how to handle this behavior
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Anonymous
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I instruct child (8, has not bathed in 2 days) to take a shower before he leaves the house with DH for the afternoon. DH is still in pajamas and cooking himself lunch, no indication they will leave in less than 30 minutes. DH gets in my face, saying “Why does he have to shower? He can shower tonight.” I try to ignore and continue getting kid to the bathroom. Kid is the type to need multiple prompts. DH continues insisting on showering later, raising his voice. I raise my voice and say “Kid is showering now, period. You’re clearly not leaving immediately.”
Obviously, terrible relationship. But how do I best handle this kind of sh*t (happens on the regular) with minimum conflict? DH is frequently unreasonable about totally normal things I want to do, will absolutely dig in. |
Anonymous
| This cannot be the only thing that happened to call your marriage a “terrible relationship”. Something else is going on. I don’t see the big deal on when the kid showers. Seems like you’re digging your heels in over something trivial as a reaction to lots of other things happening in your marriage. |
Anonymous
| Is this your child, OP? |
Anonymous
| In this particular situation your spouse has plans with your child, so it’s his call. Maybe you cross boundaries without noticing. Be mindful next time. |
Anonymous
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I'm on Team Dad with regard to not needing to shower. An 8 year old can get away with it for several days.
However, he shouldn't be questioning you in front of the kid. United front and all that. As the kid gets older, he will play the two of you off each other to get what he wants. |
Anonymous
| Suggestion: sit down on Friday evening and talk about the weekend and what needs to happen. Expectations. Chores. Trips. |
Anonymous
to give a little more information: at that moment, spouse was actually doing nothing at all to get out of the house. Spouse also leaves all details like overseeing hygeine and daily routine to me. eg I do every bedtime and morning, and work on other routines for child, who has likely ADHD. I agree that if they had beem walking out the door it would be a different issue. but at that moment - he was not doing anything with DS. (and, they still haven’t left.) |
Anonymous
he literally would refuse to do this. and he doesn’t do chores other than garbage and dishes. (currently 2 days of dishes in kitchen.) |
Anonymous
more information: kid is close to 9 and has BO. |
Anonymous
also why does it matter if I tell kid to shower when DH isn’t doing anything? |
Anonymous
That’s annoying  counseling? Are you happy with him? In love?
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Anonymous
yes! |
Anonymous
no, of course not. just trying to minimize damage on way to divorce. this kind of random thing happens frequently enough that I could see it happening when coparenting. what I wish he would understand is that it’s just so meaningless - why does he have to get involved at all? |
Anonymous
| Sounds like H and kid have ADHd or ASD. 8 or 9 yo absolutely have BO and greasy hair unless curly. My ASD H is so out of it he let DC have a shower with no soap and she still stinks. Neither thought to get or ask for soap back in there. |
Anonymous
OMG this sounds like my husband. He would give kids baths but not “do” anything beyond fill the tub and play on his phone. More than once the kid who had just taken a bath would stink and have mud and food on his face when I went into read a story. I was so pissed. |