My kindergarten kid hasn't made any school friends

[Anonymous]

It's tough, going into summer, that she hasn't made any friends from her class. She says that the kids just don't understand her, and don't like the same things that she does. She told me that she mostly plays by herself, and it's breaking my heart.

She doesn't seem unhappy, per se, but I think it makes her feel self conscious that other kids are making connections and she's not.

Tell me I'm worrying too much about this and it's going to be just fine.

[Anonymous]

Did you read this thread? https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/976342.page

[Anonymous]

I hadn't read it but that's definitely helpful. It seems that many of the kids went to the same preschool and then joined a bunch of teams together, so she feels iced out in that way. I think it's just something that time will remedy and I need to land the helicopter.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. She will find her true buddy in time. Can she bring some items to recess? Mini soccer ball, basketball, whatever kindergarten girls might want to play with as a group as an ice breaker?

[Anonymous]

My K DD didn’t either and I was sad. She had friends from my moms group though so still did things with them. She was very much a tomboy but was kind of shunned by the boys and didn’t fit with the girls. In first grade though it all changed though and she found her people. They were less divided by gender for whatever reason and she made good male and female friends. It’s ok to be sad OP but know that she may find her people next year.

[Anonymous]

My kids say it’s difficulty with distancing and masks to connect with people more than superficially. Maybe less of an issue for that age (mine are tweens). But if hybrid - that’s half the kids and remote limiting. If there is only 10 kids in class it’s easy to not connect with anyone.

I would join some local groups, maybe you can connect with other moms this summer with kids in her grade that were in other classes this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's tough, going into summer, that she hasn't made any friends from her class. She says that the kids just don't understand her, and don't like the same things that she does. She told me that she mostly plays by herself, and it's breaking my heart.

She doesn't seem unhappy, per se, but I think it makes her feel self conscious that other kids are making connections and she's not.

Tell me I'm worrying too much about this and it's going to be just fine.

Has she tried to join in their games? If there are established groups, she may need to play what they want for a bit. She might be able to suggest a game of her preference in time.

My friend’s daughter never learned this - and she still has trouble making friends in middle school.

My son played with the girls because the boys got in trouble - he’s a master at hand games. He joined THEIR group, so he played what and how they play - he didn’t ask them to play football with him.

[Anonymous]

Is she responding to your questions or saying these things unprompted? I'd just be careful to not ask too much. The fact that you are asking might make her feel like she should be playing with kids more and make her self conscience.

[Anonymous]

How could she? They’ve been remote almost all year, and now socially distant. Any existing friendships between classmates were formed long ago before K started.

Hopefully next year will be back to normal. I’m sure she’ll make friends then.

[Anonymous]

It’s such a weird year - is she going to camp or playing tee ball or something? I’d try to find some normal activities outside of school

[Anonymous]

I'd ask the teacher. They often have a clearer sense of what is happening than the version you are getting from your kiddo. K is really young to make great friends, and the kids are coming out of a crazy year. I'd sit on my worries until next year, at the least!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd ask the teacher. They often have a clearer sense of what is happening than the version you are getting from your kiddo. K is really young to make great friends, and the kids are coming out of a crazy year. I'd sit on my worries until next year, at the least!

This is a good idea. The teacher may be able to provide some insight, though they are usually not there in the times when the kids are socializing (lunch, recess). But it's a start.

[Anonymous]

Can you reach out to the parents? My DD is in K and we'd been doing a rotating 4 girl outside playdate during DL to give the kids a social outlet/actually get them to bond with a few other kids in their class (which helped with DL resistance too)... A few weeks in, another mom reached out to one of the moms of our group noting that her kid was really struggling with the isolation, so we made it 5 girls. Now that our kids are back in DL, there is no question that the playdates have helped ease the transition and given them a friend base. One of the girls is my kid's BFF, but the others are just girls she always feels comfortable asking to play with.

[Anonymous]

Many local activities -- soccer teams, girl scouts -- are divided up by school. Pick a few that she likes and she'll meet people that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many local activities -- soccer teams, girl scouts -- are divided up by school. Pick a few that she likes and she'll meet people that way.

I was one of those kids with three left feet and always chosen last. However, I was a bookworm and would frequently read during recess. There was another kid just like me so we became Friends. It turned out he had a natural talent for dancing and taught me to dance with my three left feet. It is hard but praise her for her talents. She will find her friends.