Kindergarten friendships during Covid

[Anonymous]

My kindergartener is in MCPS and started back to in person school in March. Each day, I ask him who he played with or what he did at recess. It sounds like he is mostly by himself at recess, digging in dirt or burying treasures. I have asked if there are any kids he would like to invite for a play date, but he can’t think of anyone. I have asked his teacher how he is doing socially, and she has no concerns and says he plays well with other kids and that the recess monitor says he is always playing with at least one other kid. I asked if he wants to have a birthday party this year, but he said he would rather have a party with his grandparents.

I can only imagine how strange it is to make friends while socially distanced and masked, but I worry about his apparent lack of friendships. My older son had lots of friends and play dates in kindergarten.

He doesn’t seem to mind or care. His best friend is his older brother, and he always plays well with my other son’s friends. This is more my problem than his, I know that, but should I be concerned that he hasn’t made any friends that he wants to have over?

[Anonymous]

I’m a para in McPs and I cover Kindergarten recess. Some kids just float between groups and seem to have fun with whomever they’re playing with! He sounds happy and the teachers would tell you otherwise, so I wouldn’t worry about it. Just enjoy the low key birthday with grandma——it won’t last forever

[Anonymous]

Let him be. This has been a SHOCKING time period for all of us. Being back at school is probably overwhelming. Drop the badgering about who he's playing with and getting play dates set up. Let him have a grandparent birthday.

Maybe in the fall you can volunteer at school one day and see who he's laughing with, who seeks him out, etc., and then pursue playdates with THOSE kids.

[Anonymous]

I have a first grader, but his experience is similar. He at least had part of a normal kindergarten year last year, but he didn't make tight enough friends to last through a year of remote school. He is back now but also kind of plays by himself or whoever's around. He seems happy. He has like one close friend with whom he bonded over a love of dinosaurs. Sometimes they zoom together. Otherwise that's it. I think I'm just going to leave it alone; I think friendships will come back gradually as normal life for kids does.

[Anonymous]

My kindergartener went back in February. I think it took about two months, but he’s finally talking about a consistent group he plays with. I wouldn’t worry too much. New school, masks, social distancing, and almost a year home. I think it’s hard for them.

[Anonymous]

I have given up on K friendships. Why bother with kids that probably won’t be in his class after the next three weeks anyway? We have family friends for the summer and he can make friends in first.

Your kid isn’t sad or showing signs of difficult that would require intervention. There is no problem.

[Anonymous]

If you talk to his teacher, she'll tel you all the kids he plays with and things he does. Kids this age are NOT reliable narrators.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you talk to his teacher, she'll tel you all the kids he plays with and things he does. Kids this age are NOT reliable narrators.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kindergartener is in MCPS and started back to in person school in March. Each day, I ask him who he played with or what he did at recess. It sounds like he is mostly by himself at recess, digging in dirt or burying treasures. I have asked if there are any kids he would like to invite for a play date, but he can’t think of anyone. I have asked his teacher how he is doing socially, and she has no concerns and says he plays well with other kids and that the recess monitor says he is always playing with at least one other kid. I asked if he wants to have a birthday party this year, but he said he would rather have a party with his grandparents.

I can only imagine how strange it is to make friends while socially distanced and masked, but I worry about his apparent lack of friendships. My older son had lots of friends and play dates in kindergarten.

He doesn’t seem to mind or care. His best friend is his older brother, and he always plays well with my other son’s friends. This is more my problem than his, I know that, but should I be concerned that he hasn’t made any friends that he wants to have over?

You have described my DS to a T! Try not to worry too much. I tried to force my DH to go to playdates and was basically engineering his social life until one day he aske me to stop arranging social activities. He's in 5th and gets along with everyone but likes a small circle. He has 2 really great friends that share his same interests and he's very content this way.

[Anonymous]

When kids hang out in K they are not really friends in the true sense of the word. They just play together. First friendships form around 8 or 9. Don’t pressure your kid. Theyre fine.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of kids at that age are in their own world and happy to do their own thing during down time. Sounds totally normal.

[Anonymous]

OP here, this is all so helpful. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

When my second grader was in K, he kept saying he didn't have any friends but his teacher and the counselor said he always played with other kids just didn't have a tight 1 or 2 friends.

He had a really hard time articulating what it meant to be a friend unless someone walked up to him and confirmed yes, this is a friendship. He still is very literal.

I was so worried at the time but then one day when he told me that he didn't play with anyone at recess, the girl standing next to him at pick up chimed in and said yes, he played soccer with her. And he was like, oh yeah, that happened.

Trust the teacher on this one.

[Anonymous]

I would have a backyard party and invite the whole class. Nice way for you and your kid to meet people.

My friend had a party back in September and invited their class. A few kids came even though they never even met in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have a backyard party and invite the whole class. Nice way for you and your kid to meet people.

My friend had a party back in September and invited their class. A few kids came even though they never even met in real life.

I went to the best backyard K party a week ago. There was a slip and slide, bounce house, piñata and good humor type wrapped ice cream. It was all outside, so the kids and adults took off their masks. There were coolers with drinks for adults. This party felt like a miracle. I’m so grateful.