Why is my 2 year old so angry all the time

[Anonymous]

My 2 year old DD has always been intense with really big emotions. Lately it has been next level. It seems like she screams the entire time she's awake. If she's not screaming she's whining. Normal toddler stuff like she asks for apple sauce, I give it to her and it's a meltdown "I said no applesauce" but dialed up to an 11 and lasts for 30 minutes. Then she calms down till the next issue.
She won't nap, we get a nap maybe once a week. She sleeps about 11 hours at night. Her diet has become increasingly limited. We always offer a safe food with meals and she only eats that.

She isn't willful or stubborn (I read that other thread carefully) more just...so angry. All the time. I don't know what to do anymore. I try to be as compassionate as I can. I don't yell. We don't do timeouts (maybe we should?) but by the end of the day I'm just battered down.

We also have an 11 month old baby but he honestly gets barely any attention because she takes up so much of it.

Where should I start? Could this be anxiety? Is it just the age?

[Anonymous]

Is she on a schedule with built in afternoon quiet time (regardless of whether or not she naps). Quiet time happens in the same place (preferably her room) in an organized, dark, calm setting that is soothing. Think Maria Montessori. Toys put away, nice cozy bed, maybe a little basket of books for her to flip through, a few favorite stuffies on the bed, soothing sound machine on low. 2 hrs after lunch.

13 hrs of awake time sounds like A LOT of stimulation. She could be overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

I always start with food. When my kids are run down they will also start craving quick sugars like carbs and fruit. Then the cycle gets worse. What they need are fats and proteins. I find giving them a meal of steak really helps. Also, when my kids go through picky phases, I cut out the extra foods served if they refuse to eat the healthy portion (meats and vegetable). I’ll serve them only one thing. They’ll fuss for a bit or refuse and be miserable, but we get back on course within a day or two if I don’t give in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she on a schedule with built in afternoon quiet time (regardless of whether or not she naps). Quiet time happens in the same place (preferably her room) in an organized, dark, calm setting that is soothing. Think Maria Montessori. Toys put away, nice cozy bed, maybe a little basket of books for her to flip through, a few favorite stuffies on the bed, soothing sound machine on low. 2 hrs after lunch.

13 hrs of awake time sounds like A LOT of stimulation. She could be overwhelmed.

Yeah. I didn't even really get into her sleep issues but she's never slept. After lunch we read stories and she knows she has to sit in her room for quiet time. She can get in and out of bed. Low lighting, white noise. She screams at the door the entire time. Once or twice a week she'll pass out on the floor. I know she's chronically underslept but the fact that she's sleeping at night is HUGE for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always start with food. When my kids are run down they will also start craving quick sugars like carbs and fruit. Then the cycle gets worse. What they need are fats and proteins. I find giving them a meal of steak really helps. Also, when my kids go through picky phases, I cut out the extra foods served if they refuse to eat the healthy portion (meats and vegetable). I’ll serve them only one thing. They’ll fuss for a bit or refuse and be miserable, but we get back on course within a day or two if I don’t give in.

This is helpful thank you. She is definitely going through a carb phase right now. What do you do if they flat out refuse to eat?

[Anonymous]

1, 2, 3 Magic. I mean that book is seriously magic! If you follow the instruction and stick to it.

[Anonymous]

My child with anxiety was like that.

[Anonymous]

Keep working on the sleep. My kids are like that when they are exhausted.

Will she nap in the car?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she on a schedule with built in afternoon quiet time (regardless of whether or not she naps). Quiet time happens in the same place (preferably her room) in an organized, dark, calm setting that is soothing. Think Maria Montessori. Toys put away, nice cozy bed, maybe a little basket of books for her to flip through, a few favorite stuffies on the bed, soothing sound machine on low. 2 hrs after lunch.

13 hrs of awake time sounds like A LOT of stimulation. She could be overwhelmed.

Yeah. I didn't even really get into her sleep issues but she's never slept. After lunch we read stories and she knows she has to sit in her room for quiet time. She can get in and out of bed. Low lighting, white noise. She screams at the door the entire time. Once or twice a week she'll pass out on the floor. I know she's chronically underslept but the fact that she's sleeping at night is HUGE for us.

It’s the sleep. Hire a sleep consultant ASAP. When (most) kids get over tired chronically, they not only act like terrible humans but they CANNOT wind down to fall asleep properly. Sounds like your kid at nap time. Sleep sleep sleep! Spend the money and good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always start with food. When my kids are run down they will also start craving quick sugars like carbs and fruit. Then the cycle gets worse. What they need are fats and proteins. I find giving them a meal of steak really helps. Also, when my kids go through picky phases, I cut out the extra foods served if they refuse to eat the healthy portion (meats and vegetable). I’ll serve them only one thing. They’ll fuss for a bit or refuse and be miserable, but we get back on course within a day or two if I don’t give in.

This is helpful thank you. She is definitely going through a carb phase right now. What do you do if they flat out refuse to eat?

I really will eliminate the carb options. Like we won’t have them in the house/an option to the kid. So keep serving an alternative. Here’s scrambled eggs, bacon, or sausage. Don’t ask just serve them. It can be at snack time, doesn’t have to be meals if she’s in the habit of refusing things at mealtime.

If you are serving her grains like rice or quinoa, add tons of butter or coconut oil, some nuts, crumbled bacon or beans. I load my kids oats with unsweetened coconut flakes, egg yolk, ground flaxseed, nuts or nut butter.

Not saying this will solve everything, but well nourished (and we’ll rested of course) kids are in such a better place to work with on behavioral things.

[Anonymous]

When she is awake, run her ragged. Literally run her around -- walk to the park, play at the park, walk her home. If you can't get to the park, run around the yard with balls, bubbles, the dog, whatever you can find. Exhaust her so she's tired enough to sleep and hungry enough to eat what you offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1, 2, 3 Magic. I mean that book is seriously magic! If you follow the instruction and stick to it.

If you polled a group parents whose children eventually turned out to have special needs, I think you would hear a different answer. For some kids, 123 Magic doesn't cut it. But I agree that if you already have consistency and a good eating/sleeping routine, it's a good place to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she on a schedule with built in afternoon quiet time (regardless of whether or not she naps). Quiet time happens in the same place (preferably her room) in an organized, dark, calm setting that is soothing. Think Maria Montessori. Toys put away, nice cozy bed, maybe a little basket of books for her to flip through, a few favorite stuffies on the bed, soothing sound machine on low. 2 hrs after lunch.

13 hrs of awake time sounds like A LOT of stimulation. She could be overwhelmed.

Yeah. I didn't even really get into her sleep issues but she's never slept. After lunch we read stories and she knows she has to sit in her room for quiet time. She can get in and out of bed. Low lighting, white noise. She screams at the door the entire time. Once or twice a week she'll pass out on the floor. I know she's chronically underslept but the fact that she's sleeping at night is HUGE for us.

It’s the sleep. Hire a sleep consultant ASAP. When (most) kids get over tired chronically, they not only act like terrible humans but they CANNOT wind down to fall asleep properly. Sounds like your kid at nap time. Sleep sleep sleep! Spend the money and good luck!

Oh man. We have spent THOUSANDS on sleep consultants at this point. I agree it's the sleep, but we have given up. We know it's how she's wired and not environmental because my son sleeps 16 hours a day, never needed to be sleep or nap trained. Sometimes I wonder if there's something medically wrong with her preventing her from sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she is awake, run her ragged. Literally run her around -- walk to the park, play at the park, walk her home. If you can't get to the park, run around the yard with balls, bubbles, the dog, whatever you can find. Exhaust her so she's tired enough to sleep and hungry enough to eat what you offer.

Thanks. Going to do this tomorrow and cut carbs for a start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she on a schedule with built in afternoon quiet time (regardless of whether or not she naps). Quiet time happens in the same place (preferably her room) in an organized, dark, calm setting that is soothing. Think Maria Montessori. Toys put away, nice cozy bed, maybe a little basket of books for her to flip through, a few favorite stuffies on the bed, soothing sound machine on low. 2 hrs after lunch.

13 hrs of awake time sounds like A LOT of stimulation. She could be overwhelmed.

Yeah. I didn't even really get into her sleep issues but she's never slept. After lunch we read stories and she knows she has to sit in her room for quiet time. She can get in and out of bed. Low lighting, white noise. She screams at the door the entire time. Once or twice a week she'll pass out on the floor. I know she's chronically underslept but the fact that she's sleeping at night is HUGE for us.

It’s the sleep. Hire a sleep consultant ASAP. When (most) kids get over tired chronically, they not only act like terrible humans but they CANNOT wind down to fall asleep properly. Sounds like your kid at nap time. Sleep sleep sleep! Spend the money and good luck!

Oh man. We have spent THOUSANDS on sleep consultants at this point. I agree it's the sleep, but we have given up. We know it's how she's wired and not environmental because my son sleeps 16 hours a day, never needed to be sleep or nap trained. Sometimes I wonder if there's something medically wrong with her preventing her from sleeping.

What time are you putting her down for nap? I know you have spent thousands so at the risk of repeating something you’ve heard 100 times, move up nap/quiet time.

So like up, outside as early as you can get, back by 11. Lunch 11:15-11:45/12. Story time. Nap/quiet time by 12:15 at the latest.