Surgery failed due to an infection that won't heal, under insane stress.

[Anonymous]

I've had a very hard year, majorly traumatic sibling and parent deaths in my life seemed to trigger some major depression and anxiety in me. I haven't slept more than 10 hours a week in 8 months. I usually sleep 2 hours a night. I have small children. I drink a lot of coffee and live a very busy life. Most people don't really know or understand, even though I have a lot of close friends and family, no one really can relate to my situation. I am seeing a therapist and on antidepressants and have sleeping pills as needed but they don't work.

I've had a major infection on my tooth during this. It would not heal. I think it was the stress above all. I could feel cortisol running through my veins all day long. No other way to describe it. I had to get the tooth pulled and an implant placed which was a year long traumatic process right after the deaths. X-Rays all went well through and I had my final meeting today to place the crown and it failed. Only failed case the practice has had in 4 years. They were shocked because I am young, healthy.. I'm scared it won't heal. I feel like my body is under so much stress that I can't knock no matter what I do. I was up to 2 therapy sessions a week at one point. It's nearly a molar tooth, so luckily it isn't visible, but I still really want this to be successful to place a crown. What can I do now? They removed it and will try again when the area heals and another bone graft was placed. I am on major antibiotics, but I am not feeling optimistic.

I am also in a bad place mentally so just trying to stay calm and realize this IS NOT the end of the world. People face much worse health issues, but being so exhausted and sleepless it feels like a big deal and the thought of not having that space in my mouth capped at some point makes me uneasy. Any advice? Words of wisdom?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for your loss and for your bad year. I do think that stress and cortisol can sometimes prevent healing.

For your tooth, I can tell you that I have an implant on a premolar while my brother had a molar pulled and just left the gap. Both of us are fine. So if you eventually succeed in getting an implant, that's good, but if it fails, that'll be fine too.

As the pandemic comes to an end, are your children able to go to school or to daycare? Are you getting better at returning to a more normal life? Hugs, OP.

[Anonymous]

No advice, just hugs for you, and hope that your path forward is smoother. You have sure been through the wringer. I know you’ll get through this, stupid tooth or no stupid tooth.

I promise you that this tooth will not be what breaks you. You’ve already proved you’re stronger than that.

[Anonymous]

In addition to therapy, have you tried meds? When I’m dealing with too much stress, therapy alone just doesn’t cut it and I do meds + therapy. The meds allow me to access the therapy, when I otherwise I can’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In addition to therapy, have you tried meds? When I’m dealing with too much stress, therapy alone just doesn’t cut it and I do meds + therapy. The meds allow me to access the therapy, when I otherwise I can’t.

Yes, I have tried so many and nothing seems to work. Prozac, Zoloft, Wellbutrin... it is so frustrating. I'm so overwhelmed and working so hard just to be normal.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like you are in a serious crisis. The tooth will be fine but only if you find a way to get sleep. Are you able to check yourself into a very nice rehab facility? Twice weekly therapy isn't nearly enough for you right now.

[Anonymous]

Xanax. I was you but with other health issues - working a high stress job, 1.5 hour commute, doctors appointments all the time.

I was able to see a psychiatrist and the Xanax made all the difference. I don’t take it all the time, but it helps me sleep now and I was only sleeping a couple hours a night, yet somehow always on edge. Those few extra hours of reprieve from the relentless cortisol onslaught make all the difference. Sleep meds never worked for me because I didn’t have insomnia- I had anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In addition to therapy, have you tried meds? When I’m dealing with too much stress, therapy alone just doesn’t cut it and I do meds + therapy. The meds allow me to access the therapy, when I otherwise I can’t.

Yes, I have tried so many and nothing seems to work. Prozac, Zoloft, Wellbutrin... it is so frustrating. I'm so overwhelmed and working so hard just to be normal.

So many hugs! Everyone is different, for me, SNRIs work better than SSRIs. Effexor worked best but was hell to get off of, so I will probably need to try a different one soon because my life is also going off the rails right now.

Give yourself a bit of grace though - there’s no need to be normal right now. You can be where you are and don’t need to overpower it. I know and understand the impulse to be OK or normal, but fighting to be that when you aren’t almost makes things worse (general you - I’m not judging - I do this too and have to remind myself that it’s ok to not be ok).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like you are in a serious crisis. The tooth will be fine but only if you find a way to get sleep. Are you able to check yourself into a very nice rehab facility? Twice weekly therapy isn't nearly enough for you right now.

No I can't. I have two young kids and I don't really know what they would be able to do for me except maybe catch up on sleep. I feel like I would be worried about the repercussions of doing something like that and my family (namely mother in law) judging me and lording it over my head until she dies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Xanax. I was you but with other health issues - working a high stress job, 1.5 hour commute, doctors appointments all the time.

I was able to see a psychiatrist and the Xanax made all the difference. I don’t take it all the time, but it helps me sleep now and I was only sleeping a couple hours a night, yet somehow always on edge. Those few extra hours of reprieve from the relentless cortisol onslaught make all the difference. Sleep meds never worked for me because I didn’t have insomnia- I had anxiety.

Yes! That is really the only thing that does help. I try to really only take it on occasion because my dr. warned against it being a daily thing and not during the day when I am with my kids or driving. I will sometimes take a dose in the evening after the kids are put to bed.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for your loss and to hear that you are going through this right now.

Is the reason for you not getting enough sleep that you're too busy, can't fall asleep (you're taking sleeping pills so assuming this) or both? Can you take steps to address that issue? As you know, that level of deprivation is bad for long-term health. Could you speak with a sleep specialist?

Also, the coffee is probably interfering with your ability to sleep. It may be hard to avoid it given that you are sleeping so little, but try reducing your level of consumption gradually.

For now please take care of yourself. Drink water, try to exercise and get as much sleep as you can, eat healthy food. It's also the only thing that you can do other than follow your dentists' instructions.

Please don't drive for now if you are getting 2 hours of sleep per night.

Wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like you are in a serious crisis. The tooth will be fine but only if you find a way to get sleep. Are you able to check yourself into a very nice rehab facility? Twice weekly therapy isn't nearly enough for you right now.

No I can't. I have two young kids and I don't really know what they would be able to do for me except maybe catch up on sleep. I feel like I would be worried about the repercussions of doing something like that and my family (namely mother in law) judging me and lording it over my head until she dies.

Been there, done that. To hell with the MIL. You need help now. Is your husband doing anything to support you? At a minimum, he should be telling his family to back off and providing emotional support.z

[Anonymous]

What kind of sleeping pills?

You need to get more sleep. Seriously, non-negotiable. You absolutely have to, that little sleep is slowly killing you, doing long term damage to your adrenals, and nothing about this situation will improve until you’re sleeping. You need the big guns. Xanax or ambien. No more coffee. Let MIL judge. Do whatever you can to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Are you working?

Can you take FMLA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like you are in a serious crisis. The tooth will be fine but only if you find a way to get sleep. Are you able to check yourself into a very nice rehab facility? Twice weekly therapy isn't nearly enough for you right now.

No I can't. I have two young kids and I don't really know what they would be able to do for me except maybe catch up on sleep. I feel like I would be worried about the repercussions of doing something like that and my family (namely mother in law) judging me and lording it over my head until she dies.

Catch up on sleep, now. Even if it’s just checking into a hotel. You have the stress of full time caregiving plus no sleep plus all this emotional trauma. I would stop thinking about your mother in law and think about whether you might develop an even more serious health issue if you don’t put yourself first for a period of time.

Where is your partner in all this? At minimum you need to be able to take several days off caretaking completely for the next month. Get a vaccinated babysitter (or two) and focus on yourself.