Situation With Friend - Help.

[Anonymous]

My friend approached me about watching her infant son PT. Our babies were weeks apart and I’m staying home. We are neighbors and she needed 20-25 hours/week. I know she was having trouble finding a PT nanny, and didn’t want to put him in daycare. I felt like it was a good idea. I liked that my baby had a playmate. I’ve been doing it for 3 months now and it’s just not working out.

We have very different parental philosophies, which I think is one of the biggest issues. She is very attachment style parenting and I’m not. Her baby needs to be held for all naps. This has started to become a problem for me because I feel like I have no break and can’t get anything done. He is overall an easy baby, but he doesn’t have any defined schedule. The other issue is that he has become bored and wants new toys, but my friend says that all of these toys are “ too stimulating for him” and not to use them. Her baby sometimes takes hours to go to bed or wakes up several times a night, and she has complained about it. I’m the complete opposite. I’m very schedule oriented and have my son on a flexible schedule. We sleep trained at 4 months and he takes reliable naps in the crib.

I feel like I have no break and can’t get anything done. I respect that we both follow parental philosophies that work for our families, but it’s just no longer working for me watching him. I told her that I don’t think I can watch him, and she proposed I do it until they put him in daycare or find a nanny. That’s another 2-3 months away. I feel bad and I’m worried about losing the friendship over it. Do you think I should stick it out or stand my ground?

[Anonymous]

Is she paying you?

It’s fine to give her two weeks notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she paying you?

It’s fine to give her two weeks notice.

OP here. She does pay me but I do not need the money.

[Anonymous]

2 weeks notice. She can find a nanny/ daycare now, instead of in 2-3 months.

[Anonymous]

I think that you should give her notice and quit. It is likely that you will lose the friendship but she sounds like she is taking advantage of you since you already told her it isn’t working out and her solution was for you to keep doing it- doesn’t sound like much of a friend, but more of a user.

[Anonymous]

I’m all for parenting in a style that works for you but expecting someone to watch your baby and hold him for naps when they have their own baby too is crazy. I think you need to talk to her and explain what you told us. It’s not working for you to hold him and you think he might do better with one on one care if she wants to continue that style. Regarding the toys, what toys are we talking about and how old are the babies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 weeks notice. She can find a nanny/ daycare now, instead of in 2-3 months.

This, with summer coming she can find a college student or someone to get her through the summer. Its cheaper to go with you.

Either you way as long as there is no abuse or neglect or other child care but since you don't want to do it, that is your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that you should give her notice and quit. It is likely that you will lose the friendship but she sounds like she is taking advantage of you since you already told her it isn’t working out and her solution was for you to keep doing it- doesn’t sound like much of a friend, but more of a user.

2nd this. This is pretty common that people expect others who SAH to help them. I lost a few friends saying no to child care but they weren't really my friends as it was more about their needs, not both of ours.

[Anonymous]

Just give her notice. You don’t need to get into the parenting philosophy debate - just tell her it’s too hard for you to have two infants now that they’re getting older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m all for parenting in a style that works for you but expecting someone to watch your baby and hold him for naps when they have their own baby too is crazy. I think you need to talk to her and explain what you told us. It’s not working for you to hold him and you think he might do better with one on one care if she wants to continue that style. Regarding the toys, what toys are we talking about and how old are the babies?

OP here. Both of our babies are almost 6 months old. She still expects for her baby to play with rattles and tiny toys. I started bringing out new sensory items, toys with music, a jumper, etc., and she said that is all too stimulating. She also claims a bath is “ too stimulating”. She talks about him having so much energy at night, and that he is over stimulated, but I thinks it’s a combination of being under stimulated, excited to see his parents, and him not being about to self-soothe. They will spend hours sometimes putting him to sleep.

I respect her choice to parent how she feels is best, but I have noticed her judging how we sleep trained mine. She was making comments about how terrible it is and how how she is going attachment parenting because she didn’t want her baby to feel “ abandoned”.

She is a neighbor turned friend. We bonded during the pandemic since we were cut off from so many people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m all for parenting in a style that works for you but expecting someone to watch your baby and hold him for naps when they have their own baby too is crazy. I think you need to talk to her and explain what you told us. It’s not working for you to hold him and you think he might do better with one on one care if she wants to continue that style. Regarding the toys, what toys are we talking about and how old are the babies?

OP here. Both of our babies are almost 6 months old. She still expects for her baby to play with rattles and tiny toys. I started bringing out new sensory items, toys with music, a jumper, etc., and she said that is all too stimulating. She also claims a bath is “ too stimulating”. She talks about him having so much energy at night, and that he is over stimulated, but I thinks it’s a combination of being under stimulated, excited to see his parents, and him not being about to self-soothe. They will spend hours sometimes putting him to sleep.

I respect her choice to parent how she feels is best, but I have noticed her judging how we sleep trained mine. She was making comments about how terrible it is and how how she is going attachment parenting because she didn’t want her baby to feel “ abandoned”.

She is a neighbor turned friend. We bonded during the pandemic since we were cut off from so many people.

Her kiddo is overtired and not doing well unscheduled. But you know that. Give notice. You need to focus on your own child's development and its no longer working for your family. Expect she will be really upset, it has nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m all for parenting in a style that works for you but expecting someone to watch your baby and hold him for naps when they have their own baby too is crazy. I think you need to talk to her and explain what you told us. It’s not working for you to hold him and you think he might do better with one on one care if she wants to continue that style. Regarding the toys, what toys are we talking about and how old are the babies?

OP here. Both of our babies are almost 6 months old. She still expects for her baby to play with rattles and tiny toys. I started bringing out new sensory items, toys with music, a jumper, etc., and she said that is all too stimulating. She also claims a bath is “ too stimulating”. She talks about him having so much energy at night, and that he is over stimulated, but I thinks it’s a combination of being under stimulated, excited to see his parents, and him not being about to self-soothe. They will spend hours sometimes putting him to sleep.

I respect her choice to parent how she feels is best, but I have noticed her judging how we sleep trained mine. She was making comments about how terrible it is and how how she is going attachment parenting because she didn’t want her baby to feel “ abandoned”.

She is a neighbor turned friend. We bonded during the pandemic since we were cut off from so many people.

If she didnt want her baby abandoned she could have stayed hone with him or gotten a nanny to do exactly what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her that the kids’ schedules (feeding, naptime etc.) are growing apart and it’s not working anymore. Give her two or three weeks and say you can’t wait to see her over a weekend sometime for an adult catch up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m all for parenting in a style that works for you but expecting someone to watch your baby and hold him for naps when they have their own baby too is crazy. I think you need to talk to her and explain what you told us. It’s not working for you to hold him and you think he might do better with one on one care if she wants to continue that style. Regarding the toys, what toys are we talking about and how old are the babies?

OP here. Both of our babies are almost 6 months old. She still expects for her baby to play with rattles and tiny toys. I started bringing out new sensory items, toys with music, a jumper, etc., and she said that is all too stimulating. She also claims a bath is “ too stimulating”. She talks about him having so much energy at night, and that he is over stimulated, but I thinks it’s a combination of being under stimulated, excited to see his parents, and him not being about to self-soothe. They will spend hours sometimes putting him to sleep.

I respect her choice to parent how she feels is best, but I have noticed her judging how we sleep trained mine. She was making comments about how terrible it is and how how she is going attachment parenting because she didn’t want her baby to feel “ abandoned”.

She is a neighbor turned friend. We bonded during the pandemic since we were cut off from so many people.

If she didnt want her baby abandoned she could have stayed hone with him or gotten a nanny to do exactly what she wants.

OP here. This is not nice or okay to say. She has to work to make a living. They did try to find nanny but many rejected her because of her PT hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her that the kids’ schedules (feeding, naptime etc.) are growing apart and it’s not working anymore. Give her two or three weeks and say you can’t wait to see her over a weekend sometime for an adult catch up.

This.