Can we all agree?

[Anonymous]

A male coach texting a young female player about non team information is bad? Inform the girls, check on injuries maybe but daily texts about reminding them how special they are or reminding a young female player how important it is “we stick together” is just inappropriate. I can’t tell my daughter how to avoid certain types of men if a coach does it and she is pressured to accept it.

This is a process called “grooming” and it invokes control and dominance. Probing to look for the boundary. Happens when a coach also pulls a girl aside at team sessions or games with their arm on their shoulder. It’s a difficult conversation to have with the coach and even harder to tell a player to control these things.

[Anonymous]

+ we made our daughter block the coach and communicate through us

[Anonymous]

Agree. This is inappropriate behavior and should be reported to the club.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you already know your answer. Talk to your coach or director.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A male coach texting a young female player about non team information is bad? Inform the girls, check on injuries maybe but daily texts about reminding them how special they are or reminding a young female player how important it is “we stick together” is just inappropriate. I can’t tell my daughter how to avoid certain types of men if a coach does it and she is pressured to accept it.

This is a process called “grooming” and it invokes control and dominance. Probing to look for the boundary. Happens when a coach also pulls a girl aside at team sessions or games with their arm on their shoulder. It’s a difficult conversation to have with the coach and even harder to tell a player to control these things.

I would agree with everything except the bolded.

I don't see why, when you explained to your kid why you pulled them off the team, you didn't explain it.

[Anonymous]

I would text back on my DD's phone that I am her father and that I monitor all of her texts and communications daily. If coach wants to communicate with my daughter he should be aware that I am reading all of the messages. And I would remark that he really needs to keep all communications about team business.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the texting part, but arm on shoulder? I think I have seen that from every coach we've ever had, male or female.

[Anonymous]

You have to protect your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the texting part, but arm on shoulder? I think I have seen that from every coach we've ever had, male or female.

I agree on that one but the arm came after a few weeks of texting. Groomers are always inching into what they are allowed to do. I think you guys are right, we need to tell the club.

The behavior is unsettling as is other aspects

[Anonymous]

The worst part is this person probably took safesport.
https://www.usyouthsoccer.org/safesport/

[Anonymous]

Don’t put your kids email and phone number in TeamSnap, and make sure your kid doesn’t either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the texting part, but arm on shoulder? I think I have seen that from every coach we've ever had, male or female.

I agree on that one but the arm came after a few weeks of texting. Groomers are always inching into what they are allowed to do. I think you guys are right, we need to tell the club.

The behavior is unsettling as is other aspects

Please tell the club. Grooming works because it identifies kids with parents who aren’t aware of what’s happening. You protected your daughter, which is fantastic, and now you can protect others too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the texting part, but arm on shoulder? I think I have seen that from every coach we've ever had, male or female.

I agree on that one but the arm came after a few weeks of texting. Groomers are always inching into what they are allowed to do. I think you guys are right, we need to tell the club.

The behavior is unsettling as is other aspects

Please tell the club. Grooming works because it identifies kids with parents who aren’t aware of what’s happening. You protected your daughter, which is fantastic, and now you can protect others too.

don't stop at the club. At a minimum add in VYSA/MSYSA. I'd strongly consider the police too

[Anonymous]

Similar situation happens to my DS with a certain TD who is still working. He was fired from one club but managed to get a position at another. I think the poster who suggested sending a text to the coach saying you’re monitoring their conversation is a great idea. If it still doesn’t stop I would suggest printing out the conversations and handing them to leadership. It’s sick how people you trust with your children would take advantage of their vulnerability. I hope this situation stops for you soon.

[Anonymous]

I thought they got rid of that guy. But, then he turned up at another club that had no idea why they other one let him go....sigh.