Jen Hatmaker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jane Capstitcher needs an Instagram page asap! These DC Urban Moms are going to shut our page down eventually. Lol.

I read a lot. A lot. And Jane’s posts are the best things I’ve read lately.

If you are not already a published writer, I’d be shocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jane Capstitcher needs an Instagram page asap! These DC Urban Moms are going to shut our page down eventually. Lol.

I read a lot. A lot. And Jane’s posts are the best things I’ve read lately.

If you are not already a published writer, I’d be shocked.

Same. I read somewhere in the vicinity of 150 books a year and I know good writing when I see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jane Capstitcher needs an Instagram page asap! These DC Urban Moms are going to shut our page down eventually. Lol.

I read a lot. A lot. And Jane’s posts are the best things I’ve read lately.

If you are not already a published writer, I’d be shocked.

Same. I read somewhere in the vicinity of 150 books a year and I know good writing when I see it.

I was in the biz. Who’s writing this stuff has real chops and a voice. Bravo. Keep it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jane Capstitcher needs an Instagram page asap! These DC Urban Moms are going to shut our page down eventually. Lol.

I read a lot. A lot. And Jane’s posts are the best things I’ve read lately.

If you are not already a published writer, I’d be shocked.

Same. I read somewhere in the vicinity of 150 books a year and I know good writing when I see it.

I was in the biz. Who’s writing this stuff has real chops and a voice. Bravo. Keep it up.

Whats ironic is that the satire of Jane Capstitcher is way more sharp, insightful, and elegant than anything the target had ever been able to “curate”.

[Anonymous]

Help me understand how a student could have signed a lease for a place near his college for the fall semester and ends up frantically searching for a replacement less than 2 month before school starts. Did he drop out of school suddenly?

[Anonymous]

Ashli/Ashley/Mandi, I love you!

Also, the packaging wrinkles on the Able dress made me want to scream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand how a student could have signed a lease for a place near his college for the fall semester and ends up frantically searching for a replacement less than 2 month before school starts. Did he drop out of school suddenly?

I wonder. Ben is one of my favorites. Maybe he wanted to be a little further away from mom

[Anonymous]

Beloveds,
TODAY IS THE DAY YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. I know, I KNOW darlings, it has been a minute since I've talked about the opportunity to go on vacation with me to the Caribbean.
SWOON. You, me, watered-down rum drinks (#NotIncludedInThePriceOfYourCruise) and a dazzling lineup of speakers, including a list of people you've literally never, ever heard of before, on one of Carnival's shittiest and oldest ships. Fear not, friends - she's still seaworthy and safe. Mostly. #YOLODarlings


There will be shenanigans and hilarity. There will be me pouring out my heart to a rapt audience (AKA a less-than-half-full theater with random boomer women in white capris with VPL wandering in and out whispering "Is this the shopping guide's presentation?" ) 


There will be sexy talk with my sexpert where we talk about sexuality because we're sexual beings, EVERY. DAMN. ONE. OF. US. There will be laughter. There will be tears. There will be CONNECTION, unless of course you happen to catch me unscripted in the hallway or something like that. Then, don't talk to me like we're actual equals. #GirlNo #Boundaries

Awkward AF dancing?! YASSS. The Dougie and Cupid Shuffle with all your ride or dies?! OF COURSE. Matching sweatshirts? SIGN ME UP. I mean...sign YOU up. Buy spend buy! It will be EV-REE-THING. EPIC!

And, of course, DJ Pawpatrol will be there for the THOUSANDS of you who have been asking. DJ Pawpatrol remembers MY TRIBE and he is sufficiently medicating himself and the word "cringe" won't be in his vocab this time. Girl Scout's Honor.

Hop on over to the LINK IN MY BIO and in my stories today and tomorrow and every day till the end of time probably or at least until Carnival's deadline passes,

If you land on the page with my image superimposed on an AI-generated generic palm tree backdrop - think Olan Mills and dream tropical getaway HAD A BABY - then you're in the right spot to GIVE ME YOUR MONEY. Err...register. Tra la la. 

Also, SO MANY OF YOU have asked me about how you can replicate my hair color and unfortunately, it's a custom blend of butterbatch and mellow chickenbeak up top and spiced sludge on the underlayer but there just might be a new MeCourse about how to achieve my curated processed lewk in your near future so stay tuned. #HairWithJane

And, for those of you who have asked if @THETREVORBARRETTPROJECT is going to be on the boat, you'll just have to wait and see, darlings. WAIT. AND. SEE. Our teams are working on it as we speak. BTW, did you see his HILARIOUS AND SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS NEW MERCH about voting cat ladies? Hop on over to his Instagram feed - it's the post where I commented "Baby" with two emojis, which is girlcode for "THIS MAN IS MINE."
Register darlings! Tag your people! I can't wait to sail with you. 

[Anonymous]

DJ Paw Patrol!!!! Hahahahahahaha!

Darling Scribe, I love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Beloveds,
TODAY IS THE DAY YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. I know, I KNOW darlings, it has been a minute since I've talked about the opportunity to go on vacation with me to the Caribbean.
SWOON. You, me, watered-down rum drinks (#NotIncludedInThePriceOfYourCruise) and a dazzling lineup of speakers, including a list of people you've literally never, ever heard of before, on one of Carnival's shittiest and oldest ships. Fear not, friends - she's still seaworthy and safe. Mostly. #YOLODarlings


There will be shenanigans and hilarity. There will be me pouring out my heart to a rapt audience (AKA a less-than-half-full theater with random boomer women in white capris with VPL wandering in and out whispering "Is this the shopping guide's presentation?" ) 


There will be sexy talk with my sexpert where we talk about sexuality because we're sexual beings, EVERY. DAMN. ONE. OF. US. There will be laughter. There will be tears. There will be CONNECTION, unless of course you happen to catch me unscripted in the hallway or something like that. Then, don't talk to me like we're actual equals. #GirlNo #Boundaries

Awkward AF dancing?! YASSS. The Dougie and Cupid Shuffle with all your ride or dies?! OF COURSE. Matching sweatshirts? SIGN ME UP. I mean...sign YOU up. Buy spend buy! It will be EV-REE-THING. EPIC!

And, of course, DJ Pawpatrol will be there for the THOUSANDS of you who have been asking. DJ Pawpatrol remembers MY TRIBE and he is sufficiently medicating himself and the word "cringe" won't be in his vocab this time. Girl Scout's Honor.

Hop on over to the LINK IN MY BIO and in my stories today and tomorrow and every day till the end of time probably or at least until Carnival's deadline passes,

If you land on the page with my image superimposed on an AI-generated generic palm tree backdrop - think Olan Mills and dream tropical getaway HAD A BABY - then you're in the right spot to GIVE ME YOUR MONEY. Err...register. Tra la la. 

Also, SO MANY OF YOU have asked me about how you can replicate my hair color and unfortunately, it's a custom blend of butterbatch and mellow chickenbeak up top and spiced sludge on the underlayer but there just might be a new MeCourse about how to achieve my curated processed lewk in your near future so stay tuned. #HairWithJane

And, for those of you who have asked if @THETREVORBARRETTPROJECT is going to be on the boat, you'll just have to wait and see, darlings. WAIT. AND. SEE. Our teams are working on it as we speak. BTW, did you see his HILARIOUS AND SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS NEW MERCH about voting cat ladies? Hop on over to his Instagram feed - it's the post where I commented "Baby" with two emojis, which is girlcode for "THIS MAN IS MINE."
Register darlings! Tag your people! I can't wait to sail with you. 

This is pure brilliant satire. 100% pitch perfect. I read it to my bestie on the phone catching up as we both know JH from back in the day. I had her rolling.

[Anonymous]

This

You, me, watered-down rum drinks (#NotIncludedInThePriceOfYourCruise) and a dazzling lineup of speakers, including a list of people you've literally never, ever heard of before, on one of Carnival's shittiest and oldest ships. Fear not, friends - she's still seaworthy and safe. Mostly. #YOLODarlings

Had me in stitches.

This sounds like sheer hell for all involved.

Why would anyone do this?

Host it or attend it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This

You, me, watered-down rum drinks (#NotIncludedInThePriceOfYourCruise) and a dazzling lineup of speakers, including a list of people you've literally never, ever heard of before, on one of Carnival's shittiest and oldest ships. Fear not, friends - she's still seaworthy and safe. Mostly. #YOLODarlings

Had me in stitches.

This sounds like sheer hell for all involved.

Why would anyone do this?

Host it or attend it?

someone needs to take one for the team and sign up and report back.

[Anonymous]

Jen’s “squad” is a bunch of retreads from last year, it appears. And even then no one ever heard of them. The sexpert speaker seems like a wall to wall cringe fest. I am so embarrassed by this.

This is Jen’s career now.

Meanwhile Joanna Gaines has continued to build an empire while preserving her dignity.

[Anonymous]

this satire is THE Best

[Anonymous]

Jen must read this and immediately throw a wine glass at the wall and go into a rage fest.

It’s so on point and savage.