if she wanted to clean the house or meet up for coffee. I didn’t think anything of it back then because a group was getting together and maybe she was coming.

This is just a different personality. It's fine if it doesn't jive with your need to plan, you're just not a good match, but I wouldn't take it personally.