Rising 5th grader still hasn't asked about sex or puberty

[Anonymous]

He knows. Mine never asked. DS found out a lot of details in early elementary from older kids in his aftercare program. I didn’t know until years later. His friends we’re definitely talking about girls and sex by 5th grade, more in a silly goofy way than anything serious. We had many talks around 5th and 6th but it was often after we would overhear something inappropriate or too graphic in their conversations. Discussions about sex are ongoing and change over the years.

[Anonymous]

Uh don’t they talk about it at school? Pretty sure my son had some type of sex Ed in 3rd or 4th and again in 5th. He asked me what puberty was like as part of a school assignment and I told him basically you start smelling bad growing hair and wanting to have sex with girls every single minute of your life. 1-2 years later (mid 5th grade) I looked at his search history (actually my wife did) and found all kinds of FBI worthy porn searches. I told him try not to do that too much and don’t search “kids porn sites” anymore. Not sure how your kids missed part of the curriculum that I think every kid gets??

[Anonymous]

Definitely talk to him before he starts 5th grade! Fifth grade is a whole different ballgame from the rest of elementary school. There will be an explosion of cursing and sexual innuendo among the kids. This is when they really start pushing boundaries. The kids who don’t get jokes about sexual terms can be laughed at. It’s very important that you not only teach him the basics of puberty, sex, reproduction, STIs, healthy relationships, consent, etc., but that you’ve taught him about good/bad touch, red flags to look for, what to do if anyone wants to do things that make him uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Have you checked his internet search history?

Does he routinely search for bikinis and any kind of anime or manga? If so, he knows.

[Anonymous]

My parents tried to talk to me in 5th grade and I remember laughing at them and how late they were.

[Anonymous]

DS probably already thinks he knows OP. Talk to him now before it's too late.

[Anonymous]

Your DH’s approach has taught your son that those subjects are not to be discussed. Kids pick up on anxiety around topics. Bad on many levels - son needs to get accurate, honest info at home rather than street type teaching and urban legends. Son needs to be able to come to you if he is groomed or molested - he certainly won’t with this topic a no-go at home. Why does your husband do this? Does he think he’s protecting the son’s innocence in some manner? He’s actually allowing the son to be groomed/a victim of a sexual predator because the son lacks accurate info/names and words to use, and would not raise the topic at home.

[Anonymous]

I really hope you don’t take this approach (wait till he asks) with regard to drugs and alcohol usage as well.

[Anonymous]

OP I also have a rising 5th grader and just last night we went on a walk so I could have, at least part of, the talk. There were a few things I started saying where he was not interested at all and quickly tried to change the subject, which leads me to believe he knows more than he's letting on. Or, he really is not interested at all. I'm not sure, but either way we're going to have this discussion over the summer. I do not want him starting 5th grade with no (or wrong) info, when I know nearly all the kids have cell phones and access to porn at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh don’t they talk about it at school? Pretty sure my son had some type of sex Ed in 3rd or 4th and again in 5th. He asked me what puberty was like as part of a school assignment and I told him basically you start smelling bad growing hair and wanting to have sex with girls every single minute of your life. 1-2 years later (mid 5th grade) I looked at his search history (actually my wife did) and found all kinds of FBI worthy porn searches. I told him try not to do that too much and don’t search “kids porn sites” anymore. Not sure how your kids missed part of the curriculum that I think every kid gets??

OMG the memories. We had a serious talk with DH about that when we found the search “naked girls.” He was around 5th grade too.

[Anonymous]

^That should read DS. Definitely not my husband!

[Anonymous]

And you listened to your DH on this? <smh> As a PP said, your and DH’s approach has taught your son that those subjects are not to be discussed. What kids learn in school isn't enough to prepare them for relationships - and that's what you want your DS to have, right, a relationship and not just a sexual one, right? The mechanic of sex are easy enough to learn about but sexual health should be a subject of lifelong health. These are conversations that should be happening on a regular basis as sexual situations are encountered. You want your kids to be comfortable coming to you when they have questions, concerns or problems, don't you?

I've got 3 kids and the oldest boy is 18. The topics may be uncomfortable for my kids sometimes (and me, if I'm honest, but I don't let that show) but because of all the passive listening they did to me on this (and on drugs and rock n roll), they've fairly well educated on sex and comfortable coming to me and DH with issues.

[Anonymous]

I remember learning a bunch about sex on the playground in second grade.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand these types of parents.

One of my 5th grader’s friend’s mom claimed her son knew nothing, didn’t ask, was just happy playing in the dirt.

Naive. Ridiculous.

Either you tell them or they figure it out on their own and piece it together from what they see on the internet and hear from friends.

[Anonymous]

Same boat .