Should I intervene or leave this one alone?

[Anonymous]

At the beginning of the school year my DS10 started walking home from the bus stop with another boy, also 10, from our neighborhood. They became fast friends and since then have either played in person or chatted over Switch/FaceTime on average 6 days a week. I was occasionally driving them both to school on days the mom asked for help, I would take them to the park, etc.

Fast forward to last week, a family who hasn’t let their kids out to play since 2020 finally let them out. A bunch of neighbor kids, DS and his friend included, kind of played between yards. I watched them here and they all appeared to have a fun time. Later DSs friend’s mom told me she isn’t keen on the other family. I admit they are a little quirky but harmless. (They are a little crunchy, parents a little odd.)

Ever since that day, DS’s friend hasn’t been able to play. He’s still walking home with DS, but there is always a reason he can’t play. Even DS’s attempts to FaceTime have gone ignored. My DS says nothing happened and they all had fun. He is a little confused as to why his friend can’t play, and I don’t know if I should intervene or let things happen naturally? I have texted the mom this week asking if I could take Larlo and David (just our kids) to get ice cream (which we have done before) but she didn’t respond. I don’t know if I should just leave it alone. I feel bad because while the other family is quirky, I will allow my son to play outside with them if they ask, and I don’t want DS’s friend to see them out there and feel excluded. This feels messy and I don’t know what to do. Help!

[Anonymous]

You're the normal ones. Just graciously extend and accept invitations as normal and let other people concoct their own drama.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear this. I am probably considered quirky and I appreciate that you didn’t rule out the quirky family. So many do. It gets lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're the normal ones. Just graciously extend and accept invitations as normal and let other people concoct their own drama.

+1. Not sure what "intervening" could even mean here since the other mom isn't responding to your kind offer of ice cream for just the two boys.

[Anonymous]

Did you ask her for specifics? Maybe to you they're quirky, maybe the other family knows something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask her for specifics? Maybe to you they're quirky, maybe the other family knows something else.

I didn’t, but I don’t know what it would have to do with our two playing alone. Pre-COVID they all played similarly on the playground at school.

And by intervening I meant assuring her our boys wouldn’t play with them when together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the beginning of the school year my DS10 started walking home from the bus stop with another boy, also 10, from our neighborhood. They became fast friends and since then have either played in person or chatted over Switch/FaceTime on average 6 days a week. I was occasionally driving them both to school on days the mom asked for help, I would take them to the park, etc.

Fast forward to last week, a family who hasn’t let their kids out to play since 2020 finally let them out. A bunch of neighbor kids, DS and his friend included, kind of played between yards. I watched them here and they all appeared to have a fun time. Later DSs friend’s mom told me she isn’t keen on the other family. I admit they are a little quirky but harmless. (They are a little crunchy, parents a little odd.)

Ever since that day, DS’s friend hasn’t been able to play. He’s still walking home with DS, but there is always a reason he can’t play. Even DS’s attempts to FaceTime have gone ignored. My DS says nothing happened and they all had fun. He is a little confused as to why his friend can’t play, and I don’t know if I should intervene or let things happen naturally? I have texted the mom this week asking if I could take Larlo and David (just our kids) to get ice cream (which we have done before) but she didn’t respond. I don’t know if I should just leave it alone. I feel bad because while the other family is quirky, I will allow my son to play outside with them if they ask, and I don’t want DS’s friend to see them out there and feel excluded. This feels messy and I don’t know what to do. Help!

I think that the bolded is just something you can't worry about, especially since the other mom already seems to be shunning your kid because of his association with this other family. If she isn't worried about her own kid being left out I don't think you should prevent your child from playing with other families because of that kid.

[Anonymous]

I'm going through something similar now with my neighbor. It's best to stay out of it and keep engaging the other family. In my case I would be the the other family. I have a set of neighbors who treat my kid poorly and my kid doesn't like playing with them. The other parent is in your situation and doesn't want to be exclusive so my kid just stays home. The kids who treat my kid poorly have very nice and quirky parents but the kids are the absolute worst. I won't force my kid to play with kids that treat them bad and the family stuck in the middle doesn't seem to understand yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through something similar now with my neighbor. It's best to stay out of it and keep engaging the other family. In my case I would be the the other family. I have a set of neighbors who treat my kid poorly and my kid doesn't like playing with them. The other parent is in your situation and doesn't want to be exclusive so my kid just stays home. The kids who treat my kid poorly have very nice and quirky parents but the kids are the absolute worst. I won't force my kid to play with kids that treat them bad and the family stuck in the middle doesn't seem to understand yet

But would you then completely shun that family; even if the mom suggested the two kids getting ice cream?

Weird situation, OP. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they have something going on. Give them space. Encourage DS to branch out.

[Anonymous]

What is quirky to you may be super weird to them. Maybe they smoke weed and that's not a big deal to you but they're staunchly against it.

My mother was fearful and looked down upon anything and anyone that wasn't super basic.

There's nothing for you to do. Tell your son that this is a life lesson - he has to accept that his friend can only give him time walking home from the bus stop, and it's up to your son whether or not he takes that time. THat's all he has control over. Yes, it's frustrating and confusing, but we have to let other people be, and we don't always get reasons why.

[Anonymous]

Well it’s a mystery, but my bet is people just get a bit paranoid, especially these days, it seems, and they default to keeping their kids inside to watch tv. It’s a shame. I would just keep offering occasional play dates (maybe once every other week) for a couple months unless she tells you otherwise. We ‘lost’ some friends where the mom seems to be going through some anxiety related agoraphobia triggered by covid, but we keep reaching out occasionally hoping to breakthrough.

[Anonymous]

I would be curious why the mom doesn’t care for the other neighbor? Is it the child or the family? Does she get a bad vibe from these people or do they beat their children? The next time you this this lady, ask her. I find texting allows people to disengage and avoid conversations.

[Anonymous]

No, don't intervene. The other mom seems a little whackadoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through something similar now with my neighbor. It's best to stay out of it and keep engaging the other family. In my case I would be the the other family. I have a set of neighbors who treat my kid poorly and my kid doesn't like playing with them. The other parent is in your situation and doesn't want to be exclusive so my kid just stays home. The kids who treat my kid poorly have very nice and quirky parents but the kids are the absolute worst. I won't force my kid to play with kids that treat them bad and the family stuck in the middle doesn't seem to understand yet

But would you then completely shun that family; even if the mom suggested the two kids getting ice cream?

Weird situation, OP. Sorry.

I haven't completely shut out the family but my kid noticed how her friend reacted although she was being treated poorly. Maybe they are just taking space from your family?