Rising 5th grader still hasn't asked about sex or puberty

[Anonymous]

DH always requested that we not talk to DS until he asked questions. He never has. Not even the usual where did I come from questions when he was younger. Is this odd?

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to your son. This is not negotiable. You want to be the one guiding the conversation, not the Internet or friends.

[Anonymous]

No, he knows (or thinks he knows) by now. We told our kids the summer before 2nd grade because we knew rumors were already going around school and we wanted her to know the truth first. Sorry, but dh’s approach is not good parenting.

[Anonymous]

By this time I'm sure the basics have been covered in school. My kids have never wanted to talk about it but I knew from school info when those topics were covered and asked if they had any questions.

[Anonymous]

Your DH's plan is a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

What’s odd is this approach. You should always be ahead of the game and keep the communication lines open so your children feel free to come to you with questions. Most schools provide reproduction education in fourth and fifth grade. DH just wants to wait for the school nurse to tell him? This is so bizarre in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Tell him once. Explain that it need never be discussed again. Your DH is tacitly agreeing to let your DS be educated by porn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, he knows (or thinks he knows) by now. We told our kids the summer before 2nd grade because we knew rumors were already going around school and we wanted her to know the truth first. Sorry, but dh’s approach is not good parenting.

+1 he already knows and hasn’t mentioned it to you because you didn’t have any communication lines open for him to do so.

[Anonymous]

I would never have asked my parents these type of questions. I was so uncomfortable discussing things like that with them. It doesn't mean I was unaware or that I wasn't learning things from my friends!

[Anonymous]

That was a reasonable plan when he was 3. But there comes a point where it's past time, and you have to start the conversation, and that point was about five years ago. At this point, I am 100% confident that he has gotten all this information from people who are not you, it may not be entirely accurate, it didn't reflect your values, and it probably wasn't coming from people who had his best interest at heart. You dropped the ball.

You need to dive in on these conversations now. ASAP. He's still young enough that you have SOME chance to make an impression and in a year or two, even that hope fades.

[Anonymous]

MCPS and other schools have a health class where such topics are broached, OP, usually starting in 5th grade.

For my very inattentive but book-loving son, whom we couldn't really trust to pay attention in class, we bought an excellent Usborne book about puberty in both girls and boys and reproductive information, which I believe is not published anymore. What I appreciated about that particular book is that unlike most puberty books today, it had information on both sexes, which is really critical to children's understanding. We are scientists and doctors, and can discuss all biological aspects in depth, but it was still very helpful to have images and explanations he could read on his own. I highly recommend finding a good book to help guide you in your conversation.

My daughter is now in 5th grade and paid close attention in class but didn't have many questions for us.

The truth is that there is a wide range of normal when it comes to puberty in children, their interest in the topic, and their own hormonal and physical development. We are a family of very late bloomers! But I know some kids who develop very early and have the interest that goes with it.

You know your child best, OP. Go at the pace you feel is right for your family.

[Anonymous]

Good grief. My kids would have never asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never have asked my parents these type of questions. I was so uncomfortable discussing things like that with them. It doesn't mean I was unaware or that I wasn't learning things from my friends!

Same.

[Anonymous]

My two kids never asked any questions either but we still sat them down and discussed puberty and sex. It's better for kids to get the information from their parents rather than the internet and friends.

[Anonymous]

He hasn't asked because 1) kids don't always feel comfortable asking their parents about stuff like this, and 2) he probably thinks he knows everything there is to know from his friends/health class/the internet.

Trust me, the internet and his fellow 5th grade boys are NOT where you want him getting his information. Even if you still restrict his internet access, I guarantee that's where most of his friends are getting their information anyway! And I'm sure he and his close friends are nice boys who would NEVER, but the kids on the bus, or at his lunch table, or on his soccer team, may very well be showing him porn on their phones before too long.

You gotta get in there NOW and correct any misinformation, and start guiding him in ways that fit your family's values. There's the basic mechanics, and there's the reality of becoming a young man in today's world. You can't wait until the horse is out of the barn to talk about all this.